RAIN ON THE ICE MAN PARADE - PLUS NEW TEAM KITS ON THE WAY!

Could this be what tomorrow's ICE MAN looks like because of torrential rains? Lets hope so.

Last year nearly wrote a book on the ICE MAN. This year I'm all out of letters. Used them all last year, and yes that's a picture of me on the cover. I'm wearing a wig and a mask of course.

Well, I won't be making it to this year's ICE MAN to offer semi-live reports, semi-live from the hotel. From the sounds of it, it could be a pretty soggy affair, which would probably play havoc with my plastic toy tent and all the electronic equipment I need to keep my semi-live feeds going. So best of luck everyone, I'm out, though I'd dearly love to hear the sound of 8,000 disc brakes scratching their way through a cedar swamp, but it looks like I'm out.

This is how we imagine our imaginary ICE MAN racer would look like before she got a few sprinkles on her ...  and before it started to rain on her parade.

For those of you participating in tomorrow's ICE MAN here's a song for you (above), sung by long-time ICE MAN Champion, Barbara Streisand, who actually invented the ICE MAN. Bet you didn't know that! So hum a tune, and maybe the rain will hold off. Maybe it won't. No matter what, don't let a few sprinkles ruin your ICE MAN EXPERIENCE™.

NEW LOOKS AND TEAM KITS AND SKIN SUITS FOR THE SECOND PART OF THE CYCLOCROSS SEASON!

Rebecca Wissman rocks the Tailwind Leopard print for her team every weekend. Looks like her kit is getting an upgrade in the near future ...

The new direction for Team Tailwind is for more Leopard spots, everywhere, plus Leopard flocking on the helmet. 

The shot above is by our Belgium correspondent, Willem Beerland. A nice shot from Ruddervooorde, somewhere, we guess, in Belgium, last weekend. This young Japanese lady rocked a bedazzled helmet last year which we think inspired Sarah McIntyre's be-jeweled lid this year.

She's smiling because she has diamonds on her lid ... go-fast diamonds that is ...

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE IN NEW KIT NEWS!

You don't say? Yeah, you didn't say, did you ...

While I may have missed publishing the press release about the addition of Adam York and Tom Burke to the Wolverine Cycling Team / Wolverine Sports Club at the beginning of the season, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to leak news, that may or may not be true, about the team's new skin suits, coming soon to a cyclocross race near you ... 

Wolverine Team Management had quite a battle on their hands in coming up with a new design that everybody could get on board with. I think one of those guys above is Matt Baroli, in the bad hair-piece, getting all choked up about the possible new look for the team.

The driving force behind the change is thought to be Wolverine's Kelly Paterson. A long-time Trekky, she thought the new look would brighten-up her race-chops - and make everybody crazy. She was right on one point. 

Here's Kelly Paterson's idea of the perfect cyclocross skin suit. Can't say we disagree Kelly!

Das German in Wolverine standard kit - doing what the Wolverine's have been doing a lot of all season long.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the management didn't agree to the slick silver look and decided to stay with the same, tried and true Wolverine design.

While some members of the team might have looked great in this kit, you have to wonder how it would have looked on Adam York. Hmmmm ...

Well it wouldn't be the first time the York had been in a silver-grey skinsuit. This was a nice look by the way - as long as you didn't get too close and got a look at what was under it ...

After some deliberation, it was decided that Paterson could have her own "special" kit for a few races - just to be different. Look for this on a podium near you, soon.

Shouldn't that say "Wolverine," and be red, white and black?

ASK THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS: IS IT TIME TO TRAIN OR TAPER?

Wanna know something 'bout cross? Well dude, put the bong down for a minute and I'll tell you everything you need to know ...

Due to the Retirement of The Cyclocross Chef of Knowledge, The All Knowing Hippy Chick of Cross  will now be providing us with answers to all of our 'cross and gravel racing questions. It's great to know that she's on the scene, because I've got a lot a questions that need to be answered.

I'll have some fries with that poodle, thanks!

You remember the Cyclocross Chef of knowledge from a few years ago? He knew it all, he fried it all he dished all the 'cross info we were hungry for. Unfortunately he has retired and now has a television cooking show in Korea called "Dog Eat Dog." Tune in some time, it's tasty!

1. TRAIN OR TAPER FOR THE RACE THIS WEEKEND?

The Lowell 50 is coming up this Saturday (have you registered yet? If not do it here and now!) and a lot of people want to know, like me, if it's too late to start training or if I should start tapering? People like Tony H,  pictured above, have started to taper for a race that's weeks away. Tony is a pretty fast guy and seems to know what he's doing. What should I do?

THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS: Crap, the race is Saturday. WTF and you want to start training now? Well dumb ass it's too late to start training, like that would help anyway, so you might as well just do what Tony is doing right now - start drinking! That way you'll either not feel the pain or just entertain the rest of the racers by puking in the ditch after the first five miles. Kinda like the Swanzy does when he races ...  

2. COULD I PLAY CATCH UP BY MOTOR PACING MYSELF INTO SHAPE BY SATURDAY - YOU KNOW, LIKE THE PRO'S DO?

THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS: Man you are one dumb f*ck, aren't you. Listen up loser, the only  thing you're get from motor pacing probably some frostbite from the wind chill and a cough from eating exhaust. Leave motor pacing so somebody that is totally freaked out flipped out and wazzzzzzupppsiiiiicksoofreeeekingsssiiick like the dude above.

(For Sale $400 - really)

3. I DON'T HAVE A DEDICATED GRAVEL BIKE. WILL MY CYCLOCROSS BIKE WORK FOR THE LOWELL 50, ON SATURDAY?

THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS: While I hate to prop up the Capitalist Pig Establishment that runs this country, and put money in the pockets of those profiting from pure marketing and consumerism baloney of having to have a dedicated bike for everything, I have to say that you don't stand a chance in Timothy Leary's most freaked out Acid Nightmares without a dedicated Gravel Bike. Cross bikes just don't work. I don't know why, but they don't. Something about the weird-ass chainstays or some shit like that. My advice is to ride a single-speed, like the one above that is now for sale at a low, low Lowell 50 discount price and available for the race this weekend. By riding a single speed you can ride as stoned or as blind drunk as you want, 'cause you never have to make a decision like, "uh which gear now?" The other big plus of a single speed is that you have a ready excuse for sucking and coming in DFL. It's like, "Hey I couldn't keep up, I was on a single speed and my 53 x 14 just bogged down in the hills ..."

4. WHAT KIND OF TIRES SHOULD I ROLL?

THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS: Roll what Aaron is rolling -and smoking apparently. Whatever  those hot-ass skins are he seems to get off on them. I dig the color too. Isn't orange the color of "INSANITY?" Must be, look at Huntington's eyes. Whoa, whacked, dude, whacked!

(A typical Slayer Training Ride)

5. WILL MOUNTAIN BIKERS HAVE A BIG ADVANTAGE IN A RACE LIKE THE LOWELL 50? HOW ABOUT AT ICE MAN?

 THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS: Don't worry about the mountain bikers, they are so full of holes and have had their head rattled so many times from hitting trees all season long they're sure to make a wrong turn. As for iceman, you don't need to be a mountain biker to get it on, you're better off if you're one of these dudes ...

(Is Ice Man a Mountain Bike race, or a Time Trial? Maybe we'll Julie Boonen Davison's brother next time.)

6. IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY TIME I RIDE OR RACE THIS SEASON IT RAINS AND THERE'S MUD UP TO THE SEAT. I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK IT'S 'CROSS ROMANTIC, BUT I'M F*%KING SICK OF IT. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS: For a two-bit guy like you I say the best bet is wipe the whiney-ass mud-snot of your face and go to the nearest, and crumbiest car wash you can find. Don't listen to all that crap from the boyz in the bike shop about power washing bikes, either. Half of those dimwits are stoners and they've got nothing better to do than clean shit out of the cracks with a tooth brush and smoke Wednesday Weed. Besides that they make new bottom brackets and hubs, duh, don't they?

(A scene that keeps repeating itself this season)

If you don't dig the car wash, and don't have a garden hose, then maybe you could find somebody like this to wash your bikes ... but I  think it will cost somebody like you more than a handful of tokens ... dude ...

Our thanks to  THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS for her help in preparing for the upcoming race this weekend. If you have a question for  THE ALL KNOWING HIPPY CHICK OF CROSS, don't Bogart it, post it in the comments or on Face Book and we'll pass it on to her.

"Peace out, bitches! Now for some real music. Enjoy the ride!"

CROSS RACING GOES GONG SHOW: A FAST AND FURIOUS REVIEW

"What we have here is a failure to communicate." The Bell Lap at Chicago Jackson Park is serious business - don't mess with it, or him, or you will be relegated permanently to hell, okay?

Riding around the course at the Lansing CX Festival (notice I didn't say racing) this past Saturday a heckler dropped  a good one on me ...

"Hey, why the fuck don't you update your goddamn blog, asshole?"

Point well taken, sir. Well, I have been pretty busy, yelling and swearing at fellow bikers, maintaining a poor diet and trashing my training program on a daily basis (training with power are you kidding?), and oh yeah working and the having my brain turned to snot in Genesee County, but I guess that's no excuse, so it's time to get down to it, push on the pedals, or the keyboard in this case and rumble through as many races I can in one lame blog. Here's what I know since the last blog report since Waterford ...

CHICAGO CROSS CUP #1 JACKSON PARK

Racers, tape, and turns as far as the eye can see.

I've been doing this race for a lot of years. A lot. When I started there was one piece of tape and some Styrofoam cups making the course. Now it's a packed affair. Unfortunately, this year, the course and all the people (600-700 racers!) were packed into a small sliver of grass. Adam counted 80-turns per lap - every race was at the limit with a 100-riders, so it was a dizzy ride, to say the least. Amazing I only dropped one F-bomb on a guy who squeezed past on the outside, smacking my bars (that was okay, not a word) but then when I held on and rode him into the tape exiting the turn he wanted me to "hold my line," (Hahahahaha!) I let it go ...

If you think a Crazy Bastard pit looks overloaded with Cross-Crap™, you ain't seen nothing until you've been to a Chicago Cross Cup. There is more ...

....Cross-Crap™, bags, clothes, and junk ...

... and bikes (everybody brings 6-bikes to the race, than you've ever seen before.

Sarah McIntyre was a on wait list to get into the Cat 3/4 Women which had been closed for weeks. Lucky her, she got to start in the Cross-Mosh-Pit™.

Nancy Lange was in it to git' it. In 80-turns, in 4 or 5 laps, Nancy had a few miscues and crashed 3-times. If you consider she had to negotiate around 400-turns in her race, that's not too bad. And she wasn't the only one ... plenty hit the deck.

Good crowds on hand. Ever see this many fans on the hand at the end of the Cat 3/4 women's race in Michigan? Come on ... we can do it!

Want to see what the race was like? Here's a video from father back in the field of Adam's Cat 3 Race. 100 riders, 80-turns a laps - yikes. Adam had a mechanical and two bike changes and still managed 5th place. 

TAILWIND RAIDING #4 LOWER HURON

The Bell at Lower Huron has some issues with the Leopard Girl. Hmmm, wonder what it all means?

Tailwind's Lower Huron is one of my all-time favorite courses and races - anywhere. Last year after a night-long downpour, the course was surprisingly dry. This year ran during the day added a slick coating of mud that saw a lot of spills - and brought the mudders to the front.

Me jumping for joy that my leg grew back. Still didn't make much difference in my performance though. I still suck.

Somebody who doesn't suck, at least on a cross bike - is Chunky Dunker (aka John Osgood). Here the Chunky One kills it up Lower Huron's slippery back hill. Man did the Dunker ride his heart out, taking chances at every slippery turn and chasing down the Elites just ahead of him. Well done, Dunker!

Leopard Girl and her Bionic leg made a comeback in the Women's 3/4 and took the win. Is the the Leopard skin (real)? The Bionic leg (not real)? Or the awesome pigtails that makes her 'cross so awesome?

Here's another look at that hill. Yeah that last lip is a killer.

Almost there, guys. Hup, hup, hup.

Somebody who made that hill look easy was the Pony (aka Jeff Weinert). The Pony rode off the front of the Elite race and never looked back. Yes, when conditions get challenging the Pony can ride it. You'll notice there's no sign of the competition.

The CBX Team area. How much stuff you do you need to race cross? This much? Time for an intervention.

Leopard Girl Wins, Sarah McIntyre Second, Pam Bufe 4th. Nice race ladies, and almost perfect Podium form ...

The Men's Elite Podium. The Pony top step, Aaron Beebe 2nd, Parmachicken 3rd, Adam Big Mac McIntyre 4th. Two BISSELL's on the Podium, and only one Podium form fail ...

LANSING CX FESTIVAL

The "Hill"was the main attraction coming after a nice starting chute made the selection early.

This is the first Lansing CX race, or rather festival at this location, under a new promotion and management team. I think they should let every one now about the changes they've made. While it's on a golf course, like the old Lansing venue, it's far hillier and just a far better laid-out course. It was a lot of fun and the atmosphere was laid-back and fun - still with a lot of really competitive racing. They also had Port-Johns, so there's that, too ...

Scott Kroske was so awesome he would race ahead of everyone, jump off his bike and snap photos. Absolutely amazing!

A future Cyclocross tar from West Michigan is Claire Reeves. Here Claire is trying out a new cross bike. Claire took second in her race and then motored up north to win the next day in Traverse City.

Kelly Patterson trying to look cool while working something out after a win at the Lansing CX Festival and getting ready to try her hand at the Single Speed race later. Where's Queen Ann? If you didn't hear she reopened her knee at Lower Huron - hopes she's back soon.

You've been Gonged. One to Gong-go.

Here's something neat from Lansing CX Festival - the Gong! A nice idea, but while I had a little better ride than usual, after a crash, and a heat stroke (it was 81˚!) slipping a few positions and dropping off the back, it felt more like I was in the Gong Show, not a cross race. Good officiating and a well run race. "Give him the Gong, Chuck, he sucks!"

The Whiz is back! Great to see him chasing down the leaders.

If you get a chance to try one of Lansing CX races, at the new Waverly course, give it a try. You'll like it, hill, Gong and all.

KISSCROSS CASCADE PARK

KissCross Spectators at the top of the Pinwheel of death hill. Nobody died up there, but some chains got dropped and some beer got drunk, that's for sure.

I've hit the Cascade race two years in a row and while the course has been altered a little it's essentially the same ground and makes for a pretty good course with off-camber, a little sand, and some pavement here and there. It looked like a lot of people were there. The pin-wheel of death on the top of a little hill, right after the start, backed up traffic, and then spread the race out and it wasn't soon before the course was covered with racers. The only downside - spectators were wandering and riding across the course, and some creative sand castle work in the sand pit cause a few, but not serious, wrecks.

Adam and the Geeze coming up the sidewalk. Who are they chasing?

Probably Aaron Beebe, coming across the start finish line. 

KissCross Cascade Park Spectators. One seems interested in the action, the other could care less who won. It was a beautiful day to watch bike dorks jumping over things and crashing in the sand.

Speaking of crashing in the sand, from reports I've received this is exactly what Slayer's crash looked like in the sand when he hit a ramp built by some kids, after the A's pre-ride. Just insert Jeff's Okay, where you hear Joey. Glad to hear he's okay. See you all at Mad Anthony this weekend.