THE FARMER GETS HIS JUST BEERSSERTS

A Happy, Hoppy Farmer, Nate Versluis celebrates the release of his own beer at Harmony Brewing Company. First Prize for being just too awesome on a Fat Bike.

I am way behind on my always inaccurate and highly opinionated cycling scene news, and before time and my declining mental capacity completely wash away the past,  along with the injection those Federal Agents just gave me, here's a quick look back. 

One of the most important "cycle-happenings" this spring was the release of the Hoppy Farmer beer at the Harmony Brewery in Eastown, honoring The Farmer,  a.k.a. Nate Versluis, of Farm Team Racing. The naming of the beer was actually an award for winning the Farmer's Fat Bike Race Series this past winter - since winter is when you race on those things and spring and summer is for not only celebrating your accomplishments on a Fat Bike, but also celebrating the fact that you no longer have to ride those miserable, overweight two-wheeled pieces of fad-a-licious velomonstrousities - at least until the snow flies again. Okay so one man's velomonstrousity is another man's Fat Bike - so don't name a beer after me, see if I care.

For those of you that aren't familiar with Fat Bike Racing, or the notion that anybody would even think of racing big lumbering two-wheel lorries, here's a taste of how The Farmer got his "Just Beersserts."

Harmony Brewing Company is where it all went down. Nice place, but park your #$^%!@!! Fat Bike at the curb, please. The Brew-house is one of 14,000,000,000 breweries now open in Grand Rapids. In fact all the home in GR are now Brew Houses and we have to all go to Rockford to sleep at night.

Mark Hendershot parked his Fat Bike at the curb, as did other celebrities that arrived for the Hoppy Farmer beer release. You can just see the fender of my Rolls on the left. 

Nate even rode in on the Fat Bike that carried him to victory for the crowd to to see and admire its large an big tires - and to ride home - maybe.

The place was packed with people I knew and didn't know. Here's the Farmer's Wife, Sheri, right, toasting the Hoppy Farmer with two people I don't know and don't care about.

Kim Kordecki, Matt Mead and others beer and bike aficiandos crowd the bar waiting for a taste of the new Hoppy Farmer beer.

I even tried the Hoppy Farmer, though I'm not much of a beer critic - plus I don't have any tattoos which disqualifies me as a craft beer judge. My verdict, however:  very good and tasty beer. While I could taste the hops, I couldn't catch a hint of any farmer - which is a good thing, I guess.

Cupcake seemed to enjoy the Hoopy Farmer, even though there wasn't any cupcake flavoring it.  Or frosting.

Cupcake sported Fat Bike appropriate fashion for the occasion. This seems the perfect application for a Fat Bike - logging. I'm buying one right now, growing a beard, getting an axe and a plaid shirt.

The Farmer enjoyed his Hoppy Farmer Beer. Oh yeah ... he enjoyed the hell out of it.

... as did other members of the Farm Team like Joe S. Not that's not the camera that's blurred, that's Joe.

But just as every Fat Bike race season comes to an end with the melting of the snow, the celebration of a Big Fat Bike Series win has to come to an end as well ... as soon as the last keg is drained ...

... and what started as a celebration of Fat Bike supremacy for the Farmer ends up face first on the Easton sidewalk like any Blues Fan kicked out of Billies on a Friday Night. It must be an Eastown thing, ya think?

Holy Bike Crashipotimus Batman!

Racing crashes can happen for no reason at all and are often just bad luck. But this fixed-gear-night-Crit, as reported, photographed and posted by You Got Dropped! was pretty much a sure thing. Promoters could have listed a "Crash" on the program. Below is the video version, from the other side of the course.

Road season is in full-swing. I can tell it is when I get a call on a sunny weekend afternoon informing that my friend so-so crashed at the Tour de Saginaw, Tour de Hudsonville, Tour de Lamont, or Tour de-something-or-other and broke their______________.

a) Collarbone

b) Arm

c) Leg

d) Finger or Thumb

e) Skull

f) Carbon bike or wheels

g) Ass

h) Oakley's

i) Hotel Room Card Key

j) Newt team kit

k) The ratchet on new white Sidi's

Tough Guy Mike Krywanski chats up what he thinks about crashing.

Not too long ago I got the bad news that Mike Krywanski, (shown above in an amazing celebrity look-a-like photo) suffered a very damaging crash in mile 97 of the Tour de Middle of Michigan (or something like that), in the Cat 1-2's. Mike's a tough racer and like many experienced "Masters" has the mad bike skillz to "Land on His Wallet" and save his more valuable hide to race again another day. This time Mike wasn't so fortunate and it looks like he may be out for the rest of the season. Our thoughts are with him, but we are sure he will be back racing again soon. Get well Mike!

TWO WAY TRAFFIC CRIT = CRASH CARNAGE AND VIRAL VIDEO

While there are any number of reasons for crashes, like blowouts, crappy riding, or fried chicken grease all over the road, sometimes you can chalk it up to course design and traffic control. You need to watch this whole video. It just keeps getting worse and worse. Bunny-hopping a downed soccer mom and getting a concrete facial is no way to race.

Crystal City from Patriot on Vimeo.

ANATOMY OF A BIKE RACING CRASH SERVED FRANKENMUTH FAMILY FRIED CHICKEN STYLE

Matt Norton, Free Wheeler team, hidden by a scrum consisting of members of his team and medics in front of a greasy chicken factory, crashed just after the finishing sprint of the Tour de Frankenmuth. 

Examination of this crash, in the video (below), tells us that a race is never over, even when it's over. You'll notice there was a lot of Oakley destruction, new kit shredding and carbon bike and wheel cracking. Thankfully Matt fully recovered from the crash and will once again be out there destroying equipment, kit, and those expensive Oakley's. 

If you don't have time to go through the video, examining it frame by frame to discover the source of the crash, let me make it easy for you. I recorded a series of shots that show you exactly where it all when pear-shaped. Follow along and learn.

1. Here's where it starts to go all wrong. Too many in the group and every single of one of them thinks they can win it. A formula for disaster. See the guy up the hill, in the back, that looks dropped? That's the way you do it. First or way-back last are the two safest place to be.

2. I can smell the rubber burning and hear the carbon snapping before it even happens, looking at this. Guys spread all over the road, out of gas, but still trying way to hard even though this thing is as done as a bucket of chicken bones.  Essentially this is the "Crashed Guys Still Riding," picture. Again, the guy back up the road is doing it right in my book. I believe he's shaking his fist, celebrating his teammate's win, as if he led him out. Chances are they aren't on the same team and he's never seen the guy who won in his life. Well done dude!

3. Here the race is as over as my racing career is right now. At this point in the race just keep pedaling in a straight line and start thinking about where you want that post-race fried chicken. But while you think the race is over, some doofus has decided to put his head down and sprint for 26th, or has hit that chicken fat slick ... or something else that you, or somebody like Matt, never saw coming ...

4. Batman! This happened so fast you can't even see it on the video because Batman popped in between frames. Luckily I caught it on my super-speed atomic race camera. It appears that Batman jumped out of his Frankenmuth Chicken suit and punched somebody, probably Matt, right in his carbon wheel, or maybe even right in his Oakley's! You bastard Batman!

5. Here's a close-up I caught of Matt just before Batman connected with him after crossing the finish line. Matt can't remember what happened after the crash. Maybe this photo will bring it all back.

6. Where the hell are my Oakley's? Matt's down and waiting for help while other racers are looking for pieces of their expensive designer eye-wear.

Here they are buddy ... lets see how good that a Oakley warranty rocks.

IF YOU DON'T RACE AND HAVE LITTLE CHANCE TO LEARN HOW TO CRASH HERE'S A NICE HOW-TO INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO

If you think you aren't up to crashing, you can always practice crashing on your weekly ride. Here you can see the author of this video is honing his "I'm going to eventually go down riding like this, and maybe take all over you with me," moves, as well trying to cause additional crashes by GoPro'ing his buddies.

TIME TRIAL CRASHING CAN COME RIGHT OUT OF THIN AIR

Just because you aren't touching wheels in a high-speed crit or road race sprint, or getting smacked in the face by Batman, you can still go down. Even on a perfectly good time trial bike. Here's a somebody that one pound too many in his tires.

Breaking News: If Wiggo's not racing the TdF neither am I!

Sutton: I love touching your sideburns, my boy. Sure you don't want set new goals like being a proper bike racer again?

Wiggo: Hands-off me you smelly old c#nt!

Bradley Wiggins is at crisis point, says GB head coach Shane Sutton

• Injured Wiggins ruled out of Tour de France defence • Cyclist 'needs to set new goals', says Sutton

While  you may have been shocked and dismayed to learn that Wiggo isn't going to race the Tour de France this year, I image that you'll be totally gutted to hear that  I've pulled out of the race as well.

Here I am waiting to get out of site of the downtown crowds in Frankenmuth to do what I do best these days on a bike - get dropped, quit and slink back to the Grandpa Van.

 Despite my craptacular form this year, like Bradley Wiggins, I have decided not to ride the good old Tour de France. Of course I never was going to ride it, but there's some satisfaction in saying you're not going to, as if you could ...

I thought early on in the season that I could use some professional training programs to get me going ... drinking beer may work for Fabs, but for me ..

Well this year you can just call me Flabs ...

To keep from becoming over-trained I even experiment with Basso's approach to training. Again, total fail. Call me Flabs Fat-Basso.

While my excuse for not being able to compete in even the lamest of races is solely because of piss-poor training, old-age, terrible attitude, crap-diet and too many beers, Bradley has decided not to defend is TdF title because of a bad knee. It looks like it is going to take him some time to recover from this injury because from this photo it appears like his doctors don't know where his knee is.

Tom Boonen, Julie Bonnen's brother, also had a knee problem that sidelined him for the early part of the season. When they asked lil' Petey Sagan where he thought Tom's knee was - well he got it wrong too. Looks like he could practice medicine in Britian.

JWOW from Jersey Shore fame has been having knee problems as well - which is apparent in this recent photo. I'm not sure if it is a cycling injury, or just from old fashioned "Jersey Floor Carpet Sprinting." Looks like her bad knees should be easy to spot by even a confused soul like Peter Sagan. It's just a matter of deciding Upstairs/Downstairs, isn't it?

While figuring out how to get into shape for the upcoming cross season, and what's left of whatever cycling season we're in right now, I'm going to contemplate a completely new training program while I swing in the hammock in the back yard drinking beer and watching another cycling great, Mr. Zdeneck Stybar, or Styby-My-Lawn-Boy as I like to call him, pictured above, rehab his bad knee by mowing my lawn. Thanks Styby - nice work, and nice no shirt!

When I'm done with that, I plan to get my ass going and do some cyclocross skill workouts with Wiggo to get his knee in shape, as well as doing something for his absolute shit cyclocross form ...

Hatching the Classics

After sitting on it all winter it's finally hatched - Spring Classic's in someplace called Belgium.

I'll skip our own "Classic's opener, which was the Barry Ruby, which has had so much posted about it already that one more thin mint might make Mr. Creosote explode. After all it was attended by about 10,000 riders, racers, photographers, hanger-ons, beer drinkers and race-reviewers (which thankfully I am not - a race reviewer that is in this case - and some of the other identities are questionable too) so if you weren't there or didn't hear about it you are probably dead. Rest in Peace, bro.

The Koala's Barry Ruby race reviews got mixed reviews, which begged the question "Are you Koalafied to Krazy Koala assumptions if you live at the top of tree? Trying to figure out what went down in a race of 10,000 is mind-boggling, especially for a little bear. Stay in the beer tent is my motto.

 If you want to read a really good review of the Barry Ruby Experience™ may I suggestion The Drunk Cyclist review posted just days ago. It's utterly Classic. For visual evidence of the race I suggest that you only need to flick the blue bar on the right hand side of your Face Book Page u as fast as you can. The 10,000,000 Barry Ruby photos that have been posted will all blur together and create a moving testament to the race. Of course you'll get blurred vision and throw up, but then again, you'll be getting the full Barry Ruby effect.

What does the Classic Season really mean? Great Beglium beer and shaky internet feeds.

Well if you are a real Classic (Euro-Style) fan you can sit around getting sloshed while trying to keep the crap internet feed going, or get out there and try your hand at recreating your own private Belgium Classic effect by riding downtown over cobbles and potholes along with stopping by the pub for a Belgium Brew or two. That's really riding Belgy-Style since you don't carry anything to drink or eat and stop at bars to refuel - or refool in this case.

Here's a video put together by Vittoria that celebrates this year's freezing-ass early Spring Classics. While it's pretty good, the over-the-top melodrama and gushy-romanticism made me want to throw up in my mouth a few times (maybe it was all the Duval I drank on the ride?). Hey, it was tough, but these are pros getting paid to do this and they can get back in the car and meet me at the brewhouse anytime they want - they're not soldiers in combat, so lets not forget this isn't exactly life or death. If you want that you can try riding through East Grand Rapids at night. 

Ruby, Ruby, Barry Ruby, When Will You Be Mine?

Barry Ruby™ Approved/Not Approved Course Sweeper™

Otto and I plan to play unofficial sweeper tomorrow on Otto's SHIT JUST GOT REAL SNOW SLED (as long as there is no actual law or ordinance against it, or somebody digs up that warrant on Otto)  to make sure there's no one left behind - at least not alive. While I thought I had covered all possibilities of conditions in my trademarked yet worthless Barry Ruby™ Conditions Rating™ Chart, Dan Socie, the man and the myth behind Soigneur products for the athlete (I'm pretty sure Dan will be at the Soigneur tent tomorrow so you can congratulate him on one-upping and essentially destroying my Barry Ruby™ Conditions Rating™ Chart) with an up-to-the-almost-damn minute report, complete with live still photos from the course.

I only thought about ice, snow and mud. I forgot about dog shit and road kill.

According to Dan, here's what Barry Ruby riders can expect to find on the course tomorrow. Of course you won't see this, you'll just be running over it before you know it, because you're going to be surrounded by 10,000 other racers gunning for one of three steps on the Barry Ruby™podium. (Good luck on that!) Hopefully the aroma of 20,000 legs slathered in Soigneur Embrocation, and 20,000 butt cheeks stewing in Soigneur Chamois Creme, will kill the smell. Here's Dan's report (This just in: Dan reported that he picked this photo (above) and report (below) from Rick Plite.) on that thing called Facebook, this morning:

You’ve Been Warned!

... roads have fresh road kill, dog crap, snow, ice, mud, ruts, washboards and dry sections. The 62 milers need to hold your breath on Henry St near the dead skunk. On a good note, I spoke with the road commission and we will pay them for an extra pass to drop more sand tomorrow for all courses.

Well I'm glad to hear about the sand. That will improve the possibility of survivability if you believe my conditions rating #5 and #6. The sand will also provide a proper burial for the dead critters and turn the dog shit into something resembling fried chicken or a Clif Bar,

The only thing to really watch out for when you're racing tomorrow is road kill that look like this ...

Kelly Paterson, MI State Cyclocros Champion, found a photo of this creature. I don't know if she was riding the Barry Ruby™course or not, but it looks like something from Barry County. You know those crazy meth heads out there in the woods ... it's all just fun and games until the cross-species breeding starts!

The thing above, a cross between a human baby and possum, may be something you want to avoid if you see it laying on the course tomorrow. First, it's big fat and will probably take you out if it's dead or alive. Being possum (should oh-possum, I know) it could just be playing dead, and still be alive when you hit it. It could also just be overcome with Soigneur Embrocation fumes and has just fainted. If you hit it, and it is alive, and kill it, you may be brought up on manslaughter charges (ask Otto about that when you see him on  the sled tomorrow) since the creature may or may not be half human. Also figure that the Barry County Prosecutor may be related to it ... you know those small communities.

So hear are things you'll need tomorrow ...

Plenty of this and embrocation. And don't get them mixed up! Not only will your ass be kissably soft, and your legs warm, you'll also kill the smell of dead animals littered around the course.

You'll also need one of these crappy new helmets. Perfect for crap-weather riding. This is the latest thing from Specialized. They just released it in an effort to close the Crappy Looking Helmet gap Giro had on them.

Taylor Phinney, get on the bus. And what's that on your lid, frosting or Italian Love Batter?

As you can see above the crappy new helmet designs look so much cooler than regular old helmets with those vents that let shit (tomorrow literally shit) leak onto your head. The crappy new design let the world see the epicness of the elements stuck to your dome.

What are you riding in tomorrow's Barry Ruby™, Surly?

 ... asked no one, ever.

Well that's not true, people do ask, but they all assume that I will be rocking a 'cross bike. Unfortunately I don't have a 'cross bike that would withstand the rigors and jarring of the Barry Ruby™course - not because it's that rough, but because I have hollowed out all the carbon tubes and filed away most metal material of my bikes to make them as light as possible for cross racing. They are perfectly timed to "fall to pieces" after approximately 45 minutes of racing, making them unsuitable for Barry Ruby™ style racing. 

Lately I have been telling people that I will race Barry Ruby™ when I get a Fat Bike. I've been holding off getting a Fat Bike, but once I saw this proud beauty I knew I had to have it. It's just got Barry Ruby™ written all over it, don't you think so?

No, this is the way to rock a Fat Bike. I think there's even a cup holder for my Embro!

Unfortunately it didn't arrive in time for this year's race, so it looks like I'm going to be riding shotgun with Otto tomorrow. Good luck everyone racing, or just standing around drinking beer.  To keep everyone motivated, like Soigneur products do, Otto and I are going to be blasting the official Barry Ruby™ Theme Song™ out from giant speakers on Otto's SHIT JUST GOT REAL SNOW SLED™. Crank up the volume, and enjoy Barry Ruby™ Racers!

Stupid Bicycle Races

Some people live for stupid bicycle races. The stupider the more awesomer. Just ask the all knowing, all seeing, all chewing, all tree-climbing little Koala bear.

Okay, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there are a lot of stupid bike races out there right now, like the plethora of weird-one-off races taking place in a day or two, or week or three, and on and on until the actual race season begins when it all gets really stupid. No, what I'm saying is that they're stupid, like stupid good, crazy, sick, or bad-ass as in great, not bad. You know, like this ...

Being stupid, is kinda of like being sick. Just hope there' a nurse like this for your kind of bike racing stupid - you may need this health care pumper in pumps for the race this weekend. See my  Barry Ruby™ Conditions Rating™ Chart,  for the upcoming Scary Ruby™ on Saturday. I'm certain you're doing it. Everyone is.

It doesn't matter where you live, Michigan, Portland, Colorado, Portland, New Mexico, Portland, Australia, Portland, Mexico, Portland, South Africa, Portland, Alaska or Portland you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a stupid race right in the spokes. Take for example Cult Cross. Cult Cross was created to fill needs of cyclocross racers that didn't get enough 'cross race pain and suffering from August through February. Born in the High Country and the Front range, wherever the fuck that is, the promoters dropped in a cross series to cover the spring months. Whatever spring is. Have you seen spring? As you can see the branding is all about suffering and pain - and how it's a bad thing to let up on the pain for even a few weeks?

Here's a little video from the promoters about what Cult Cross is all about. Nice guys, but I still don't get the High Country / Front Range stuff. What country does this take place in again?

If suffering from the fall through most of the winter makes sense to you, I guess the question is why stop ever? And why can't we enjoy cyclocross suffering all Summer long? It seems that road racing and mountain bike leave a lot of suffering to be desired, for some reason. And if the suffering and pain part is all we really want out of our cycling experience then  why don't we all just pick up some rusty dental equipment at a garage sale and save all that money we squander on carbon bikes and expensive wheels, registrations and travel, and just take our non-stop masochistic selves to the basement. "Is it safe, right?" 

Stupid races don't just take place in the High Country or Front Range (isn't that a movie with Kevin Costner and Bob Duvall?) It's everywhere in the world. And apparently very popular in places where everybody sounds like they are narrating an Australian beer commercial.

kunye from Sinamatella Productions on Vimeo.

I found this race (above) exceptionally stupid because of the over-the-top video that touts it. It all begins with a profound reading of a T.S. Eliot or Charles Bukowski poem with dramatic shots of dead bodies and skulls, war and images of raw survival on the Veldt. Next thing we see are a bunch of knuckleheads on single speeds all dressed in drag, bras, slips, tights, as if they were living in Portland. Crazy, hip, or just plain stupid? The exceptionally stupid part isn't just riding around Africa, Australia, Antarctica, or wherever they talk like a continues Foster's Beer commercial, wearing their mommies underwear, riding around WOOF MUTHAFUCKA signs, and getting stupid tattoos at the end of the ride, it's riding a single speed mountain bike in a place where there are animals that can eat your ass if you can't get away that's the most stupid part. And believe me, you can't get away from much on a single speed mountain bike. Ask my dog. I'm just glad she can't eat me. But this WOOF MUTHAFUCKA could ... 

Too bad in the middle of "Kunye", the single speed race across Afristraulia we didn't see some of this sweet animal on cyclist action.

Like I said there are stupid races all over the world. You've probably seen this stupid kind of race, which really goes beyond stupid, it's pretty much fucking insane. I think it takes place somewhere in Mexistraulia. The beer they drink there is probably called something like Dos Fosteruis.

Whenever I watch one of these Stupid/Insane downhill races I'm always waiting for a dog, a drunk, or a Mexistraulian Cab driver (drunk and high) to pull out in front of the stupid/insane bike racers. Good advertising for Red Bull isn't it? If I ever decided I want to die I don't need to shoot myself, I'll just drink a bunch of Red Bull and I'll do something stupid enough on my bike to kill myself. The added benefit is that the video of me offing myself will probably go viral. The downside, I'll be too dead to see it.

Red Bull. It gives you wings.

The 2013 Yukon to North Pole Race could be called stupid by people that are afraid to freeze to death or get eaten by wolves. But then those people are big babies. Like me. Here's a shot of our own Dan Jansen, taken from some kind of flying machine because the photographer wasn't stupid enough to get down there with him. Pretty impressive, actually. Hat's off to Dan, who has his hat off - strange because it 120 degrees below zero!

In this stupid good and crazy bike race,  where people race their Fat Bikes from the Yukon, someplace that's even colder than Michigan, to the North Pole where it's so cold it's literally stupid. Our own Dan Jansen (above) did this race and survived. That is certainly bad-ass, and at the same time stupid crazy when you think what could have happened out there on the frozen tundra (Green Bay Packer's Field?). While we are wildly happy to report that Dan was a successful finisher of this stupid hard race some were not as lucky or tough ...

In the Yukon to North Pole Race keeping ahead of starving wolves is more important than a podium step. And on a Fat Bike, that's stupid challenge. (See Cheetah video somewhere above and factor that the wolf may be slower, but that the fat bike on snow is too.)

After the wolf made his catch all you could hear was wolf burping and belching from that distant tree line.

Could be last year's Barry Ruby™? Or maybe not. Looks like it anyway. Let's call it a dramatic re-enactment of a race that hasn't happened yet, shall we?

Due to stupid cold, icy and snowy conditions this weekends Barry Ruby™, or recently renamed Scary Ruby™, could fall into the stupid file. With over ten-thousand participants there has been some concern that the snowy and icy trails will become some kind of stupid bike trap that will strand racers out in the Meth Lab infested woods of Barry County for weeks to come. The sheer number of people doing this race is literally mind-blowing to somebody like me who thinks a field of 30 in a race is big. Barry Ruby™ is now so big and popular I hear about it from people I don't even know, and that don't even look like bikers. The Barry Ruby™ buzz is on the street, in restaurants, and in the shower.

Here's another dramatic re-enactment of a Barry Ruby™ incident, overhead by your humble reporter, just last night in the MVP locker room.

Hey, any you guys doing the Barry Ruby™ this weekend? I heard they were going to call it the Scary Ruby™ but then they took out all the stupid hard parts that mountain bikers like us dudes are so good at, and it's the Barry Ruby™ again. Did you hear that? You still doin' it?

Yes, yes, yes! We're going to be there, you betcha! Do we look stupid enough to miss the most epic race of all time? Even without the stupid hard parts that would have given well-washed mountain bikers, such as ourselves a distinct advantage over pathetic road racers and cyclocross racers that are actually better on that shit than we are, we're still gonna do it. Now could you bend over and pick that soap up for us?

Let's hope that conditions are good this weekend. With over 10,000 riders on this trail, a little ice and snow could go a long way .... down.

Speaking of bending over and picking up the soap, there have been crazy stupid predictions for the race this weekend and the possible race winners. There was even my own stupid Barry Ruby™ Conditions Rating™ Chart, which doesn't actually predict winners, or the conditions, but it just gives you an idea of what to expect, depending on the cards Momma Nature deals you on Saturday, which covers everything from #1 fast and dry, to #6 we're all going to die.

For out an out and out lead-pipe and sure thing-locked up picks the all knowing Koala Bear once again busted out some some surprising predictions which include everything from real-world favorites to the Koala's usual "WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE?" picks. To understand the Koala Bear's selections, especially if you are going to be gambling big bucks and the farm on the race like I am (and will probably be going into a gambling rehab unit after the race when Bob doesn't win), you have to get into the Koala's head and find out how he knows so damn much about bike racing even though he lives at the top of a tree in far off Afristraulia. Well I found out how the Koala does it by getting my sweaty gambling mitts on this exclusive Koala footage shot on location in Afristraulia. Drink up the cycling knowledge of Koala and let it enlighten you like a six pack of ice cold Dos Fosteruis.  Good luck to everyone  racing. I've hear that the temps on Saturday are going to be the 40s so all should be good, fun and epic. Enjoy, ride hard and be safe!