Thursday, October 28, 2010


High winds and tornados my ass - nothing it seems deters Crazy Bastards from riding, not even the Wicked Weather (Rhymes with Witch) of the West Michigan. Yeah she looks like this, only not as realistic.

A lot full of a lotta Bastards on Tuesday Night - you know, the night the world was coming to and end.

After all the warnings (I mean how did people actually exist without Storm Team 8 or Storm Chaser Team or The End of The World Team 8, and continually bad, I mean technologically advanced weather forecasting?) From listening to the news and weather and all the doomful prognostications I expected to be the only dumb, I mean Crazy Bastard, in the lot on Tuesday.

But no ... in fact it was damn neared packed. Even people that should have known better were there: Bob H, Mark Bissell, Craig Flying Bats, Casey, Kenzie, Matt, Tom, Jim Allen ... and then the usual bunch of Bastards that don't know much of anything except riding just because we're riding just because we're riding just because...

Our own Slayer preparing to get epic.

Jeff H (Slayer) and Magic George the "Swami" Swanzee, shown above are getting read to roll into the windy vortex of death that awaits down the road. It looked like a Bissell and Priority Health Hoe-Down. Or is that H0-DOWN? but plenty of teams were represented, as usual. We love the diversity, we do.

Big thanks to Jeff/Slayer for leading the ride all the way around the big loop, through rain and mud and downed trees, to get everybody back safely. By the way did anybody find Jim yet?

Here they are - headed into the storm. Screw the wind!

Alas, I was too pooped to participate in the whole ride, though it looked like great one - with epic ride potential. Even from the gun it was a nice pace, and everybody stuck together, and no one blew through any stop-signs - even with that sweet tailwind. Hopefully my legs will grow back (or something else) and I'll be able to turn the pedals on tonight's ride.

As the temps drop a little, and the rain comes, it looks like I may need to break out some warmer gear for tonight. But I'll have to check what she says first before I make any moves ...

Tonight's forecast: light followed by dark and me followed by my many fans and that weird guy back there ...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Derby Cup: Dust and Carnage

L'ville USGP UCI Elite Women Day one Crash. from David Lowe on Vimeo.

Check this crap out - the women are flying - and I don't mean that they're just going fast - they are literally flying through the air half-way through this video. If you haven't seen this already (it's been posted a few times on FB), crack a fresh beer, crank up the volume and listen for the very distinct OH SHIT! and bikes and bodies snapping. Sweet, indeed. This particular section wasn't too far from the start and there are a set of barriers right where the camera is sitting.

I'll have a ride report - as passed on to me by Slayer, later today - before tonight's ride.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Let's hope we don't see this tonight - unless it's behind us, and we're setting up for a sprint! HOOT! HOOT! Hell, who needs a lead-out, I'm riding a tornado, look out stop-ahead sign!

Check back later - if the weather looks too weird we might have to meet in a dark basement somewhere instead of getting blown away on the roads. Sounds kinda fun though, doesn't it? Well, we'll probably ride - see you there.

Sunday, October 24, 2010


"Hello down there!" Hello up there" Yeah they've heard that one before, so shut up already.

Yeah, this was the short and the tall of the race weekend. Our own Killer Kubiak and Ryan Trebon (Tree Farm) together (almost) at last.

Heather, running the sand with style.

Like sand? Like dust? Like dirt? There was plenty of it at the new World Cup course in Louisville this weekend. A biblical-long draught dried out the course, raising sand-storms and a waves of locust that ate the cotton side-walls off the pros' Dugast tires. Yeah, it was scary - and coughie. Hack-hack.

"No you first." "No you go ahead. " "No I insist, after you ..."

First lap of every race this sand-hill section looked like a Civil War battle re-enactment. Above you can see the Cat 2-3 making friends - if by making friends you mean trampling each other. Trying to ride this particular piece of dirt, flat-out, cost me dearly on Day 2. Boo-hoo, poor fucking me.

He said he'd sell it to us after his race. So that's $3 for a face-mask full of dirty snot.

We talked about getting some surgical masks for Day 2, and what do you know, some young cyclocrosser beat us to it. Not only that he planned to make a buck or three in the process. Maybe he planned to pay for the $3 parking. Yeah, $3 to park in hell, no thanks. People just parked in the street, instead. But that's another story.

Yeah I should have spent $3 on the mask - snot and all. I'll be coughing up shit from that course for a week. Don't you love cyclocross racing?

Another dusty turn at the bottom of another hill. The course was a lot like a moto-cross course. Unfortunately I don't have a motorcycle engine in my ass.

Same hill (I think) another view. Heather models what it looks like from the top. Yeah you're taller than me Heather - but not taller than Tree-Farm.

Other side of the Hill, headed for the finish line. Thanks to Werdy for all the shots of me. If you're sick of seeing me as I am, you've got him to blame. I should have taken some of you Werdy but I was too lazy to get up in time!

This hill looks easy enough, doesn't it? It wasn't. It was suck-the-life out of you hard. They called it a run-up, but if you didn't ride it your day would be done in short order.

Yeah, just another one of those "short" climbs. The turn at the bottom was scarier than shit the first 3 times down it.

Another Werdy shot - yeah the Green Monster is still there but it's not the conversation piece it once was - too many other tougher features to deal with - the flyover was a place to rest.

What's more fun than eating dirt? Looking at the machines you race in the dirt.

One of my reasons for going to races like this, other than getting my ass kicked, is to see all the gear. If you love cross gear, there's nothing like a USGP of Cyclocross race to see all the latest gear, bikes, tires, wheels, and pros at work ...

Pros like Barry Wicks. All the 'cross pros are real people. Not like bike racers at all.

A pretty little SS. The guy actually raced this beauty. Dumb-ass. This bike is for style only, I don't care what you say. Anodazzler, isn't it?

Our friend Mike Hewitt. The man behind the race, and in this photo he's the man in front of the Green Monster. Thanks for another great race Mike!

Kim and Barb Saive. Barb is also an essential element in putting this race on. Sorry about the focus Barb, yeah I was drunk ... and I had to race the next day! No wonder I sucked ...

Is it Gregory Peck? Clark Gable? George Clooney's unknown brother Fred? No, it's Werdy, looking way too serious for an event this goofy.

Happy Michiganders in Kentucky Sunshine and Dust.

Just a few of the Michigan Gang: Griff, Heather, Jeff (Werdy) and Kim. Not pictured from our group was Cupcake, Brian, Nancy, and Tom Burke who slayed it pretty good for starting way back on the grid in a super-pro stacked race featuring the likes of Tim Johnson, J-Pow, Trebon, Barry Wicks, Jesse Anthony and more. Also not pictured are the boys and gals from Tailwind which really represented Michigan. There must have been about 15 people or more from the East Side - with good results too. Mike Wissink took 3rd on Day one (not sure about Day 2) Card won Day 1 45+. Also on hand were the Team Sandbaggers - Osgood, Potacki - Rhinos - Jan, Mark, Ann Swartz and so many more I can't remember them all ...

More Michigan friends - John Osgood center, Kurt Potocki, right. These guys really know how to have fun at a race - yeah they had their very own beer tent. And single speeds. For all of you West-Siders that are always saying that the East-siders take cross too seriously - let me introduce you to Team Sandbag.

The only good shot I got of the Heckle-a-nator Deluxe, Cupcake. She had a great weekend of heckling and racing. Well done Laura!

They love their Halloween in Louisville. Not far from the course you'll find a street of Halloween craziness like this.

... and this. It's always a part of the Derby Cup weekend.

Plus different and Un-Grand Rapids-like things to eat. Like ..

...Big bowls of Gumbo. Yeah it's race fuel folks. Stay clear of the exhaust pipes gentlemen, I'm about to light this rocket!

The only thing bad about the date was the fact that we couldn't make the Styx concert. Damn. Just love the Styx, I do. (Not really, I hate Styx, always have).

Yeah Slayer, take a good look at it. You know you want to be there. Hey, it's only a 6 hour drive. But then again maybe you hater Styx too. NaaaaaW!

Debery Cup 2010. It was fun. It was dirty. It was crazy. Glad I did it, as always - learned a lot more about cross. I'm also glad I'm back in Michigan, tired and worn-out with a garage full of filthy fucked-up bikes and a bag of grungy race clothes. I never missed rain and mud so much in my life. Dusty 'cross races just don't seem real. Even if they are real, fast and fun. Can't wait for Ann Arbor next weekend with some cool weather and rain. Now if I can just stop coughing up all that sand before the weekend!

Thursday, October 21, 2010


Hey I'm actually in front of somebody. But how long?

I'll won't be on the ride tonight - on my way south for a weekend of cross racing. Hope you all have a good weekend. See you next week.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


The good part first: it was a beautiful night for a ride. Lots of people, old friends, and future ex-friends. Temps were comfortable right until the last few miles when we felt the first chill of fall. It's a tough time to dress for - and be comfortable from start to finish - too many clothes at the start (yeah I overcooked) and you're doing the strip tease at the first stop sign. Too few clothes at the end and you're feeling the sting. So think about your wardrobe carefully for the next few weeks. Bring something to throw on for the last leg, and both legs, I think, might be the best bet.

I gwana punch you in the moofth id whut I gwana due.

The bad part of the ride ... yeah it was almost a throw down. In this corner, Surly Bastard going ballistic over an intersection roll-through that was way-too-close for comfort and safety's sake. It was a classic chin-music confrontation with a well-known roll-through-the-stops-and-get-any advantage I can veteran that I like to call "Hedi," 'cause he always go off the front and out of sight. If you recall I threatened a fire squad for this kind of dangerous riding a couple of weeks ago - so it's not like it's something new.

And in this corner ... Hedi, the master of the roll-through stop signs and stop-ahead sign sprints. We may never see her again. Dammit, she's just so damn cute the way she rode a bike.

Slayer protects himself from the flash in a rare "we all stopped at the stop sign" photo op.

Yeah, they'er stopping (above). Jeff held the ride together last night like a champ. Thanks Slayer. Job well done. Now about that fucking music you listen to ... s dude that stuff is whack! as the kids say.

Jurrien back at the HC. Happy to have all his skin and bones in place after a near take-down.

So after the a bunch of hooting and yelling that amounted to nothing, and one near clash of wheels that almost had the Ethiopian down, we made it safely back to the HC for some beers, some carp, and amiable Bastard Friendship.

A pretty good bike handler - for a triathelete.

Who almost took the Ethiopian down? Strangely he looked at lot like the guy above. Hey it's Chuck! Welcome back Chuck! Where have you been? Where did you get that savage tan? Where is the sleeveless jersey? The bare midriff? Long time no ride in weather this cold I'll bet.

Even an hour later I still had "anger in my stomach," the way cyclist do. I also had some Guiness in my stomach as well.

Bob multi-tasks (eats and talks at the same) and gives us the chance for another unforgettable Bob shot. Thanks Bob, you're the best dude!

Kahuna, having a good time all night and smartly staying out of trouble - but not out of Slayer range. Slayer recites lyrics to a song by his favorite band: Dying Fetus, and makes Kahuna's sick.

Kim T, Kenzie and Chuck. Hey let's get the band back together and save the farm!

Billing issues. Trouble at the register. Or just in her mind?

This little piggy had draft beer, this little piggy had fried carp, and this little piggy went wee-wee-wee all the way home.

While the service wasn't good, bad, or ugly, it sure was weird. The first question the waitress asked us when we sat down was: "Want anything other than water?" Well, yeah, that's why we came for - food and drink - we had water in the car. The thing that closed the deal on weird was that you had to go up to the bar and tell her what you had, and then she charged you for it. I was going to stick with the original order: WATER. It was almost Chaplinesque where the waiter looks and tastes the stains on the customer's tie and writes it down on the check. All I can say is "WHERE'S ROBIN!"

Here's the ugly.

I'm not going to say who ordered this dog's breakfast (Bob), but have you ever seen anything any more disgusting and ugly on a plate than this slop? Of course if you don't eat your greens you could end up like this ...

They let anybody in the HC, don't they? Even us, it would seem. Hey it's our friend George! Nice Vampire eyes, George.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Is this a good neighborhood for raping, pillaging, beer drinking, and bike riding? If you answered yes to the last two you're there 'bro.

Ready to ride tonight? Looking for a good neighborhood? Think you're going to end up on the side of a milk carton? (Do they do that anymore? Don't you just go straight to cable news?) Well if you answered yes to any of these questions, start charging your lights and looking for one more layer of clothing. It's not going to be cold, but I doubt you'll be getting a suntan this evening.

Just in case, pack and extra clip, too.

If you're worried about pyscho-crazies in the woods tonight, don't. The only Crazies will be riding right next to you. It seems some of our Bastard Brethren have upped the game a little in the self-defense department owing to the creeps in the park, and are prepared for just about anything you could run into out there - from Killer Chihuahuas to
Serial Killers.

Lightweight, lots of carbon. Yeah he's a biker.

As you can see this set-up has got Crazy Bastard written all over it. I just hope the safety doesn't jar off over the potholes.

As an added bonus here are a few race photos and a video provided by Brian and Nancy. Featured in the both video and photos are our own Kim Thomas and Laura (aka Cupcake). These two must hold the record for cross races this year - especially Cupcake who's been to Cinci, Chicago, Detroit and who knows where else.

Kim Thomas enjoying the Cyclocross Festival. The best kind of Festival, isn't it?

My tip for the above photo (Kim are you listening?) is to throw your hands in the air like you won no matter where you placed - as long as you are alone and on the front of any pack - even if it finished 5 minutes off the lead. But maybe she did win - I know she had a top ten at least - well done Kim. But I'd love to believe she won this thing. And I could have if only she were celebrating, polishing her glasses or making a phone call. Wait, this is cyclocross, you don't do dumb-shit stuff like that.

Cupcake leads them across the line. Festival that, ladies.

Same for Cupcake above, though looks like she had to work right to the line. She also had a great result down in the Queen City.

I'm having difficulty with the video - ooops! Check back later after I've had my coffee, I'll see if I can get it running .... if not, take your complaints to the CB Complaint department located in the GRANDPAVAN at Townsend Park about 5:45.

Later, you Batards.