Tuesday, January 21, 2014

2014: YEAR OF THE KISS-OFF


Ambassador Kissoff is calling from the war room. Hellow, Dr. Strangelove, it's 2014 and it's KISSOFF TIME! 


Sven Nys Kissed-Off his Colnago goodbye in 2014. How's that mud taste? Like money I'll bet.

Sven kissing his sweet Colnago (the same one he had been riding since he was three) wasn't the only thing that got kissed-offed in 2014. Probably the most import thing for Michigan Cyclocrossers and bike racers that got kissed off year was this guy ...


That's right, Mr. T and the Michigan Scene have gotten on their bikes, kissed-off and ridden into the sunset. Crap!

For Michigan cyclists the Michigan Scene has been a staple of gossip, laughs, bullshits and butt hurt for the last 50-years. Okay, not that long, but a long time. Unfortunately for TMS fans like you and me,the 'Scene has suddenly vanished into thin internet air with no explanation. After my dial-up internet takes hold, here's all that comes up now ...

This blog is open to invited readers only

It doesn't look like you have been invited to read this blog. If you think this is a mistake, you might want to contact the blog author and request an invitation.


Now I really have to wonder if its only "open to invited readers only" since the whole thing was a crazy rambling rant by Mr. T, Mr. Rotten and Mr Lemmy for what appeared to be an anonymous crowd of self-proclaimed assholes. If you missed the comments, here's a little playback:

DOPAGE
DOPAGE
DOPAGE
CHUNKY DUNKER SUCKS
QUESTIONABLE WATTAGE
LOW T
JTP IS DOPAGE

Well there was a lot more to TMS than that. I certainly had plenty of laughs hanging out in T's smelly basement. I also will miss easy access to the Hipster Porn, but that's another story. At least I have this one last comment, directed to me personally, to remember that great, great blog/site/whateverthefuckitwas by ...

Anonymous‬ said...
Surly is dead on, but if you ask that smug DFL mother fucker, he is right about everything. So much hate, so little heart.
6:10 AM

So true, so true. I like to think I have a heart of stone, which is kinda cool and I really appreciate being honored this way, especially at 6:10 AM which makes me think it was Adam York's parrot doing the posting. I don't know about you but I'm really going to miss those fucking assholes. Bye-bye T, we loved ya ...

Here's something else I'm going to miss (and KISS OFF) this year because of a scheduling conflict ...

The MBRA will be holding a cyclo-cross race directors meeting and official's only meeting on Sunday, February 2nd  on the campus of Central Michigan University.
I think it's delightful that they MBRA is having a meeting that's about cyclocross, promoters and "officials only" where they will probably address earth shaking and important matters like "Hand-Ups. Are they really a crime or just some stupid cycling disdemeanor that nobody gives a shit about?"




Are beer hand-ups a crime? Not when Drunk Cyclist's little darling Shot Glass is doing the handing-up. Now that TMS is gone you might consider Drunk Cyclist as a refreshing blog spot visit.

Hey I think hand-ups are a great topic and could go on and on, or at least until the ward nurse gives me my medication and I shut up. Personally when there's a semi-competitive race going on (any race in Michigan) I'm not a big fan of beer or liquored-up hand-ups, especially if it can screw with the park's rules or regulations and jeopardize the promoter's ability to put on a race. But for the most part when you're totally sucking ass out there or riding a single-speed, which is essentially the same thing, gagging on a piece of bacon or some crappy PBR should be okay.

So I'm really sorry that I will have to KISS-OFF on this meeting and not put my worthless two-cents in about bacon and beer or even submit a concept for a new cyclocross race. Why? Don't I care about the promotion of Cyclocross in Michigan? Yes I do ... Then do I not care that there might possibly be a death sentence for hand-ups in the coming year? Why don't I go for fucks-sake? 

Well that's because the meeting is on the same day and at practically the time as the UCI CYCLOCROSS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS! That's why ...



WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP CYCLOCROSS FEBRUARY 2, 2014

Maybe the MBRA can be forgiven for their placement of the date and time of their cyclocross meeting on the same day and time of the World Championship because the $100 poster for the Cyclocross World Championships doesn't have the date or time on it. Maybe they though it was just going to happen somewhere around "windmill time" in the Netherlands.


The MBRA already pulled this once this year by scheduling one of their meetings on the same day as the Michigan Cyclocross Championships in Addison Oaks. It's starting to look like they look at a calendar, find a cyclocross championship event and plug in a meeting or a party on that date. So whether I wanted to promote a race, or just drop by  to give some lame hand-ups and thoughts or ideas on Michigan CX racing I can't because as a hardcore Vier and Sporza Euro-Cross watching addict there's no way I'm budging from the bean bag in front of my-Fucking-Apple TV and miss this race for a trip to Mount-Not-So Pleasant for a meeting with some bike geeks.




Last year I drove to Looeyville just to see the race. You think I'm going to miss it for a meeting? Do you think anybody who really digs 'cross is going to miss this? I don't think so. So probably the only people that show for this "cyclocross" meeting are those that want this kind of bike:


The new Niner Gravel Road Bike. It's a cross bike for people who want a cross bike but don't want a cross bike.

In addition to the meeting being on the same date and practically same hour as the WC Cyclocross race in Hoogerheide there are also some other important things going on that day that I don't want to miss ...



Marmot Day 2014
February 2, 2014 in Alaska


This is my favorite way to celebrate Marmot Day. Nice Marmot.

Marmot Day takes place on February 02, 2014. Marmot Day is an Alaskan holiday established to celebrate marmots and Alaskan culture. Although local festivals have been part and parcel of frontier life for decades, Marmot Day became an official holiday on April 18, 2009. 

Groundhog Day 2014
February 2, 2014


Who can forget Ground Hog Day? Not me. Not Bill Murray either. But the MBRA, hmmmm.

Groundhog Day is an annual holiday celebrated on February 2 in the United States and Canada. According to folklore, if a groundhog emerging from its burrow on this day fails to see its shadow, it will leave the burrow, signifying that winter will soon end. If on the other hand, the groundhog sees its shadow, the groundhog will supposedly retreat into its burrow, and winter will continue for six more weeks. 


World Wetlands Day
February 2, 2014

The last guy left in the mud at a cross race. Think he'll be making the meeting? Hell no. Looks like he needs a hand-up.

World Wetlands Day is celebrated on February 02, 2014. It marks the date of the signing of the Convention on Wetlands, called Ramsar Convention, on 2 February 1971, in the Iranian city of Ramsar on the shores of the Caspian Sea. WWD was celebrated for the first time in 1997 and made an encouraging beginning. Each year, government agencies, non-governmental organizations, and groups of citizens at all levels of the community have taken advantage of the opportunity to undertake actions aimed at raising public awareness of wetland values and benefits in general and the Ramsar Convention in particular.
Taylor Swift
February 2, 2014
The O2 Arena
Peninsula Square
London SE10 0DX
United Kingdom


Right after the race was over I was planning on jetting over on the private Crazy Bastard G6 to London to see Taylor Swift. Not because I like Taylor Swift, but because she's playing the O2 Arena.


The O2 will be full of Taylor Swift February 2nd, but who cares? Remember where you've seen this place before?


That's right Bond. James Bond. A Much-More-Pleasant place to be February 2nd. (And on top of the O2 that night you can hear Taylor Swift through your feet!) Maybe this would be a good place for a race.

Oh, I almost forgot that this was going on the same day too ...

NFL SUPER BOWL XLVIII
Sunday, February 2, 6:30 on FOX
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey


I can't wait for this, and I can't get enough of Richard Sherman's viral video interviews which should be even better and even crazier for the Super Bowl. The only guy that gives interviews this wild is Kevin Pauwels. Here's an interview with Kevin just before last year's Worlds in Looeyville. I was in the room when this was happening and could literally feel the electricity in the air as Kevin went on and on about Power Cranks. He just wouldn't shut up. Watch him ...



Wow, I'm waiting for my heart rate to come down before I can update this my hands are shaking so hard from listening to Kevin. I wonder if the MBRA is going to have some Super Bowl / Hand-Up snacks at the meeting?


4 comments:

  1. Did someone really say CHUNKY DUNKER SUCKS? Well they can kiss-off!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry Dunker. It wasn't me really it wasn't. I was just trying to re-create the ambience of TMS. But yeah, it sure was a KISS-OFF. I also forgot to add LAKOAGE. Forgive me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You forgot to mention that 1 minute before everything else in the world HAPPENS, the official contest for a free entry, jersey, and pint glass (for milk, of course) closes! www.Facebook.com/IthacaGP will Surly make it out this year?

    ReplyDelete
  4. You also forgot to mention John fucking Galt.

    ReplyDelete