Monday, March 18, 2013

Cyclocross in National TV Ad for a Car Company? Get Outta Here!

Hey dude, where's our car? This is a car commercial, right?

Imagine my surprise while finishing up my off-season training by eating donuts, drinking beer and watching television (I was breathlessly awaiting the announcement of the NBA brackets or something like that) when I saw a television commercial for a car company, or a car, called the  SCION, whatever in the fuck that is, come on my donut and beer splattered BIG SCREEN TV.

While I was more than mildly interested in the amount of bicycles featured in the opening of the spot, let me tell you I almost dropped my powered donut into my French Dip (I prefer it to hot chocolate - dipping in beer just seems wrong) when I saw a short clip on cyclocross in the spot. I know that there was some beer ad on TV over a hundred years ago that contained a Cyclocross scene, but that doesn't count because everyone that saw that ad, or was in it, is now, sadly, dead. So check this out, and let me know if you see it on the air.

While hipsters and fixies are a favorite car ad "prop-theme" (as they are in this ad) cyclocross is all new - and wait until to see what it is - a bike change no less! The only thing disturbing about this ad (and it's been noted that even the hipsters are wearing helmet so that's no disturbing) is that they keep referring to that "Every Second Counts" theme which comes from Lance Armstrong, disgraced TdF ex-champ that confessed on Opwha he had sex with Sheryl Crow.

This week I should also have some "Funny" posts about riding around our hilariously Bike-Friendly-And-Nothing-But-Fun-And-Laffs City, plus some updates on the Barry Ruby course conditions which were rated today on Facebook by a well known and experienced cyclist as ... 


If you didn't know there was a Barry Ruby Conditions Rating Guide™, read up and get wise - here it is kids - and Barry Ruby contestants:

1. Top Notch - Dry, no potholes, perfect weather. The hills have been flattened so there's none of that painful climbing shit. Wear your tri-suit for a better tan.

2. Dry, some sand but fast. The hills are back in but Leprechauns are wandering around the course with pots of gold. And beer. And Strippers (both male and female - Barry Ruby loves to celebrate diversity.)

3. A little rainy but warm. You can pretend you rode an epic race without it really being epic, or hurting like an epic race really does. The photos, which there will be about ten million, will be cool and you'll look like a total bad-ass.

4. Rainy, snowy and crappy. Typical Barry Ruby. You'll hurt some, but it should stop short of crying in public. You'll be able to tell everyone that you, "bonked," explaining your shitty finishing position.

5. Frozen shit storm of elements common on Jupiter, but never seen before on this planet. You'll probably lose a few toes and maybe a finger, or you'll get a flesh wound from a 22 LR weilded by a roadside Barry County Meth dealer, but nothing major. You'll live. The good part is you won't even know you've broken your collar bone until you thaw out at home and the all the crappy free beer you drank wears off.

6. Conditions finally reduce the chance of there being any survivors of the race to absolute zero. You are all going to die.


  1. I think we're headed for a combination of #5 and #6. If the meth-head 22LR doesn't get you, the conditions will!

  2. I'm thinking 22 LR is what those 'people' pack. That Breaking Bad show is bullshit. Meth heads are really Walmart Mobsters, that's my guess. I've never really met any that I knew of, and I've never watched Breaking Bad. And I didn't bother to ride Barry Ruby, either. So WTF do I know. But conditions, yeah probably 5.7. Brrrrrrrrrrshiiiiit.

    1. Surly you topped yourself. I think we are going to have a 5+ Saturday!! Two weeks ago we were on a training ride down there and when we came over the top of a hill there was a huge dog hot on the tracks of a coyote! He was closely followed by two dumb-asses with guns hanging out of their truck watching the woods. I was dam near taken out by the dog that was not looking but had his head down, the truck almost took out the rest of the guys. Can't imagine the carnage if the coyote was running down the road. Hope these guys stay home saturday!

  3. More I think about I think those cheap bastards down there will be shooting at you with 22-shorts, which don't really hurt that much. Not as much as being taken out by that dog. So it's all good, as they say ... good luck!