Thursday, August 11, 2011


(Ready for tonight's ride? Maybe not. It's getting cooler. Better wear the sleeveless jersey.)

The 'cross bikes are in full roll mode now as the road season is quickly falls away. Well from my perspective the road season has been falling somewhat all year long, but that's another story. I'm planning on riding tonight, at the usual (Townsend Park) launch location, at 6:00 p.m. (that's roll-out time kids). While there's no way I can duplicate the look of Ms. Slow Speed Sprint Lead-Out 2011, pictured above, I can't quite decide which persona I want for this year's cyclocross season. Maybe you can give me a hand in selecting the new "CROSS ME" for 2011.

Here are the choices:


Hey I may be way off the back, but I don't give-a-shit-okay? In fact winning is for losers. Or whatever dude. Say are my tires flat? They feel like it. Do you need to put air them? Really. Wow.

(All Business Me)

I've got a portfolio full of 'cross whup-ass in my saddle bags and I'm on your wheel, sucking away 20% of your energy and investment in getting to the finish line first. Just before the closing bell I'm coming around, in hostile takeover-style, and swooping in to gobble up all of yours and everyone else's race profits, jump on my private jet, and flying to my own private island which I'm calling: I JUST KICKED YOUR ASSILAND.

(Retro Me)

Maybe I should just embrace the old me. I mean the old me. I could get a bike that creaks as much as my joints do. From up here I could be "Surly-as-hell" and just bitch everyone out from above. It would like the voice of God. If God were a jerk. The only problem I can see is getting up on this f*&cking piece of sh*t.

(Competitive Ice Cream Me)

Finally I think this is it. I can be competitive, yet still stop whenever I want for a super-ass-fattening Klondike Bar. My new race motto:

"What do you get with a Klondike Bar?"

"Your fat-ass dropped, that's what you get."

Hope to see you Bastards out there tonight for a nice, comfortable, friendly and safe ride.

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