WINTER RIDE REPORT: WHERE ARE MY FINGERS? WHERE ARE MY TOES?

To answer "yesterday's seal's" question: is there a ride tonight? My answer is, yeah there's a ride tonight, and then I promptly made a pair of mittens out him. Let me tell you, they were warm. Thanks for asking the question, seal.

Last night we had five Bastards out for a cold one. I think we bagged some Flahute points, as well, riding a little further than the temperature. For those cowards that weren't there, here's a brief report.

See the above icicle hanging from Fllying Bats chin. What do you call it?

1. Soulcicle

2. Ice patch

3. Drool-Freeze

4. Frozen Goat

5. Permanent

(Please place your answer, or other suggestions in the comment box.)

It was great to see Steve Kunneth on the ride last night. But what the heck is that on his head?

1. It's not a helmet, it's a see-through skull and that's his brain!

2. A helmet made out of edible candy.

3. BMX fashion statement

4. The Grinch's Lunch Bucket

Steve B was killing it last night on his tricked out winter cross ride. Why is Steve looking so happy about riding in such cold weather?

1. He's was getting tired of the same old 10 fingers and 10 toes thing.

2.He has a job, he wants an adventure.

3. He misses Grattan and riding on ice sort of replaces riding with asses until next season.

4. He's not happy. His face is frozen that way.

Winter photo art contest, or is there really something going on here?

1. I dropped a contact lens and I'm looking for it in the road.

2. Looking for tracks and trying to find my way back to the car.

3. My neck is frozen in the down position - good for sprints, bad for riding.

4.The road is on fire. Or ice.

I can't wait for the new Tron Legacy movie to come out until then:

1. I'll keep riding Crazy Bastard rides 'cause everybody wears glow-in-the-dark cycling clothes.

2. Hope this guy keeps painting his jacket zipper in radium.

3. I'll keep dropping acid before the ride every Tuesday and Thursday. Wow man, that's so beautiful!

THE CYCLOCROSS CHEF OF KNOWLEDGE: WHAT DID WE LEARN LAST NIGHT?

It's so nice to have the Cyclocross Chef of Knowledge return with some more deep-fried knowledge from the Frites Bowl of Knowledge (sprinkled in sea salt and slathered with seasoned mayo.) Last night the Chef once again selected the tire of the night.

The chef says you need one of these if you want to stay upright on the shiny stuff. Also they make a nice crunchy sound on the ice when you ride - the same sound you make when you chew a Deep-Fried Asian Carp that has been fried to perfection. Crunch-crunch-crunchy goodness with every turn of the pedals, and every chomp of the teeth!

The it was back to "The Creek" where it ended up like this - again.- along with a lot of stories and lies I now forget telling (and hearing). Talk about carnage, there it is once again kids. Sorry you missed the ride now, aren't you?

When I returned home the State Champ (she doesn't even know it's not first, dumb b*tch) was waiting to rub my nose in it. Hey, I used to rub her nose in it when she was a pup, why not?

See you Bastards Thursday Night! Stay warm until then.