Thursday, September 30, 2010


Bad photography marred by poor composition. But it was a big and happy bunch of cyclocrossers none-the-less.

For a practice and clinic that wasn't going to happen it turned into quite a night - a beautiful sunset night, as a matter of fact. We were graced by all sorts of first timers from F-Bats, Fast Freddie, Kat and MC Hammer, to the gentleman, I forgot your name with his back to us rocking the sweet Lemond with disc brakes. Nice bike dude. Dan and Laura K were back for more, Amy H, as well as a host of Lead Out members, and even Shawn D from the Farmers Team.

Ladies coming and going. Yes they love their cross practice.

Obviously cross practice is a big hit with the ladies. Yes, it would seem that while chicks may dig scars, etc., they also like practicing so they don't get any. Way to go ladies!

Kat, executing a fly-by Maverick would be proud of.

Speaking of fast ladies on two wheels - here's one way to get over the barriers. Just ride by them. Kat showing us how it's done! Actually she was going great over the barriers. I think she's probably just bringing MC another tube - he had two flats! And Fast Freddie forgot his front wheel! Remember we have spare wheels in the lot! Just ask next time and you'll be rolling again in a minute.

"Tube B connects to joint C" ... Fast Freddie puts the essential mechanics of cross together.

Speaking of scars, I don't know how much blood and shin bark these plastic barriers have saved this year, but lets just say a bucket load. Gross huh? Here's Fast Freddie doing the cross equivalent of replacing your divot in golf. Thanks Freddie ... and you didn't even break anything except your glasses.

Big thanks to Werdy One, once again for helping set up and design the course. It was especially rockin' last night. Thanks Werdy!

New technology lights the way.

Remember tonight's ride is the long awaited Light & Motion event sponsored by our good friends at Speed Merchants. Here's just one of their lights. Nice huh? Not only will it light the way it will also keep your head warm. They have promised that they'll have pizza and beer for us after the ride. We plan on rolling out at 6, as usual, so try and be on time. And if you can't let us know - we'll wait for you. If we like you.

See you Bastards tonight.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Before I start blathering about how awesome the ride was last night, please let me know if any of you would like to practice tonight. We've got a call from some of our friends in Holland, and they are planning on coming up, and maybe a few people here, but if the numbers are sufficient, I may just bag it and take a night off and get on with important after-hour business - like gluing tires.

We had anywhere from 14 to 16 on hand last night. Nice ride - temperatures were warm at the start and chilled considerably. Killer Kougar, Amy H (Muejer de Machete) JZ Jeff, Angry John, Flying Bats, Tom Link and a cast of, well, maybe ten more were out slaying some beautiful country roads. By the way - you needed lights for the end of the ride last night, so time to lamp up!

In these photos you can see what it looks like as you're being dropped from the ride.

Yeah, there they go. I had to stop and wrap a shawl around my cold knees anyway.

Happily, I arrive home to find a couple of these waiting for me. Yeah I was stretching tires at midnight (that's how long it took me to finish the ride) and the glue will be going on later tonight. Please let me know as soon as you can about Practice. I'll need to let the Holland Bastards know as soon as possible.

Also remember that the Light & Motion crew will be out on Thursday with goodies. Be there!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I'm planning on riding tonight, and still adhering to our strict "Sometime Around Six" launch time. Since sunset is at 7:31 tonight, I planning on bringing a light - we probably will only need it for the last 30 minutes of the ride. Yeah the light at the end of the ride, not the tunnel. Thursday is the Light & Motion Gig, so get your crayon out and mark on the wall next to your cribs.

See ya.

Saturday, September 25, 2010


Just a few of the Bastards that came out for a rare Saturday practice, (no racing in the state, you gotta keep the edge on somehow) in the lot talking about how awesome they are.

Cupcake has her back to the camera, secure in her awesomeness, as usual. To the right we have Kim T, tuning up for a trip out West to do some awesome racing (and hoping her unawesome wheel-and-tire bad ju-ju is finally over). The Casual Man, Lee, is casually, and awesomely reclining on his bike, pondering his tall awesomeness while Patrick making a mental list of all the awesome and expensive crap that just fell off his bike. And of course, there's Werdy. He's waiting to stuff the body of the only guy at practice that wasn't awesome, and couldn't do the dismounts and remounts the way we told him to, into the open trunk next to him. Don't worry they'll never find him. We wrapped the body in CAUTION tape and threw him in the river. That stuff sinks, doesn't it? I know it never degrades. Same thing, right?

New guy, Chris, taking some barriers at speed. Thanks-be for PVC barriers! Without them the Bastard Blood would have been flowing today.

Werdy is so fast that the camera wasn't quick enough to catch him without a blur. Yeah, he's like Superman only without the cape. Of course he does have a cape. It's for making "special deliveries," he says.

Cupcake is truly amazing! Yes, but she's also just riding the maze. with style and grace. Grace is catching up. Cupcake dropped her ass a half-a-lap ago.

When is awesomeness not enough? When it all goes pear shaped, that's when. Lee is collecting himself after a "dismounting" induced incident. Yeah he crashed. Werdy is showing him how he got the crash wrong. "Like this, hand in the air, ass on the ground! Chicks dig crashing!"

Practice is over. Panting like dogs. Thinking about beers. This photo is about as close to not-safe-for-work as you can get for a shot of people with their clothes still on. JZ Jeff, on the left, wanted to race for PINKS, but none of the Real Women Try Team made it out.


Kougar has finally scored her Stinky Pinky frame and looks ready to start killing it as we slide into the sweet spot of the cross season. Hence her name: KILLER KOUGAR!

It's even rockin' the team colors: PINK, PINK, PINK. Can't wait to see this thing dirty, Kougar.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Practically brothers in arms, even though they're on different teams. Well actually they're cousins, I think.

"Can't we all just get along"? That's one of my favorite quotes of all time - that and "never, ever get out of the goddmanmuthafuckin' boat!"

As you'll see, last night (with warm summer-like weather I might add) the ride was a colorful combination of teams, that all just got along - at least until they found some imaginary thing up the road to sprint for.

The best dressed man in cyclocross? Maybe. Jurrien rocks the latest 2010-2011 HUP kit.

A new team but not a new face Shawn D represents for the Farm Team.

Dan showed up for the hometeam - ladies and gentlemen, your Grand Rapids Rapid Wheelmen!

Flying Bats, aka Craig R, of course flying the Bissell colors. Go Bissell!

Our friend to the south, and I'm not talking about Mexico, is of course Marshall, showing off his clean, bright MACATAWA CYCLING CLUB outfit.

Not shown here was a West Michigan Coast outfit, and some other kits that I have no idea where they came from. There were also some REAL WOMEN TRI pink kits in the lot at the end of the day, as well as one PRIORITY HEALTH kit, worn by an imposter from another team who thought it was going to rain and ruin his nice clean white kit. Big BABY!


Bobs's shoes - but Bob's not in 'em!

While I haven't seen Bob H in sometime, I did spot his shoes last night indicating that he's been abducted or maybe worse ... living in Canada!

Here's the guy that's got Bob's shoes. I looks a lot like Adam, but it can't be- or CAN IT?

So it looks like we'll be bidding farewell to unlighted rides by the end of next week. No longer will you be able to see sights like these, back in the parking lot, without a headlamp. Ahhhh nature!

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Let me say it's a been a fun-filled week of cyclocross racing and riding. Last night's practice was great - and by great I mean that I didn't fall down and hurt myself - and well, there were a lot of people that were out working on technique last night, not just riding around, and showing off how fast they were. It was pretty cool. I think we even saw a cross star (Keegan Korienek) of the future take his first flying remount.


Check in later or email for details for this one-time-only 'cross-like event. Were deciding on time and place. Right now it looks like 2:00 p.m. Saturday, the 25th.

RIDE TONIGHT 09.23.10 6 p.m.

I'm planning on riding tonight out of Townsend, as usual, at the 6 p.m. start time. For those of you that haven't heard, if you're coming tonight to be plied with pizza, beer, and a demonstration of head/handle bar mounted lights from LIGHT & MOTION and SPEED MERCHANCTS, you'll be sadly disappointed. I screwed up on the date - the demo night will be next week 9.30.10.

For tonight: while we've been trying to have some kind of recovery ride, at a moderate pace for a few weeks, tonight may be the night. At least for me. My legs feel like lead and I will definately be OFF THE BACK. So I hope you bastards know where you're going.

RIDE REPORT 09.21.10

I've been so busy practicing and rubbing Ben-Gay into my legs, that I haven't had time to post up on the last Tuesday's ride. It was practically a ladies night. But men and women combined we had a 15 or 16 rider group.

The front of the pack turned into a Cat 5 affair once in a while, but always came back together for milk and cookies at major intersections or places where the jerks that went off the front didn't know where to go. "Yeah you go left, we'll go right."

Happy face. Happy bike. Killer Kouger unloads her weapon of choice.

Laura Korienek, Friend, Heather, and Cupcake.

And this wasn't all of the women on the ride. Cupcake is, errr, um, ingesting a recovery cupcake, perhaps, maybe, lets hope ...

Just so you know what Cupcake looks like without that recovery cupcake.

Kim Thomas was there - slaying it up at the front of the pack with the bad boys.

Just one of the Jeffs - Slayer Jeff anyway, showing us some of his hardware from the weekend's races.

Jeff - Werdy One - showing off his wounds. Chicks dig wounds, and there were plenty of them around. Not pictured is JZ Jeff who was also there. Hiding again.

Our ride has gotten so popular with women there they were showing up on horseback to ride with us. Sorry girls, you gotta have wheels on those things if you want to roll with us.

"What are the chances we'll get kicked in the face in the sprint? Pretty good I'd say."

One guy, on horseback, showed up too, but here you can see he's been turned away while Ethiopian Bastard and JZ look on in horror.

Farm girls gone wild.

There were even farm girls running wild all over the roads on Tuesday. These girls were laying in the middle of the road, shooting photos of each other, when we rolled up at the intersection. It's called rural boredom. Next year they'll all be in L.A. having photos and videos shot of in seedy motel rooms with bad lighting.

Dan, the man. Wait that one's taken.

Dan Korienek killing it on the ride. The dude is strong. So is his whole family! My guess his son Keegan is going to be a future 'cross star.

When the ride's overKiller Kouger calls herself the beer b*tch.

Yeah, you know what she's got in there. Thank you Killer!

There was quite a drinking and gab-fest in the lot after the ride. The weather was just beautiful, and we made the most of it. Hopefully the Beer B*tch will show again tonight, and the weather cooperate with some more dry, summer-like weather.

See you tonight!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Planning on a practice/clinic at Riverside tonight starting around 5:15, by the Island Shelter, unless it rains more today. Postponement could be a last minute issue, so check back later in the day or email me.

I'll post a report on last night's ride a little later - Blogger isn't taking up photos right now!

REMEMBER NEXT THURSDAY'S RIDE SEPTEMBER 30TH: LIGHT & MOTION, PIZZA, BEER, BY SPEED MERCHANTS - We'll roll anywhere from 6 - 6:30 on Thursday, be there, especially if you need to research lights for the season.

Also received comments from the ChicagoCrossCup people on the posting about their race. Even got a comment from the Monkey Man! He's one of the promoters/race directors!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


To light or not to light tonight, that's the question. I think we can squeeze one or two more rides in without 'em, but if you've got them handy, bring 'em, they might be good at the end of the ride, at least.


Light & Motion Rep is coming out with demo lights, pizza and beer. Sounds like a party courtesy of Speed Merchants. I'll post more on that tomorrow.


While I was getting stomped on by riders and giant martinis in Chicago this past weekend, and the KISSCROSSers were funnin' it up at Highland Park, a few Bastards and Bastardettes raced at Double Cross took home some hardware.

Podium'd Two days in a ROW!

Great riding! Sweet socks! Amy killed it the first day in pouring rain, and then came back for more on day two. Word is she would have been even higher up on the podium but dropped a chain at the last barrier!

A BIG WINNER IN THE 45 PLUS! Slayer/Machete whipped them all on day one and took another podium step on day two against new guys coming in with fresh legs.

Yup, cupcake brought it in the Elite Women's race on day one and then made the Chicago Elite Race on Sunday. Can you say that's one tough cupcake?

OTHER BASTARDS THAT TOOK THERE GAME ON THE ROAD THIS WEEKEND: (But we don't have any photos of them, sorry)


We're waiting on word on how he did at Double Cross Day One. Sounds like he was up front when he got tangled up with some clown from the 40+ race. Those guys suck. We'll have details on his race later.


Kim raced in Waterford one Day One (I'm pretty sure about this). Word has it that she may have had a mechanical/flat (damn!) We're waiting on a report on that one too.

See you tonight.

Monday, September 20, 2010


We had made plans back in the spring to revisit the Jackson Park Chicago Cyclocross race this year. I had done the race twice, about 5 or 6 years ago, when the series was small, and courses were just marked with orange flags, and some tape stretched between trees. Of course the news is that the series has now just exploded, so I wanted to see what the party was all about - and if I still sucked as much against those Chicago bastards as I did years ago.

80% chance of awesome looks like this, apparently.

Rain was forecast for race day. The Chicago Cross Cup Site put it this way: Temperatures forecast in the high 60's with an 80% chance of awesome. But the rain, awesome as it may have been, never came and the weather hung around the high 60's and low 70's with spots of sunshine. It was beautiful weather, and just cool enough so that you didn't feel like you were going to heat-stroke during the race.

Cross bike on the beach. The feathers on the ground were from the bird I just ran over.
Die skyrat, die!

The first thing you notice at a Chicago race is that people make themselves at home all over the course. There was a midway, and then this jumble of junk and old furniture that the Chicago Cutting Crew hauled in, way at the back of the course - right at a spot where carnage was certain. There was even a disco set up a little father out. Nice music. Weird, but nice.

Have a seat. And a twinky or two. Some bacon. Beer. And shots, yeah shots.

In addition to all the fun off the course, there was a race too. A big race. With lots of racers. Here's two of them. One, on the right, is Cupcake. She drove all the way over from Detroit after racing the day before in Waterford.

Cupcake and a lurker, just before the Women 1-2-3, and the 50+ race starts.

Speaking of lurking. Here I am lurking at the back of a near 40-man field of smelly old farts.

There were so many racers that you really needed a call-up (which I didn't get) to crack the top ten, or even a sniff the top five or a podium step. I rode the first mile of the race (the course was almost 2 miles long) shoulder to shoulder, wheel-to-wheel before the race opened up and you could step on it.

Once in the open, you could cover ground and fast. Flat, fast, but with big technical chunks just to keep it funky.

But enough with the racing. The scene was just a big party - everywhere you looked or walked. The midway near the parking lots, registration, and staging area was loaded with stuff to see, eat, drink, and gawk at.

Cliff samples of all sorts, all day long.

A man and his monkey. He carried this thing around from the first race to the last.

Meet Sister Sprocket. Yeah that's a CycloCROSS around her neck and a ruler under her arm.

There are a bunch of characters that make it to every Chi-Cup race, I'm told. The Spider Monkey Man is one, but the more celebrated of the characters are Sister Sprocket and Super Girl. They are there mainly for the famous 4B race at the end of the day, but bring their "thing" to most of the other races during the day.

The Sister's CycloCROSS and the Flying Pig: He's the prize for the most aggressive, err, something riding in the 4Bs.

The captions on the Pig's belly make it a priceless trophy. I guess.

Sister Sprocket and Super Girl leading the heckling of the 4Bs.

If you aren't up on the news yet, the 4Bs is the last race of the day and is just for beginners. And I mean beginners. There's even a 4A race preceding it for beginners that aren't as novice as the 4Bs, but in truth both races looked pretty fast. Both the 4A and 4B were closed almost a week before the race with a total of 150 racers. People arrived at 7:30 in the morning to get on a waiting list hoping a spot would open up 20 minutes before the race stated at around 4 oclock.

Heckling is an art form. An art form that's on wheels, too.

Another part of the race that was enjoyable was the non-stop heckling. Hell I even got heckled. "Hey BISSELL why don't you SUCK ... it up and catch somebody!" "BISSELL it's time to CLEAN IT UP BITCH! And so on.

"Do it in the dirt! Do it in the dirt! Free upgrades for the winner of the next lap you buncha' sandbaggers!"

What do 75 beginners look like charging of the start line? I'd back away from the tape if I were you.

Heavy action at this section. The Cutting Crew bus with White tiger in the widow is ready to go.

Plenty of course for everybody. Plenty of carbon and tubulars too.

Free brats for something like 700 people. Figure that one out. They never ran out, either.

Bikes, bikes and more bikes.

And more bikes.

While there were something around 550 racers, it looked like everybody brought two or three bikes. While there was an odd Mountain Bike or two, almost everybody was mounted on a decent cross bike. Full carbon, tubulars, top of the line stuff, even for beginners - people that were pinning their numbers on their bellies.

In all those bikes I found something that I just fell in love with. Unfortunately there's only one like it, and production of this super-bike isn't planned for sometime. It's made out of bamboo, with what looks like a lot of epoxy - or something - for lugs. Anyway, it was actually pretty cool. Calfee better his bamboo-bike-making ass watch out!

Keeping it real - real bamboo. It even has disc brakes.

Imagine your ass on that sweet seat! I wonder if it's really skunky?

Well after a fun day of racing, it was on to celebrate the day of racing in Chicago. I wanted to see some real landmarks and make it a truly memorable day.

You can't visit Chicago without stopping at the World Famous Billy Goat Tavern, can you? It still smells like old Tribune Writers' urine.

The best place for Race-Recovery Oysters.

Yeah, I think I'll just have one drink tonight. I tired from all that racing and heckling.

If you get a chance to try a Chicago Cyclocross Cup Race sometime, go for it. They are a lot of fun, and the Chicago people really know how to put on a party. There are lots of racers, and the competition is stiff, so pick your category carefully. Or not. Just go and have fun.