Monday, January 31, 2011


Sad to report that Katie once again fell just one podium step short of her ultimate goal and lost on the last lap to Vos, again. The frozen hard ground, again, did her in. She needed some mud or snow to close the deal and it turned into what appears to have been super-fast track that suited Vos. Damn!

On the men's side, Stybar took it again, with Nys showing that he and Stybie are the two tough guys in world cyclocross, no matter what the conditions are. If it had been muddy it would have been the same two dudes up front. If you want to see strongmen run away from a World Championship field, check out this video of the last two laps. While the race, at this point, is already decided, you can see the Stybie is taking nothing for granted and gives it everything he's got. It's a beautiful performance. Most notable in the race for Americans, Page coming in 12th and Powers at 16th. Not a bad day's work for the Americans.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


The U23 World Championship - just happened yesterday in St. Wendel, Germany. You have to watch this just to see the course - it's super-ass scary and beautiful at the same time! These young dudes were killing it, too the racing at the end is mind-blowing. It looks like the best American finish was Danny Summerhill, in 13th, congrats to Danny. Late tonight, or early tomorrow, Katie F'ing Compton will be going for the World Championship. Tune in tomorrow for an update, unless of course, you're getting your 'cross news from a legitimate news source.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


Masters World CX Championships, 40+ Race from Twenty Pound Skull on Vimeo.

This is a short video of the 40+ Worlds somewhere in dark, wet and beery Belgium, I think. A bunch of Americans were on hand, and you can see them hammering away at the front - a few of our National Champs from Colorado, by the way. Nice riding by the old boys. Check out how these dudes literally "rip" through the sand. It's as the kids say, sick.

Also - keep watching - the World Championships are coming this coming weekend!

Hope you all had a good time watching the man ride over the mountain. I guess he was all alone except for the film crew and the catering truck.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Looks like there isn't going to be a ride tonight because every one that rides a bike, or likes you to think they ride a bike, is going to this damn movie. I'm not sure, but I think I've seen it before. While many people and reviewers think it is a "hidden jewel" as far as romantic comedy is concerned, I'm not so sure. What I am sure of is,that is was one of John Belushi's last, if not his last movie, and I blame his demise on this film. Frankly, the movie sucked. It wasn't romantic, or funny, for my money. And what it has to do with bicycles, I have no idea.

Here's an boring-as-hell 8-minute clip from the movie that's about the Continental Divide or Riding the Divide, ALONE, or whatever. See if you can stand watching this whole piece of crap. I couldn't. And don't bother looking for me at the movie. I won't be there. I guess that means more popcorn for you.


Wonderful ride last night. Great riding conditions with milder temperatures, practically no ice, and great traction. Seven of us - Big Kahuna, Steve B, Jeff Z (Redline Bastard), Bob S, Specialized Steve, and Travis, the guy who wore the shorts in last weekend's Versluis Snowcross (see the last post video) a "swell time" if by swell time you mean none of us fell down or got lost.

Before I get into the ride report, in news from the world of cyclocross word has it that for various reasons one of our favorite riders, Ryan 'Tree Farm' Trebon won't be making it to the World Championship this coming weekend. While some reports have it that he's sick, my inside information has it that he's taken a job as a personal "cycling coach."

And you'll never guess (well now you will) know who it is. Yeah, it's our own Killer Kubiak. She's a hard training Killer, and now she's got the Killer coach she's dreamed of - some one to take her to the next level of killer-kick-ass performance. Seems though they have trouble seeing eye to eye, though.

Back to last night's ride. Steve, on his new Specialized was back for more abuse, and fun. He's rocking that thing now. This, like all the photos today are old file photos. There weren't many foggy glasses last night.

Matty Ice-Ice-Baby worked late and couldn't make it to the ride on time, but he did make the Honey Creek for a few Guiness', My Goodness. I wonder why he made the trip? Yeah you guessed it. You're so smart, aren't you ...

Bob S, our famous car-crotch flasher was also back and rockin' the roads last night. Nice to see you Bob, and what's that you've got down there? Don't bother showing us, that's okay. we've seen it before.

Steve B was rolling the Redline, all super studded up. And that was just the tires. Steve had a good ride, though he was fighting a chest cold that made it a little tough on him. But brave man, he made it all the way back to the Honey Creek. Way to tough it out Steve!

Also on the ride last night was Jazzy Jeff Z, or Redline Bastard, or JZ Jeff, or just Jeff to his friend, partially seen in the file photo above. I think this photo was taken in 1986. He's tough to get a snap of, let me tell you.

Here's a little better photo of Redline Bastard. One of the few. Last night he rode to the ride, did the ride, came back to the parking lot and then rode home, alone. He said it was for extra credit, but by the way he was driving the pace all night I don't know how much more credit he needs. Anyway, after riding off into the dark, while we prepared for the HC, we talked about how tough he was, riding to and from the ride, to which Steve now famously commented, "Yeah he's an animal," which sparked further discussion about just what kind of an animal Jeff is ...

Is JZ Jeff aka Redline Bastard a snarling killer wolf?

Is he like the big dog that took Kahuna out this fall?

Nope, this was the consensus. Leave your comments and congratulations in the comment box.

Yeah, gerbil. He's so damn cute isn't he. Well not everybody thought so, and some of the group started laughing pretty hard ...

Kind of like this, above. If you had read yesterday's post, you'll know that Big Kahuna nailed the question about LSHMSFOTFAIDMT, which, here's a clue starts with LAUGHING SO HARD ...

... LAUGHING SO HARD, and you are wearing a sombrero, like this ...


TACO ... yeah, that's it, good guess, you TEXTING guessers. And if you or I LAUGHED SO HARD MY SOMBRERO FELL ON THE FLOOR AND I DROPPED MY TACO (LSHMYSFOTFAIDMYT) the whole thing could end up like this ...

Actually I think this damn cat just ate the gerbil. Hey, give Jeff back you big fat cat in the sombrero on on the floor before I drop my taco again ...

If you want more LSHMYSFOTFAIDMT you can go to a Facebook page dedicated to it.

Monday, January 24, 2011


Not quite like being there, and it's a little rough, with some repetition 'cause I ran out of material, but you might get the idea. For as cold as it was, this race was a complete blast. If you didn't make this SNOWCROSS, make sure you are there for the next one.

Saturday, January 22, 2011


Great, no awesome Snowcross today. The cold, cold temps weren't the problem that everyone thought they would be. I'm putting together a full visual report, but for now, enjoy this tasty piece of cross video from Specialized. If you didn't get your cross on today, and weren't reminded of awesome cross, is, this should wake you up! Hopefully I'll have some video of today's race by tomorrow or Monday.

Cyclocross in Our Words - Pt. 1 from Jim Fryer/BrakeThrough Media on Vimeo.

Friday, January 21, 2011


I hope to see all of you at tomorrow Versluis Snowcross. It should be an exciting, as well as chilling event, as always! You can bet that the beer will be cold. So be there! Gun goes off at around noon. Check the Farm Team Racing Blog for complete details.

Unlike the cyclist in the above video I planning to be wearing almost all the cycling gear and clothing that I own. However, I do appreciate the style that's being rocked here, and think that I may incorporate some of these "cycling fashion statements" in the next Crazy Bastard uniform (if there ever is one!) The thought of JZ wearing a plastic skirt boggles the mind. Also, being plastic he won't have to wash it! Thanks to one of my favorite photographers, Andrea Tucker for posting this Copenhagen Cycling Chic-esque video bundle of joy on FB!

For those of you who don't know or don't care, I have an article in this month's CYCLOCROSS MAGAZINE. Velo City in Holland has these lovely magazines for sale, and according to MC Hammer if you buy one, I might autograph it if asked nicely, or threatened. While I am willing to oblige you with an autograph, I will have to warn you that my scribble on the the magazine will probably devalue the cover price, and the resale price as well, so that 15¢ you were planning on getting for it at this summer's garage sale will probably slump to something around 5¢. My suggestion is that you get West Michigan's Number One Globe Trotting Cyclist, that's MC Hammer, to autograph it. That should boost the garage sale price up to at least 16¢.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


No chance for me to get out tonight. I'll be working on location and in the Surly Cave (pictured above) until late. Hopefully some of you Bastards will carry on the tradition of committing stupid rides at night in the snow. Probably JZ will be there carrying the torch. I think we rename him Hardcore Bastard, though people might take that the wrong way. Like we care if people take it the wrong way, right? Anyway, sorry I can't make it. It looks lovely out, if by lovely you mean crap.

Leave a comment if you're making it so the rest of the Bastards can pile in. Hope to see you all at the Versluis Snowcross this weekend. I'll have the cameras running for that one, should make for great material, if by great material you mean BLACKMAIL.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Now what's going on here? Abandoned Trucks in the Bastard Spot?

After being humiliated into riding last night by JZ (see yesterdays post and comments) I arrived at the "Meeting Place" to find these two lonely, abandoned trucks in the lot. What the heck, I thought, this is a well-known trysting spot, but two pick-ups, WTF?

There was a note on the windshield of one of the trucks which read:

Dear Joe:

You cheating P.O.S.! I should have known something was going on. All the time you and P.J. spent in the basement watching your favorite "Western" I should have known there was some funny business going on ... I watched it while you were out - some "Western". Now I find your and P.J.'s trucks out here. Don't bother coming home you JERK!

Your EX, Samantha.

While the getting ready for the ride Joe and P.J. finally showed up to claim their trucks and everything became perfectly clear. I don't know what "Samantha" looks like, but these two dudes are hot!

My pick-up or yours? And who are those idiots on the bicycles?

Getting Ready to ride. Dark, cold, snowy.

So after bidding Joe and P.J. farewell and good luck, we assembled and geared up. On hand for the ride was JZ, F-Bats, Big Kahuna, New Guy Steve, and my Surly self.

Getting ready in the semi-dark kinda sucks. But the thought that we might be riding into deep slush or ice kinda keeps you all warm inside.

Checking the studs - yeah it's stud-master Craig, aka Flying Bats. Besides a knowing his studs he's also like a Wikipedia on Sid and Nancy. They were close friends. Hi Sid, HIGH Nancy! Hide the knives, the kids are coming over!

You know the more I look at Sid and Nancy, I'm reminded of another couple ...

Really? Maybe ...

But on the ride, we left the lot behind and were just about around the loop, through a strong head wind, with the wheels headed for home when what do we see coming right at us ...

Yeah, that would be what we look at coming at you at night. Spooky isn't it? Immediately we started wondering if we were meeting ourselves riding in a parallel universe headed in the opposite direction, but then I thought, no I didn't take any medication tonight, so it was probably really happening.

There were shouts of joy and recognition, until we realized we didn't know each other - yeah we knew each other. It was Bob S's ride doing the same route, only the wrong way. Yeah, we were going in the right direction.

The last one going by, like ships passing in the night. Love the Tron looks. Very nice.

Back in the lot, ride finished, everybody upright, ride well done. Here's a fogged up and happy NEW GUY STEVE. He's got a beauty of a new bike, sharp and shiny studs and all the gear you need to for a proper Bastard Ride. Welcome to the club Steve.

Here's Steve shedding his foggy glasses and giving us the "sexy" CSI Miami look.

Like this, isn't it?

Here's what the ride look like to me when it's done. Actually this is what my world looks like. Yeah, I'm not cool like Horatio, or Steve. I'm just blind.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Anyone feel like braving the icy roads out for a ride tonight? (I'm more concerned with the drive out than the ride). Do we need to train for the upcoming Versluis Snowcross this weekend? Post-up. If there is an overwhelming response I'll take the dog-sled out to the Bastard Meeting Place @ 6.

Speaking of the upcoming VERSLUIS SNOWCROSS ...


Versluis Snowcross apparently now has a "Critter" (seen above) to represent this classic Winter Cycling event. Go the Farm Team blog and check it out.

You know the Olympics always have adopted Critters and Crazy Looking Stuffed Animals to make the Olympics, more Olympic. I guess those rings just aren't enough. So it only makes sense for the SNOWCROSS to jump in the sporting event/doll game.

Here's a disgusting Olympic Stuffed Animal/Doll example from the past:

I'm not sure which Olympic these little bastards represented but I'm glad I missed it. As for the Versluis Snowcross, I think having a 'Doll' is pure genius. I only hope I can buy a SNOW-MISER at the event. And I hope he has a squeaky thing inside of him. I'll buy one for the dog and one for the handlebars my City SS.

As for the Versluis Snowcross, don't miss it. Here's a clip from their blog about the race.

Snowcross Is Back! *Versluis Orchards and Farm Team Racing are bringing back Snowcross for 2011. The first race is January 22, 2011. Our second event is scheduled for February 19, 2011.

It goes on to describe what Snowcross is, which is essentially silly racing on snow and ice followed by a bunch of beer drinking. I don't know if I needed a disclaimer for this, but okay.

After seeing the SNOW-MISER and OLYMPIC DOLLS, I'm thinking that maybe we need a Crazy Bastard Doll. What do you think?

Here are some options to consider:

While these are all Female Crazy Bastards, I think they fit the theme. But maybe we can do better. Maybe we'll suggest this bunch to Robin and the gals at the Honey Creek ... Waitress uniforms? Brilliant!

I think this guy is more "us", if by "us" you mean Crazy-Stupid-Fucking Bastards as Bob H calls us. (Like you're not here too Bob!)

Here's another one. I like these people. But maybe it's a little to "Naked Bike Ride" and Critical Mass for our delicate tastes, if by delicate tastes you mean I just threw-up Asian Carp in the parking lot of the Honey Creek

No, there's only one mascot for our group ... what do you think of this guy?

I think it says "Total Fucking Crazy Bastard," don't you? It will look great on T-shirts and make a great doll. Sqeaker included. I wonder what Bob will think though?

As for myself I think I found the perfect "Cartoon" avatar ...

Yeah, it's me hard at work in the Crazy Bastard Cave. Let me know if any of you Crazy Bastards want to ride tonight.

Monday, January 17, 2011


I spotted the ad above, in this Month's Velonews (Cyclocross Issue, sort-of) and was disgusted to see the Tri-dork from the 1970's front and center. WHAT THE HELL? I thought. Did the ad agency know nothing of cycling, or what????? Check the guy out - ancient down-tube shifters, tennis shoes, creepy aerobars from the discount bin, cotton t-shirt ... man the list of shit goes on and fucking on.

Well, the next day after I spot the ad I see it hits Bike Snob's blog - he calls the "cyclist" a Retro-Fred, Tri-dork from another time, and so on. Very funny Snob stuff. So a few days later I see a flyer for the the Grand Rapids Triathlon featuring the same photo! WHAT THE HELL! (Again!) So I'm figuring this must be a free photo or something ....

But it doesn't stop there ...

Today on Bike Snob busts Grand Rapids Triathlon for using the same photo! Check out Bike Snob New York's post today - have a laugh - on us! Thanks Grand Rapids Triathlon!

Yeah, Tri-dorks unite! Rock your sleeveless jerseys (today would be a good one for that!) get your aerobars on, and get ready to ride down the rapids (see photo/flyer above). No wonder everybody on the East and West Coast thinks that people who live in Michigan are idiots and morons.

So who thinks we are cool here in the frozen Midwest?

This woman, probably. She's almost famous, too ...

In case you didn't recognize her, that's Brett Favre's sister. She just got busted for running a Meth Lab. So why does she think we're cool, living here in Michigan?

Because she lives in Mississippi. That's four i's and four s's, okay?

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Not only can't I decided if I want to brave the cold, snow and ice out on the Bastard loop tonight, I also can't decide, if I do ride, which Flask should I take? Maybe you can help me decide.

Choice one: STANLEY

My new Stanley Flask - this flask features a wide mouth opening (are you saying I have a big mouth?) a leak-proof lide with lanyard (that's good 'cause there's nothing worth the gooey schnapps dripping in your back pocket) a stainless steel design which is rust-proof and won't transfer odors or taste (are you saying that I stink and I have no taste?) It's also packable and easy to store (like I'm an idiot and couldn't tell that when I picked it up!)

Choice two: SURLY

This of course is the quintessential biker flask, isn't it? Like all Surly bikes and components, we don't know what it's made of, but we probably can guess that it is made in China. We also know the cap will fall off eventually (I've fixed some of these for friends with a safety pin) and that gooey schnapps will run down your back, unless you are DIALED like our HUP UNITED friends and have a dedicated Surly Flask Mount on your bike. So much for carrying water, but it's winter who needs to drink - until the ride's done.

Let me know what you think which flask you think I should bring, and if any of you are riding at all - you should know that on Tuesday Steve K, Steve B, Jeff Z, Craig R, Chuck G, Matt G, and myself, rocked a damn good ride in the snow. There were also remarks (kinda of drunken remarks I might add) made in the Honey Creek during our apres ride festivities that said, essentially, that if you didn't ride on Tuesday you were a big crybaby and so on.

Let me know if you're going to ride. I know a few people, even those tough guys that rode on Tuesday, won't make it tonight.

Also let me know on the Flask choice. I can't wait to see the winner on that one.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Yeah, it's time to get back on the bike.

After a short rest I think it's time to get out on the bike again. A few days of rest, a little skiing, and too many trips to the gym (wow is it busy!) I think I'm ready to get out there again. But wait! How come my jersey is so tight? Why are bib shorts only making it to my ankles? What the f........?

Besides how many times do you get to ride on a date that is this cool? 1.11.11!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Booting Up - Ride Tonight - 01.06.10

Wish I had a new pair of these for tromping and pedaling through the snow tonight. Sorry I haven't posted up photos of last Tuesday's ride, but I'll get to it - yeah I will. JZ, could you post a comment on road conditions out in BASTARDVILLE, if you get a chance? It will help me determine what kind of tires, snowmobile suit color, helmet, de-icers, snow shovels and so on I should bring with me tonight.



Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Rich Rod's Goodbye Ride

It's hard saying goodbye. And sometimes it's hard to say hello. And sometimes it's hard saying anything at all. And sometimes it's hard to say you're fired or you're not fired.

Great ride last night with Bob H, Aimee, Flying Bats Craig, JZ Jeff (the pathfinder) Steve B, Matt ICE ICE Baby, and myself. The roads were in good condition with some nice fresh covering up the depleted ice. Nice riding most of the night - and long, we almost hit 2 hours.

It was our memorial Rich Rod ride, (back when we thought he was fired early on the evening of January 4) a one time memorial that I'm sure we'll all forget soon enough. Strangely some of us were really sad about RR getting the axe. But those were MSU Fans. The UM people had extra beers and seemed happy. Go figure!

I'll update with actual photos and videos of the ride last night later today.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Grattan Road Report

Conditions look great for a ride tonight, checkout this video from earlier in the day.

Frosty the Inappropriate Snowman Ride Tonight

Join Frosty and some Crazy Bastards tonight for the first snowy ride of the year. Looks like fun out there, doesn't it? Don't know whether I need studs on the old cross mule or not - maybe fluffy and snowy enough to just roll regular tires. We'll see! That is if I see you tonight. Enjoy Frosty the inappropriate snowman clip below.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Muddy Ride Before New Year's

Before the snow and the cold of 2011 arrived I had one last "warm" ride around usual Bastard route. Here's a boring little video of what is what like during our little respite from winter.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Ride to Founders 12.30.10

One of my first attempts at using some new bike technology, just days before the snow fell. Hope this doesn't make you ill. If you start feeling vertigo, just look away. Hopefully I'll get better with this and put it to some good use, somehow, in the coming year.

Cyclocross Classic Race

This race took place just this past weekend, but it looks like a classic already. By far the best racing of the year. Want to see two guys go at each other like made dogs? It's only the last two laps, but it is well worth the time to watch it. Better than watching today's Big Ten effort. Let's hope Wisconsin does better tonight.