Friday, November 23, 2012

Weather Dog Forecast: Power Washers Ahead

The Official Crazy Bastard Weather Dog says: I've got a nose for mud. And snow. And bullshit. And by Sunday afternoon you're going to be covered with all three.

Is this how the weekend will end? Late night power washing? F-me if it is.

So let's suppose that the Weather Dog is correct in her assumption and that we're going to get rain, snow, wet ground and hip deep mud for the weekend 'cross races. I know, I know you're all going, "awesome, it's going to be epic man, so Euor ..." and so on and so forth. Well I don't mind riding in that shit, and yeah it can be somewhat fun, like a kid playing in a mud puddle, but cleaning up all that crap - it can get old fast, especially if it's the start of a nearly month long stretch of "epic."

Seen this before? No, it's not some g-d fossil I dug up in the back yard.

Or how about frozen mud? Remember that crap? Epic my ass.

Just ask Doug. He's never been the same since this happened on a Crazy Bastard ride last year.

Truly epic conditions. That had to be New Year's Resolution last year in Chicago. Here's my epic ass   sinking in it's epicness.

Here's Adam McIntyre in the same race (NYR) coming down around a muddy, slick-ass turn.

Frankly, here's what I think of your epic mud races.

Yeah, you can have your muddy-epic, I'll take epic in the form of nice and warm-epic and being able to uneqpically clean up the bike with a dust rag. Kind of like two weeks ago in Louisville.

Epic, awesome and yeah it was warm too. 

I think that's Lil Pony, Jeff Weinert, pictured above (photo by JTP?) blasting through the sand to one of his two wins at the Derby Cup just two weeks ago. Or is the Patrick Russell? You tell me. And, that question brings us to our new Crazy Bastard Holiday game called...


A: Missing in action but not forgotten. He's done a lot for Michigan cycling and racing and was director of the MBRA.

Clue to A: He's wild and crazy.

B. Cold, frozen, epic and awesome is no problem for her. She doesn't even wear socks. But who is the woman above those frozen, muddy feet?

Clue for B: No matter what the weather or temperature she's always wearing a skirt. She's also the sister of a famous Flandrian Cyclist.

C. He has line up for more Menage A Trois, and even a few kinky foursomes, in one day than any other man in cyclocross - that's still living anyway. (Link NSFW or anywhere else!)

Clue for C: He's used over a thousand safety pins this year.

Get all three correct and you'll be eligible for beer hand-ups this weekend. That's right, cheap beer. Maybe with a dirty dollar bill (who knows where it's been) stuffed in it for your very own.

Now I'm going to stand in line for a Black Friday deal on some piece of shit I don't really want -  I think waiting in line will be good for my UNQUESTIONABLE WATTAGE. Or my HOPELESS DOPAGE. Hope you all had a great Holiday, see you in the mud, maybe on Saturday. Or maybe Sunday.

1 comment:

  1. What's that dog know? Looks like it will be frozen tundra if today's any indication.