Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Breaking News: If Wiggo's not racing the TdF neither am I!

Sutton: I love touching your sideburns, my boy. Sure you don't want set new goals like being a proper bike racer again?

Wiggo: Hands-off me you smelly old c#nt!

Bradley Wiggins is at crisis point, says GB head coach Shane Sutton

• Injured Wiggins ruled out of Tour de France defence • Cyclist 'needs to set new goals', says Sutton

While  you may have been shocked and dismayed to learn that Wiggo isn't going to race the Tour de France this year, I image that you'll be totally gutted to hear that  I've pulled out of the race as well.

Here I am waiting to get out of site of the downtown crowds in Frankenmuth to do what I do best these days on a bike - get dropped, quit and slink back to the Grandpa Van.

 Despite my craptacular form this year, like Bradley Wiggins, I have decided not to ride the good old Tour de France. Of course I never was going to ride it, but there's some satisfaction in saying you're not going to, as if you could ...

I thought early on in the season that I could use some professional training programs to get me going ... drinking beer may work for Fabs, but for me ..

Well this year you can just call me Flabs ...

To keep from becoming over-trained I even experiment with Basso's approach to training. Again, total fail. Call me Flabs Fat-Basso.

While my excuse for not being able to compete in even the lamest of races is solely because of piss-poor training, old-age, terrible attitude, crap-diet and too many beers, Bradley has decided not to defend is TdF title because of a bad knee. It looks like it is going to take him some time to recover from this injury because from this photo it appears like his doctors don't know where his knee is.

Tom Boonen, Julie Bonnen's brother, also had a knee problem that sidelined him for the early part of the season. When they asked lil' Petey Sagan where he thought Tom's knee was - well he got it wrong too. Looks like he could practice medicine in Britian.

JWOW from Jersey Shore fame has been having knee problems as well - which is apparent in this recent photo. I'm not sure if it is a cycling injury, or just from old fashioned "Jersey Floor Carpet Sprinting." Looks like her bad knees should be easy to spot by even a confused soul like Peter Sagan. It's just a matter of deciding Upstairs/Downstairs, isn't it?

While figuring out how to get into shape for the upcoming cross season, and what's left of whatever cycling season we're in right now, I'm going to contemplate a completely new training program while I swing in the hammock in the back yard drinking beer and watching another cycling great, Mr. Zdeneck Stybar, or Styby-My-Lawn-Boy as I like to call him, pictured above, rehab his bad knee by mowing my lawn. Thanks Styby - nice work, and nice no shirt!

When I'm done with that, I plan to get my ass going and do some cyclocross skill workouts with Wiggo to get his knee in shape, as well as doing something for his absolute shit cyclocross form ...

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