NEWS RESOLUTION: GET MY ASS BEAT BY REALLY FAST, OLD CROSS GUYS IN CHICAGO

"Let's go, old dude! I'm ready to rock! Get on it ... turn those sweet cranks of mine!"

The bike is ready to roll into the New Year for the New Year Resolutions Race in Chicago. After becoming more sensitive to the needs of my bikes, and treating them like almost humans, it told me so. Yeah, that will be the way to ring the new year - getting my ass beat by the like of a National Champion (55-59) Paul Curley who's already signed up in my race.

Here's a taste of what Curley can do in last year's National Championship race:


Watch more video of Paul Curley on cyclingdirt.org

Yeah so he lost to Ned Overend, a former UCI Mountain Bike World Champion. And don't let the fact Paul rocks a rear view, and a full disc rear wheel and runs file treads in sloppy mud fool you. This rocks it. Though maybe he's a little crazy. Hey, he could be a member of our club, er, I mean gang. Well I'm going to try and see how long I can hold onto that damn disc wheel. It may only be a hundred yards before I pull over for a NYE Mimosa. But I'll try.

Everybody's doin' it. Now I've got them too. Word is for the frozen course this weekend file treads are going to be the whip.


Small file treads are being pimped throughout Chicago (and the world for all I know) for this race. Here's an example of what somebody called "Tati Cycles" will be selling these things from under his trench coat during the race.

What are we going to be racing on? Pavement? And how much are they? The first one is free, the second is a $1000? I'll take four.

I'm not sure, but I think Tati Cycles is either a bike shop in Chicago, or this guy. (Yeah he's got room to hide those tires under that coat.)

Out of the trench coat Tati is also a cyclist. Of sort. He look like this. It kind of looks like me in the Crazy Bastard Garage™ gettin' work done.

This guy is funny, but I think he may have aged out of the 50+ Category by now.  Here's one of his films, featuring "himself" and a bicycle that is no doubt fitted with the extremely fast file treads. It is sort of cyclocross epic - running for the remount, I'd call it.

Nice how he treats the bike like it's a runaway at the end. Does he think it's alive?

NOW ON WITH THE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION RACE IN CHICAGO THIS NYE
Lest you think I jest about this race, nothing could be further from the truth. It promises to be a big cyclocross bash, with big names, on one of the Chicago Cyclocross Cup Series best courses (which I have never done before). In addition to the old fast guys that will be whipping my ass, there are also some really fast young guys that promise to put on a show, in their preparations for the U.S. National Championships in Madison, WI, the following week.

Here's the news release lifted from the web pages of  Cycling Dirt:

Jeremy Powers, Ryan Trebon set to square off in National Championship prelude

Colt McElwaine on December 26, 2011, 10:09pm | More Posts

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Chicago, Ill. – A high-caliber collection of cyclocross professionals will battle in Chicagoland this weekend at the inaugural New Year’s Resolution, to be held at the Hilton Indian Lakes Resort in Bloomingdale, Ill. on Saturday, December 31 and Sunday, January 1. The pedigree of the men’s elite field is unprecedented in the Chicago area and includes Jeremy Powers, the 2011 Exergy U.S. Grand Prix of Cyclocross overall series winner and the 2011 Velo magazine North American Cyclocross Rider of the Year, and Ryan Trebon, a four-time national champion in cyclocross and mountain bike. The UCI 2.0 event is hosted by the Chicago Cyclocross Cup.

"A field of this quality is fantastic for New Year's Resolution's inaugural year, especially when competing against more established European races," said Race Director Jason Knauff. "This lineup will provide a test for the elite riders heading into Nationals, as well as an exciting race-day experience for our spectators and amateur competitors."

NOW BACK TO THE "ME GETTNG MY ASS HANDED TO ME" PART OF THE PROGRAM:

Even though Paul Curley, and God Forbid Ned Overend show up to set the 50+ field afire, even if I get popped, pulled and run out of the resort, I doubt that you'll find me as emotional as Adam Myerson (Cycle-Smart) was at the end this race - though I kinda of felt a little bit like that at Bloomer after I almost worked my sorry-ass up to the front of the race, crashed in the woods, hurt my ass and ended up getting passed at the line for 19th place by a 300 pound guy in a white skin suit. Yeah, I cried big 'ole crocodile tears too, Adam.

Watch more video of Bay State Cyclocross 2011 on cyclingdirt.org

Now when I get passed, pummel and pulled, and as I watch that f*cking crazy-ass disc wheel of Curley's pulling away from me, I'm going to duck into the pits and get one of these, just to keep my spirits up - and my performance down.

Nothing says New Year's Cyclocross Racing like a Mimosa at about 9 am in the pits, does it?

After the race, to drown my sorrow even further, maybe I can find the Chicago Hilton (after I'm done eating pizza in my room) and get rockin' at the Tommy Z Productions Official Playboy NYE 2012  Party. Tommy Z should really trademark this thing. Looks awesome!

Yeah I may never come back after all this. And I don't know if I can make out to the ride tonight. I'm getting my tuxedo pressed and my sidewalls Aquesealed for the weekend, and that's all going to take time.  So if I don't see you until next week you Crazy Bastards have a Happy New Year's!

THE PEANUT BRITTLE MUD AND ICE RIDE: PLUS SPLITTING THE RIDE AND THE BILL

(Today's photo) Albert wiining another one with style, with beer cups everywhere. The boy has mad skillz on a cross bike and if he makes the front group in sketchy conditions you can wave good-bye to the Little Prince. This race happened just this morning in Loenhout. Take a look the exciting Last lap of Loenhout right here.

Yeah, I'm getting totally addicted to Cycling Fan / Sporza live feeds of European cyclocross. These things are fantastic. If you haven't got the bug, get it - it's simple it's free. There's nothing like watching Styby, Nys, Albert, Pauwels, Wellens and the boys slugging it out on the best courses in the world.

LAST NIGHT'S RIDE REPORT: LATE CALLS, ICE, SNOW, MUD, ICE AND SPLITTING THE BILL

It was a true Crazy Bastard night of a ride that's for sure. About a dozen or showed up and rolled out, but owing to a miscommunication and a late arrival, the group was split and rode in opposite directions. (The front group didn't even know it until we were at 5 mile!) Here's a tip: if you know you have someone that is going to be a little late for the 6:00 roll-out let us know when you arrive, not at 5:59:30 before we're warmed up and ready to roll. If we know we're going to have to wait, we can sit in our vehicles and keep warm until the late people arrive and get ready. While we're waiting can play with these guys, in our cars, trucks, vans and Granpamobiles until everyone is ready to go:

Actually this looks a lot like the people that were riding in the second group last night.

While I don't have a lot of shots of lights bobbling along the muddy and snowy roads, here are a few shots of the aftermath which are always enjoyable to view - especially if you don't have to go to the car wash today to clean up the mess.

Amazing Feets! A ride in icy, snowy, and muddy conditions would be complete with out the obligatory shot of Tom Boonen's Sister's Naked Ankles™.

Tom Boonen's Sister, AKA Julie Whalen likes it cold apparently. The running shoes she rocked last night had mesh all over the toe decks. Perhaps, though, they were plugged. My boots were entirely encased in a sheet of frozen mud that looked and felt like frozen peanut brittle and shattered when stomped.

After sitting in the warmth of the GrandpaVan™ the peanut brittle mud finally fell off, and this is what greeted me this morning for the Morning After Unloading™. The crank arms were entirely coated in that  shit. Thank God for Single Speed Cross bikes!

I wondered why the rear brake was frozen and wouldn't work. Rolling into the lot at the very end of the ride I grabbed a handful of brake (first time in miles - with an SS you don't really use much brake) to discover that the lever wouldn't operate - completely frozen until it had a few good squeezes.  I'm thinking that the peanut brittle was frozen right up to the stop. The area where it's missing is from the last pull that broke it free.

SPLITTING THE BILL AND SPLITTING FOR A DIFFERENT BAR UNTIL THE SERVICE EVOLVES

I'm getting tired of the same-old bad service that refuses to evolve with the times, so I'm taking a break from the same-old-after-ride joint for awhile.
Again the group broke up last night when it came to selecting the bar. I'm swearing off the Old Haunt™  and am searching for alternative water-hole that:

1) Has the ability to split the bill

2) Brings drinks to your table

3) Brings food to your table

4) Doesn't charge you for other people's food and drinks

5) Doesn't offer fights in the parking lot as a dessert item

While I know habits are hard to break and the Old Haunt™ is closer and familiar, I went to another after-ride favorite in Ada last night, Vitatles, with Flying Bats. The service was great, and I was able to get decent wine and spaghetti, which is an after-ride favorite of mine. Compared to the Old Haunt™, Vitales felt a lot like this, only with Flat Screens with sports on them:

Could you put the Red Wings on, and I have another Two Hearted with deep- fried cheese-stix? Thanks a million - and I do mean million!

Okay, it wasn't really this good, but it was definatly much better. Better service, better food - but despite my cynical veneer I'm always hopefully that the Old Haunt™ will mend its ways. What I am suggesting is that they call in John Taffer from Bar Rescue to help them out.

This piece of work is John Taffer. If he comes into your bar or restaurant to help you out, run for the nearest exit!

Here's the show. Go here to see a clip of one of last season's shows that reminded me a lot of the Old Haunt™ and some of their issues. Bar Rescue is my second favorite television program right after Cycling Fan / Sporza live feeds of World Cup Cyclocross Racing.

This month's issue of Cyclocross Magazine looks a lot like this. Oh, it is. You can pick up a copy at Velo City in Holland, or sometimes, if they're in, at Barnes & Noble in Grand Rapids. Watch out for the gunfire!

Back tomorrow with a Preview of what's going on before the New Year's Resolution Race in Chicago this weekend. And have you picked up the latest edition of Cyclocross Magazine. Your disgruntled writer has an article in it - but best of all there's words of wisdom and photos of some of our local favorites in it.

LONELY RIDES IN SAGINASTY, IS LOVING YOUR BIKE WRONG? AND ARE YOU NUTS ENOUGH TO RIDE TONIGHT?

Home for the Holidays and riding around the farm in December of 2011. Perfect Cyclocross training or what? This farm road is the short cut. Shortcut to hell, that is. Maybe we should have a race here. Plenty of room for the beer tent.

Back on the farm for Christmas, with what's left of the family, I kept up my usual riding and training (hahahahaha!) routine rolling with good weather and long and malingering loops through around the farm, the fields,  and visiting with the beasts that abound around the place. The thing that the bike is leaning against in the above photo is a giant food pellet for some of those beast, just so you city kids know what's going down ...

Here's what's eats them 'der big-ass hay rolls. I've probably ridden more of these crazy things than bicycles in my life. Looks like they're digging the training bike, huh?Nothing says home to me like barbwire.

A little farther up the road - these things. Smellier versions of horses with short necks and bad attitudes. They make a tasty burger, however.

Up in the north end of Genesee County, bordering Saginasty County, there are plenty of gravel roads to ride, but not much to see or climb. And there's never another cyclist on the road, except for the fleeting DUI cyclist heading to town for a 6-pack or to the "Pub"for a real fill-up. Over the past summer and fall I've shared a few photos of the dull and flat countryside - as well as it's strange East-Side  road signage.

They tend to be a bit more "pictorial" in their signage as you come closer to Saganasty. Just so you get how the road goes from "PAVEMENT" to that brown broken up stuff called GRAVEL, I guess.

Other sights I've seen this past summer and fall - this guy and his dog at the Montrose 2011 Blueberry Festival. He claims the "Doggles™" aren't to protect his pooch's eyes from flying road debris or dust, but from cat scratches. Must be big cats somewhere.

In an effort to document my rides through this desolate part of the state and to capture the long lonely roads you can find I decided to take a few snaps along the way over the Christmas Holiday. On a chilly (not too bad) and windy Christmas Day I snapped this shot just crossing into Saganasty County. Finding nothing to prop the bike up with, I just dropped it down, snapped a shot, and continued to ride. That night I posted the shot on a thing called Face Book.

Christmas Day, Saginaw County, headed North. While trying to just show the desolation of the place, I got more than I bargained for by tossing this photo up on Face Book.

Shortly after posting the above photo on "Face Book" I was surprised at the reaction of some of my "Face Book Friends" to what I thought was just a so-so I'm going for a ride shot. I didn't even throw in my mileage, the temperature, the amount of climbing expressed in a ratio of feet climbed per mile, my heart rate,  average cadence, top speed, VO2 max, or any of the other information I don't want to know people are always posting (I do think that when I posted the date, people assumed that was the mileage!)

Here, to my surprise were some of the reactions to this photo:

Adam York we need to show you how to prop up your bike and take pictures. tsk tsk. bike karma will make you pay for such disrespect of your steed.

Adam York is a well-respected (by me anyway, but maybe not so by some TMS trolls, but who cares about them) Elite Cyclocrosser and I was more than a little hurt to think that I had somehow "disrespected" some unwritten rule of bike photography by laying my "steed" down in the road for a quick snap. In addition to Adam's well deserved admonishment (as well as some kind of cycle-curse that was put upon my head), I also received other posts and messages shortly after the photo went up that were strange, to say the least.  

"... somehow I feel sorry for the bike, but I don't know why." 

"... that bike looks like it needs some love."

"That bikes looks so lonely. I feel bad for it."

So there appears to be a lot of bike love out there. People, it would seem, humanize their bike in the same way I humanize my dog. While I certainly care for my bikes, to make them faster, safer, and cheaper to operate, I don't know if I feel their pain, like so many of you apparently do. While I decided after this to try to be a better person from now on, and try and treat my bike like I would my dog, I don't really think there's much hope for me. However, in a lame attempt to make things right with my bike I promised myself that I would stop at the same spot and take another photo - this time with the bike properly "propped up" and treated with the respect it (somehow) deserves.

FINALLY, a F*CKING happy bike! The sun is shining and it's standing up, all on it's own. Sit bike - NOW STAY while I take the picture for your adoring fans that love you so much more than ME.

As you can see I found about the same spot on the following day. The only difference was the sunlight on the 26th (left), and the "found object kickstand." On the right the bike is laying there, in agony, waiting form a harvester to run over it and put it out of its misery.

After posting the second shot I started to get messages and comments wondering about the "kickstand,"what it was, and how 'I done it. Well let me tell you about the f@cking kickstand. On the first day I wanted a quick photo and looked around and didn't see anything handy to use for a stand. On day two, determined to mend my wicked bike-hating ways (I lay awake all night waiting for a knock on the door from Social Services, let me tell you!) I was going to find something and stand that f&cking bike up no matter what. Easier said than done my bike-riding pilgrim! That road up there is so lonely and abandoned by humanity and mother earth there wasn't a rock bigger than a dime or a stick of wood. Nothing! I searched about 100 yards before I found one beer bottle in the bottom of a watery ditch - I almost fell in the drink fishing it out.

Here's what I used to prop up the bike. It was the only thing on the road. Reading the label I soon understood that maybe I wasn't the only cyclist using this road for training.

Here's my bike stand technique. Putting the bottle to the pedal, or vice-versa, did the trick, even in the wind.

But back to the beer bottle. Did you read the label? Take a closer look. Do you recognize the brand? Seen it before in conjunction with a competitive cyclist? Who do you know that trains on this kind of beer? What cyclist would choose a lonely and desolate place to train like this beyond the prying eyes of the press and pro-cyclist-haters? 

Maybe it's not about the bike, maybe it's all about the Michelob Ultra ...

Continuing my ride I finally came upon another biker - well just his or her bike anway. This was the only bike (below) I have seen in the area where I ride in months - And I don't think Lance was rocking this bad boy. (Notice how my now well-respected crosser is sniffing its rear tire in the photo below? disgusting!)

Nothing says DUI like a bike like this leaned up the outside of a bar on December 26, does it? At least the owner of this bike has a kickstand and doesn't need to carry a beer bottle for a stand. But I bet they do anyway.

Well I hope this little exercise in bike love as finally put everyone at ease. Now you can curl up with your bike and have a little after holiday nappy-time. Looks lovely, doesn't it? Now that's something to love - or something.

As for me I've decided that to really give my training bike the respect it deserves while out on the road, searching for dramatic photo-ops, I've found a way to "stage" it without searching for "found kickstands" on the road.

That's right - just put a bird on it!

Anyone crazy or stupid enough to ride tonight? I'm thinking about getting in a short loop. I will be rocking the SS. I'm also looking for a new place to go for a beer after the ride - though if you want to go to the traditional hang-out I won't put any cycling-curse on your Crazy Bastard Ass. Hope you all had a great holiday! See you Bastards

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND I'M GLUING TIRES

Oh what fun is is to glue, in a really cold garage, HEY!

So while everyone else is wrapping Christmas presents this self-centered Bastard™ will be in the garage gluing up these things (Challenge XS File Treads) pictured above for a race next week just in case there's ice, snow, or just frozen sand. They are the equivalent of the Michelin Jets I ride all winter, so a tubular version, in my favorite tire I thought made sense.

I hope all you Bastards have a wonderfully, and Merry Christmas, and before heading out to the garage to breath glue fumes, set myself on fire with my propane heater, and drink beer, I'll leave you with the latest videos for your holiday enjoyment.

The first is another one of those Petitereines video on Women's World Cup, which has been posted up on Face Book. Maybe you've seen it. If you know any aspiring female cross racers, make sure they see this. It will either scare them or get them hooked.

4ème Manche de CDM cyclo-cross from Petitesreines on Vimeo.

Now here's a little video about what goes on behind the scenes of a race like this when it's over. Here Mo Bruno Roy (Bob's Red Mill) teaches us how to get a white skin suit white again. Are you watching Etho Bastard?

"Zeep" from Matt Roy on Vimeo.

No with this week's (Week #14) WHO'S #1 with Colt the Dirtiest on Cycling Dirt. Always funny, always informative.

Watch more video of Who's #1? Cyclocross Rankings 2011/2012 on cyclingdirt.org

Now this is kinda a commercial (but since I seem to be growing ads on this blog like fungus, eh?). This is a Specialized video on the USGP in Bend. Nice video, great music. Sit back, have some Egg Nog, and enjoy. I'm on my way to the Glue Cave now ...

CHRISTMAS LIGHT RIDES, SANDBAGGERS AND BAR BRAWLS

Just a wonderful holiday blurred vision of the illuminated beauty of the annual Crazy Bastard Christmas Light Ride. And we hadn't even started drinking yet. Next year someone thought that it would be nice to do some Caroling. I don't know, about that, you'll have to ask Carol.

Well glad that one's in the books. Listening to people getting dressed in their cars listening to a blaring "Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer" was about enough to make me stab myself in the face, not to mention the smarminess of travel out of our way to check out the light show. Anyway, even a Grinch like me had to admit it was a little bit fun. Who knew I was so sentimental, right?

It was a big ride with Mike K, Big Mac, Kim T, Amy S, Eric, McFangs Allen (who DNF'd with a chronic dropped chain virus) Steve,  Aaron H Master of Culinary Tools of Death & Cuisine™ (or something like that) Tony, Redline Bastard, Bob S, the entire cast of Hee-Haw and so many other's I can't remember right now ...

WHAT DO A BUNCH OF BASTARDS LOOK LIKE AT NIGHT ON THE ROAD?

One of the most interesting and "enlightening" part of this ride was setting up for the "cover shot" and discovering what a bunch of Well Lit Bastards™ look like coming at you at night. Imagine your Grandma coming home from Christmas shopping, or one of the neighborhood Meth Lab owners returning from a Jimmy-John style home delivery.

In the distance it appears to be a drunken search party that's maybe looking for a party.

As it moves closer, the well-lit, bobbing, moving mob looks more threatening. Are they on their way to Dr. Frankenstein's house for a late night visit?

As they get really close you're pretty sure that this is a bunch of aliens come to earth to steal Christmas like some ET Grinch ...

Finally, cyclists are revealed behind the glaring lights and you come to the realization that yeah, it's just those f@cking Crazy Bastards™ again. Losers™.

Speak of Losers™ after the ride a few of us decided to celebrate our Holiday Light Ride with a drink or two at the BAR NAME DELETED and share some cheer.

We were also starting to work on the next Crazy Bastard competition which is picking the Crazy Bastard Sandbagger of the Year™. Yeah I know you're excited and you've probably already decided who it is, but I'm not accepting it. It has to be somebody else. Nominations are open. After the ride I just threw up (no I didn't really throw-up) some possibilities, none of which I think are going to stick.

Could the CBX Sandbagger of the Year be Aaron? Probably not. He's just started racing has been solid in his category. Also - he's well armed. No go here.

We just took this photo of Kim Thomas holding the Sandbagger Trophy just as a tease. Since she just moved up to a Cat2 in cross we really can't consider her sandbagging.

How about Amy Stauffer? Not racing a lot of 'cross yet, but can make up some pretty good excuses for not racing that she could easily turn into reason why she's winning easily in the wrong category. A lot of potential. Right now she's insists on riding a Three Stooges Wheel on the back of her bike to make us believe she's slow, or just to feel sorry for her. Amy, here is my special Crazy Bastard Christmas Present™. Watch it and enjoy!

ARE YOU RIDING TONIGHT? I'M NOT - SO GOOD LUCK! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!

As bad as the service was at the BAR THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS on Tuesday night after the Christmas light ride, we were warned that service will be even more inept tonight (Thursday), so if you ride and a imbibe later, my suggestion is to steer clear of the joint. My service and bill snafus were so egregious that I literally had smoke coming out of my ears.

My Yosemite Sam moment on Tuesday drew a little too much attention and the whole thing went "Road House - yeah that's always fun."

Unfortunately because of Holiday Parties, I won't be able to make the ride tonight, but even if I could I wouldn't be going to the BAR THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS. But I am not Self-Banning Myself just because of the mind-blowingly poor service, but because of a new class of bar trolls that are now inhabiting the place looking for a fight. I was invited into the parking lot on Tuesday, and last week Big Mac got the same invitation for walking in wearing his Kilt and knee high muck boots. While everyone is free to do what they wish from now on I will be taking my business to Vitales in Ada, The Grill 111 in Rockford, or the Score on Plainfield until the BAR THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS™ cleans up their act. The only way I can see that happening now is if they hire Patrick Swayze to come in and clean up the joint (which I know is going to be tough since PS is deceased - but maybe he can come back as a GHOST BOUNCER™). If you don't know what I'm talking about watch this:

Road House Bar Fight by callmecarl

CRAZY BASTARD CHRISTMAS LIGHT TOUR TONIGHT

The street we'll visit tonight won't be anything as grand as this - but what the hell, we're riding out in the middle of nowhere.

Put on your mittens, stuff the warmers in your boots, charge your lights, get ready to roll and maybe we'll try the Christmas Light Show Tour tonight if I can remember the street (or if Jeff Z shows up to point the way), and there's enough interest in going that way to begin with. 

ROLL-OUT AT 6:15 PM!

Due to holiday traffic and some work-release-prison issues with some of our riders, we won't be rolling until 6:15 p.m. While some of you that are on a tight training/drug schedule may not be able to hold back that long, if you do roll early you won't be seeing the (possible) great light show. If you have extra problems, like you can't find the keys to the handcuffs, need to true your 36-wheels, call somebody you know and let us know. We'll wait - if we like you. If you call and the lot is empty when you arrive, well you know where you stand.

See you tonight - plan on a trip to the Honey Creek after the ride. 

BILENKY JUNKYARD CROSS VS. WARRIOR DASH: TAKE THE VIDEO CHALLENGE AND WIN! SOMETHING!

So what are the THREE BIG DIFFERENCES between Bilenky Junkyard Cross 2011, and the Warrior Dash Race 2011 (video by Sarah McIntrye), and what is the THREE THINGS THEY SHARE IN COMMON?

Guess the right answers (leave you answers in the comment box on this post) and you will win A FREE SOMETHING Tuesday Night after the ride at the Honey Creek Inn.

Here's the  Bilenky Junkyard Cross 2011 video. (What carefully, I love the bike heave):

Untitled from Erik Silverson on Vimeo.

Now here's Sarah's video of the Warrior Dash (WTF that is I don't really know):

Name the three big differences between these races, and the three things they share, and you too can be a champion, kind of, but hopefully not just like this:

(Haven't you taken that jacket off yet, dude?)

In case of a tie, the tie-breaker will be decided by our final authority, the man with more cyclocross race miles than most teams have accumulated in the last five years ....

The "man" I like to call THE BOB ...

I will be posting up some non-results and a scattered report from the LAST DAMN CYCLOCROSS RACE @WATERFORD IN 2011, (and all the fun I had) sometime tomorrow. Stayed tuned. Or don't.

WHERE'S MY SWEET CROSS SEASON IN REVIEW VIDEO? THANKS FOR NOTHING YOU BUNCH OF BASTARDS.

It's not the number of races you do in a season, or how you finish, it's all about the number of safety pins you use.

So these are only a few of the races I made this year. It's fun to look back and remember how each one unfolded. How well I did. How much I sucked. How much fun it all was. It's all great to go over in your own mind (like we all do) but wouldn't it be nice if somebody recorded your whole season and boiled it down to a short video with some rockin' music under it?

Yeah, man that would be cool. Kinda of like this Ben Berden guy got in this video I found on Mud and Cowbells this morning. I mean sure the guy is a great cyclocross racer and all' (check out the sprint and the soft tubulars squirming all over the road - yikes!), and he has all sorts of crazy tats on his neck that I'll never have, and he's skinny as shit, like I'll never-ever be, but so the f*ck what? Why no video for me? Does no one care? Is there no love? Is there no, nothing? I hope all of you will be be as jealous as I was when I saw this.

STOEMPERxMILLIMAN from Stoemper on Vimeo.

While I'm sure I'll never get a tribute video, I did get some free food last night at the Fundy Undy Party last night at McFanggens. (The bar is named after our own McFangs who didn't show last night, tsk, tsk.)

Yum. But what is it? Fat and grease. Stick that fork in my ass, my season's done if I eat this.

The waitress asked me what I thought about the buffet table food last night at the fundraiser. I told her while tasty, it was possibly the worst fare ever for a bunch of diet-obsessed cyclists you could think of - double-deep fried onion rings and some piece of folded dough filled with greasy fat. The wine I bought, was absolutely okay, though.

I'll have a full report on the Fundy Party (which is a good cause), photos of the Cycling Celebutards that attended and some other Cycling Party reports from other events that will be going on this weekend.

Also this weekend is the LAST DAMN CX RACE @ WATERFORD, which I have to admit is a great name for a race. I'll be trying my hand at this. Those worried about mud and all don't have to worry. I'm told that the surface has held up nicely and promises that no "deep bike cleaning" will be required.

I'll have this and a party report, plus a whole load of cross videos I've been compiling for the end of the season when, and if I return.

Have a good weekend, you Crazy Bastards! Hope to see you at the LAST DAMN RACE.