Wednesday, December 14, 2011


Now is the time to sit back with a sippy cup full of Guinness or Leffe and reflect on the 'cross season that's just zoomed by. Things we got right, things we need to improve, and how to justify our piss poor training regime and mediocre results. Not really - it's time to think about tires, bikes, kits and all the stuff we imagine will make us faster next year without really working. So right now, what could be more worthless to start planning than what next year's race Crazy Bastard Pit Area™ will look like, right? (Due to the popularity of the Crazy Bastard Blog our lawyers have advised us to trademark anything that looks like it could use it™.)

Let's hope that next year we clean up our act a little bit and quit looking like the Beverly Crossbilly's™ just came to town.

By the end of the season we were sure getting a lot of comments on the Crazy Bastard Pit Area, resplendent with tents, flags, power washers, hecklehorns, chairs, bikes racks and bike stands of all shapes and sizes, plus just general clothing bags, feed bags and bag-bags that were just brought along for now good reason at all. Above is the layout we had at the rainy, muddy Holland Race. Since this race we've been getting a lot of comments.

"Wow that's pretty cool!"
"Did you guys bring enough shit with you? You know it's just a one day race, right?"
"Pretty pro. Why isn't everything white? Duh!"
"What a bunch of posers. I suppose you've got an automatic tire inflater somewhere."

Actually I can see all these points of view. And all at the same time. That's because I'm now seeing the world through Crazy Bastard Quadraopticalscope™.

For example here's the CBCX Pit™ as seen in Crazy Bastard Quadraopticalscope™ at the BIG BAD WOLF:

Trippy, huh? That's what you get when you mix PreRace and Xsty: a hole shot that lasts all night long and makes your head spin, not to mention your legs.

But, really, you do need a good-sized pit are when in just one vehicle you're packing this much crap ...

Not to mention the race bikes you've got loaded up top.

Here Jeff Noftz (Kinetic Bicycle Systems in Clarkston - an awesome Cyclocross shop), somebody who's forgotten more about 'cross just after lunch today than I've known in my entire lifetime. Jeff indicates here exactly how much room you need. I think he's telling us "a whole lot!"

Here was my original bike rack for the pit. Thanks to Adam we had something better to work with this year.

Adam's bike rack: It could hold almost all of our bikes and was a big improvement over my stolen Subway railing design.

Now that more and more Bastards are making the every-damn-weekend cyclocross race circuit (at the State Championship for example we had three racers under one tent with a total of seven bikes!) we're going to need more of everything. While Adam's bike rack, pictured above, was large enough for us last year, for 2012, I think we're going to need to stretch out that tube out a little bit longer for even more Bastard's bikes.

That's why I've just ordered this piece of pipe to make the rack substantially longer ...

That should be enough for the race bikes, and the pits bikes, don't you think?

While we were each bringing a couple of sets of wheels to each race, we're all moving up by buying even more wheels to carry for a tread for each type of precipitation, level of humidity, and surface type known on planet earth. Above are my new wheel sets for 2012. I'm thinking I'm going to need about 150 gallons of Mastik One to get started gluing them up. Betty is wondering if she's going to have to help me. Yeah B*tch™, you are ...

Lack of comfortable seating was a problem last year in the pit. I'm ordering a few of these to "toss out" under the tent. Yeah they look comfy, don't they? I probably won't even want to get up to race after I plop my ass down in one of these beauties.

We will also be bringing our own Crazy Bastard Mascot™ with us this year and he's going to need room to spread out. And no, that's not Jurrien in a furry suit, that's a real Crazy Bastard Bear™!

So we don't have to stop and eat at McDonald's on race day we'll be living off the land and eating the food that we kill in the Metro Parks where we race. Aaron Huntington III with will be coming with us on every "adventure"with his bike and "utensils" of Death and Cuisine™. Of course this also means we are going to have a "Buck Pole" and a gutting station. I'm thinking the new bike rack and the Power Washer will do for that.

These dudes played through the rain at the Chicago Cross Cup in Jackson Park this year. 

We're also going to need entertainment, right? Because just watching the race isn't going to be enough. I've signed these guys up for the full season of 'cross - about 20 or more races. Hope you enjoy Oktoberfest Oompa from September through January.

But the Oompa isn't so bad. Not if we also add a lot of beer and Beer Garden Girls. Here's just a taste, try it, you might like it:

Oh and did I say flags? Yeah there will be flags ...

I've got some master planners now working on the layout of the new pit area. Take a look and let me know if you have any thoughts on what we've put down so far.

While the layout might be Doktor ordered" we also need the perfect aesthetic to complete the picture. Here's my "dream" cyclocross pit design which I found on the Sartorialist. I think you have to agree this certainly screams Crazy Bastard Cyclocross™, doesn't it?


Large, large group last night. Bob Hughes, Craig R (aka Flying Bats), Big Mac, Fast Freddy Mike K, Tony H, Dave S, Amanda S, Bob S, Steve B and so many more that I can't even remember every body's name at this time. I'll try and put up more details later. Also: lots of discussion at the HC about a new Secret™ T-Shirt™ Design™. More to come ...


  1. Sorry Redline Bastard - didn't list you, but you were there too ... big group, it's no wonder I couldn't remember. How many do you think rolled last night?

  2. Matt, Eric, Laura, plus a few flying freewheelers & P.H. kits not mentioned...

  3. Thanks. Sorry about that. Amy s, Eric, Matty Ice. How will you ever forgive me? Thanks for the update.

  4. Oops, that was Amy and not Laura. I just can't keep up with those fast women...