Thursday, December 22, 2011

CHRISTMAS LIGHT RIDES, SANDBAGGERS AND BAR BRAWLS


Just a wonderful holiday blurred vision of the illuminated beauty of the annual Crazy Bastard Christmas Light Ride. And we hadn't even started drinking yet. Next year someone thought that it would be nice to do some Caroling. I don't know, about that, you'll have to ask Carol.

Well glad that one's in the books. Listening to people getting dressed in their cars listening to a blaring "Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer" was about enough to make me stab myself in the face, not to mention the smarminess of travel out of our way to check out the light show. Anyway, even a Grinch like me had to admit it was a little bit fun. Who knew I was so sentimental, right?

It was a big ride with Mike K, Big Mac, Kim T, Amy S, Eric, McFangs Allen (who DNF'd with a chronic dropped chain virus) Steve,  Aaron H Master of Culinary Tools of Death & Cuisine™ (or something like that) Tony, Redline Bastard, Bob S, the entire cast of Hee-Haw and so many other's I can't remember right now ...

WHAT DO A BUNCH OF BASTARDS LOOK LIKE AT NIGHT ON THE ROAD?

One of the most interesting and "enlightening" part of this ride was setting up for the "cover shot" and discovering what a bunch of Well Lit Bastards™ look like coming at you at night. Imagine your Grandma coming home from Christmas shopping, or one of the neighborhood Meth Lab owners returning from a Jimmy-John style home delivery.


In the distance it appears to be a drunken search party that's maybe looking for a party.


As it moves closer, the well-lit, bobbing, moving mob looks more threatening. Are they on their way to Dr. Frankenstein's house for a late night visit?


As they get really close you're pretty sure that this is a bunch of aliens come to earth to steal Christmas like some ET Grinch ...


Finally, cyclists are revealed behind the glaring lights and you come to the realization that yeah, it's just those f@cking Crazy Bastards™ again. Losers™.

Speak of Losers™ after the ride a few of us decided to celebrate our Holiday Light Ride with a drink or two at the BAR NAME DELETED and share some cheer.

We were also starting to work on the next Crazy Bastard competition which is picking the Crazy Bastard Sandbagger of the Year™. Yeah I know you're excited and you've probably already decided who it is, but I'm not accepting it. It has to be somebody else. Nominations are open. After the ride I just threw up (no I didn't really throw-up) some possibilities, none of which I think are going to stick.


Could the CBX Sandbagger of the Year be Aaron? Probably not. He's just started racing has been solid in his category. Also - he's well armed. No go here.


We just took this photo of Kim Thomas holding the Sandbagger Trophy just as a tease. Since she just moved up to a Cat2 in cross we really can't consider her sandbagging.



How about Amy Stauffer? Not racing a lot of 'cross yet, but can make up some pretty good excuses for not racing that she could easily turn into reason why she's winning easily in the wrong category. A lot of potential. Right now she's insists on riding a Three Stooges Wheel on the back of her bike to make us believe she's slow, or just to feel sorry for her. Amy, here is my special Crazy Bastard Christmas Present™. Watch it and enjoy!



ARE YOU RIDING TONIGHT? I'M NOT - SO GOOD LUCK! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!

As bad as the service was at the BAR THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS on Tuesday night after the Christmas light ride, we were warned that service will be even more inept tonight (Thursday), so if you ride and a imbibe later, my suggestion is to steer clear of the joint. My service and bill snafus were so egregious that I literally had smoke coming out of my ears.


My Yosemite Sam moment on Tuesday drew a little too much attention and the whole thing went "Road House - yeah that's always fun."

Unfortunately because of Holiday Parties, I won't be able to make the ride tonight, but even if I could I wouldn't be going to the BAR THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS. But I am not Self-Banning Myself just because of the mind-blowingly poor service, but because of a new class of bar trolls that are now inhabiting the place looking for a fight. I was invited into the parking lot on Tuesday, and last week Big Mac got the same invitation for walking in wearing his Kilt and knee high muck boots. While everyone is free to do what they wish from now on I will be taking my business to Vitales in Ada, The Grill 111 in Rockford, or the Score on Plainfield until the BAR THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS™ cleans up their act. The only way I can see that happening now is if they hire Patrick Swayze to come in and clean up the joint (which I know is going to be tough since PS is deceased - but maybe he can come back as a GHOST BOUNCER™). If you don't know what I'm talking about watch this:


4 comments:

  1. sounds like i missed the night of all nights. had to depart early. thats what i get, im always ready for a good brawl!

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  2. Nice thing about being a Big Guy like you and Adam. Little old men like me, shit, I'd get hurt. Have fun tonight - they also warned us tonight is going to be rough in the BAR.

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  3. TMS, The Michigan Scene, has a poll today looking for input on what you'd like to see next year on the Michigan Cross scene. If you race on the Dark Side (East) give them you're two cents worth. Hit the link above, or if you can figure that out give up or try this: http://themichiganscene.blogspot.com/

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