Monday, October 18, 2010


Excuse me, I'm on your left - like what's left of your broken nose ha-ha!

Like Jeff, aka Slayer said over lunch after the race, "You know at the last Slayer concert I went to I thought, 'I'll be lucky if I get out of here with a broken nose.'"

Yeah, I was thinking the same way during my race this weekend. Everybody has got their game on and it's getting "harsh" out there - especially with the old farts that should know better. This is a depiction of a little incident I had in my race. But who cares. If you do, I'll tell you later.

On the lighter side, if you were lucky enough to make it to the Tailwind race at Linden this weekend you were also treated to a great technical course, and the HECKLEHORN. A few of my favorites:

2. YOUR ARE GETTING BEATEN BY A GUY WITH A BACKPACK ON! (Directed at me again - actually this is true: the guy had a back-pack on with a pump, a compass, a foil blanket, and a Mother's Day Card he forgot to mail - yeah I had a suck-ass start again).
3. HEY, YOU WITH THE ORANGE GLOVES, WHAT'CHA HUNTIN' FOR? (Some guy in the Elite race, thank God, it wasn't me this time.)
4. AND NOW I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE WINNER OF THE WARM-UP LAP! (Yeah me again. I can't wait until the batteries die in that thing.)
5. HERE'S COMES THE STINKY PINKY, HOW YOU DOIN' PINKY? (Some guy in the elite racing a Stinky Pink Specialized.)

Amy, in the center, concentrating on the start ahead. Nancy Lange, in the back, head up wondering what the hell am I doing here? Nancy, in truth had a great race for her first cross race ever. Congrats!

Onto the racing. In the first day of the race of the day Amy H lined up with some hard charging gals. I'm pretty sure she made it onto the podium, but at the time I was dizzy from a few elbows to the head, so I'm not quite sure. In the back you'll also see Nancy getting ready to launch into one crazy technical course, which she handled with apparent ease. A very nice first race Nancy.

Yeah, I looked okay but I sucked. Kinda. Especially the start. I'm just learning my Bs. See something familiar creeping into the far left of the picture?

After a bad start, I made a come-back. In the next shot, you'll see why. (Big tip here is if you're going to blow the start, wear your old Nashbar Jersey with Sponge Bob on the fucking front of it. A classy skinsuit is asking for trouble.

Yeah there's the HECKLEHORN giving it to me. It was so "harsh" that I'm actually going out of focus. But faster.
"I suggest you ride a little faster. Or lose the skinsuit Mister-oh-so-pro you make my eyes hurt with your blinging white shoes."

I was so slow this kid beat me and made it onto the podium. Yeah, he's cute but I still hate him.

Jeff explaining to this guy how he's going to kick his ass. In great detail it appears.

Ann Swartz, our many-time State Champ giving us a smile before she goes out and trounces the living shit out of the rest of the women - and a bunch of men, too. She's a nice woman, really.

Examining Ann's bike we noticed some pink adornments. "Yeah, it's kinda girlie, isn't it?" she said. Except for the blood splatters on the downtube that got there from running over the people that get in your way, yeah Ann, it's real girlie.

Even the bottle cage on Ann's bike was pink.

It reminded me of someone else. Let me see, who could it be? I guess pink is the new black in race bikes.

Jeff giving the stick. Job well done, again, Slayer!

Jeff had a great race. In the first part of the race he was in a third chase group - but close enough to keep contact with the front. During the middle of the race he moved up, hooked up with Mark W and then motored to the front and past it. He and Mark dropped everyone and sprinted it out at the end. It was close, with Jeff trying to jump around at the end and coming up a just a tire width short. It was the best race of the day.

Laura once again gunned it onto the podium. But not without overcoming some challenges.

She's looking happy after her race, isn't she. But you need to take a closer look at the bike.

It's tough out there kids.

Laura, like a lot of people, hit the deck early on in the race and twisted her shifter out of shape. No big ring shifting for the rest of the day folks. The technical turns started getting dug up pretty good, and slip-and-falls, from racers trying to open gaps, or close them, were standard. I'm calling Sam and get the Bernstein Advantage!

Crash, what crash? Laura steps onto the women's elite podium once again after putting her hot dog down.

Jeff on the podium again, as well.

I'ts the year of hardware for Slayer. He's leading the 45+ series right now - and opening a gap? I think so.

And this guy (pointing to me) this guy is such a jerk, you won't believe..." Amy having another laugh at my expense. Yeah that's what I'm here for.

We stopped at the French Laundry in Fenton after the race. Very cool. Yummy, and yeah, very snobby. But we enjoyed ourselves anyway recounting the fun and carnage of a good day of cross racing. This was a favorite stop in the summer during the Fenton road race.

Cupcake, not ordering a cupcake a the French Laundry.

I was drowning my sorrows by drinking a $9 glass of wine through a straw. Very classy, oui?

Yeah, I'm ready to cry. Everybody had medals and interviews with Cyclocross Magazine except me. I'm downgrading to citizens next time.

Doosh alert. How long can you keep your lycra on Mr. Swampy Nuts?

So this guy jumped me at the finish after I pulled him around the last half lap (he caught me when I hit some lapped riders that wouldn't get out of the way - but that's okay.) His move was so doosh-like though when he put his hand out after we crossed the line, fighting it out for something like 20+Nothing Place, I spit in it. Anyway after farting around talking during the elite race, driving to Fenton, and then waiting 45 minutes for a table (it's like almost 3:00 now) he walks in still wearing his bike kit and number pinned on from a race that went off at 11:00! I hope his balls rot and fall off. Yeah, cooking in those bibs they probably will. I've got his number on my bars now. I just wonder what it will be at the next race.

Slayer cheers me up by offering me a Trophy Pickle.

It's a big one, isn't it? Well at least I didn't go home empty-handed.

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