Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I can see inside your mind with these glasses - wait - Holy crap! YOU HAVE NO MIND!

Tuesday night rides are always fun - until somebody gets run-over by a Meth-Lab delivery truck. Making sure he can see that truck coming, Fast Freddy dons some sweet-rockin' shades. Not only is he "visually enhanced" in so many ways that is makes me sick, he's also, apparently, ready for Christmas.

Not another F@#$%%$ photo! Will you get a @#$#$ life already you old @#$#@!

Killer Kubiak - I think I like that moniker the best - let's bury the Kougar - was out again, sharing the love of pink with us all. I think I really got some pink eye in this shot, ya think?

Bastard helping Bastard. Here Jurrien tries to screw Bob's head on straight (to no avail) while Kim Thomas looks on in horror.

Hey, what the hell are you two guys in Green doing in the middle of the road?

It wasn't an overly large group last night - but it wasn't small, either. Thankfully it split up quickly and we had a large group rolling together - not pictured in today's gallery of Bastard, but on hand for the ride - Cupcake, Jeff Z (I think he's a Vampire since I take photos of him by there's only empty road when I look at them later), Jeff and Amy H (both riding great, in season form) and a cast of tens and twelves, even more, that I can't even remember right now. After some more coffee I'll get back to you in the comments section.

Read my lips, it's our road, and if you don't like it you can run over us! By the way do you have a glass of Pinot Noir on you? Got any rock? You're the meth lab guys right?

It was nice to see Jim join the rides again. Unfortunately Jim dressed for freezing temps, not the beautiful 70's we were once again treated to (everybody keeps asking when is this going to end?) and had to do one of his strip-tease shows on the side of the road. Yeah, he made some new friends - can you say "Squeal like a piggy?"
Rob rejoins the Bastards - and has some words for me. Word that can't be printed here.

Old faces, new faces, it was a happy little group of Bastards out for a ride last night - if by happy you mean homicidal.

Dave and Surly, together again. My Surly is looking a little too happy, isn't he? Wonder why? Yeah it's the bike, stupid.

Yeah, it was great having Dave on the ride. He's somebody you can always depend on when the going gets epic. When bikes breakdown, people get lost, Dave is always there to save the day. Matter of fact we keep articles of clothing (sometimes intimate, yeah, why not?) so that when people get lost we let Dave have a sniff and he can track them down in the wood - and in the dark! He's like Lassie, only he doesn't have fleas. Amazing guy. But what's more amazing about Dave than just him being Dave, is Dave's bike. That's why I'm really smiling in the above. I'm getting a chance to stroke Dave's personal ass-holder, on this magnificent machine. If only I could have something this dang cool - well I'd pick up bowling or Bridge, is my guess.

You don't see something like this on the road everyday, do you? I call it a Davealope.

Take a good long look at Dave's fine whip. He flies on this thing, can you believe it? (Maybe it's him?) I've wanted a good shot of this thing for years. It's like getting a shot of the elusive Big Foot, 0r a Jackalope. Yeah, it's just like a Jackalope - like cross breeding a Mountain Bike and a Cyclocross bike.
Crazy Bastard Number 7: Riders in the Dark - Hey this should have won Art Prize! Where's my quarter mil? Beers and Fried Carp for everybody at the Honey Creek!

This is what I call Photo Abstract Expressionism. It's like Jackson Pollock slopping paint on a canvas - only I'm trying to take a photo in the dark while riding over washboard with one hand on the bars. Let me tell you I came close to being a splatter painting all over Tiffany (the road would have been the canvas) last night.

What is that dear? A bunch of deer with lights on their tails? How cute! And hey, quit hogging the pipe willya! Keep your eyes, I mean eye on the road! Give me that thing, I need a buzz too.

The light at the end of the tunnel, or in this case up the road, is becoming clearer. What is that thing up there? is the question the drivers ask themselves if they actually ask themselves anything at all up in the woods where we ride. I'm thinking all this as if there were drivers on the roads we ride. Which there aren't. Lucky us.

Those aren't deer, dear. Those are people! And they're on bikes! I'M FREAKING OUT! MAN THAT IS REALLY GOOD SHIT!

Keeping it together the last lap, or at least the last road home - and on to beers and bullshit in the lot.

Bob Hughes - always cool and dashing - wait a minute, WTF happened to Bob?

So we made it back, collected our lost sheep - and some insane looking goats, as seen above (hey I'm thinking of submitting this one for Art Prize too - is it over yet? I think I'll call it Bob Gone Crazy, or something really imaginative like that. Anyway we all made it back - enjoyed the warm weather and stood around in the dark drinking beer and swapping lies like cyclists always do. Yeah we're a great bunch, we really are. Just ask us.

After a few beers in the lot, the party broke up and some of us drifted over to the Honey Creek for some Deep Fried Asian Carp and more beers. Yeah, that's a training program, ain't it ...
Cheer up Matt. Things are going to look up - and pretty soon, too.

Matt, looking glum, eating a big bowl Fried Carp all by-his-lonesome. Jurrien and a showed up and Matt didn't look much happier. He was disappointed in his effort to out-sprint Hedi with the front bunch, and was just drowning his sorrows in Carp. Poor guy. We didn't feel sorry for him at all. That's just how we are.
Honey do you need some cheering up? How about this? Or this? Does that help? - Oh you bet it does. Just hold that pose for another 5 minutes and I'll be fine. And then can you get me so more Soy Sauce for my Carp, baby.

If those don't cheer you up - I mean if Robin doesn't cheer you up - you're not the Crazy Bastard we thought you were. Well as Jurrien and I discovered Matt is not only a kick-ass bike rider, he's also a Chick Magnet. More chicks arrived later in the evening and they were all over the dude. Way to go Matt! I think it's the new Green bar tape on the bike, actually. Even though the chicks couldn't see it, they knew it was out there.
This beer has something in it I've never had before. I'm like flying, bro!

Jurrien and I just watched, envious, tired, broke, and beered-out as Matt worked his magic on the chicks. Amazing, just amazing. And then the night ended they way it always does.

The carnage at the end of the ride.

Yeah that's like 10 beers and nineteen checks sitting on the table. Who the hell's paying anyway? I think I lost my wallet when I changed that flat tire on 13 mile road ...

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