Hatching the Classics

After sitting on it all winter it's finally hatched - Spring Classic's in someplace called Belgium.

I'll skip our own "Classic's opener, which was the Barry Ruby, which has had so much posted about it already that one more thin mint might make Mr. Creosote explode. After all it was attended by about 10,000 riders, racers, photographers, hanger-ons, beer drinkers and race-reviewers (which thankfully I am not - a race reviewer that is in this case - and some of the other identities are questionable too) so if you weren't there or didn't hear about it you are probably dead. Rest in Peace, bro.

The Koala's Barry Ruby race reviews got mixed reviews, which begged the question "Are you Koalafied to Krazy Koala assumptions if you live at the top of tree? Trying to figure out what went down in a race of 10,000 is mind-boggling, especially for a little bear. Stay in the beer tent is my motto.

 If you want to read a really good review of the Barry Ruby Experience™ may I suggestion The Drunk Cyclist review posted just days ago. It's utterly Classic. For visual evidence of the race I suggest that you only need to flick the blue bar on the right hand side of your Face Book Page u as fast as you can. The 10,000,000 Barry Ruby photos that have been posted will all blur together and create a moving testament to the race. Of course you'll get blurred vision and throw up, but then again, you'll be getting the full Barry Ruby effect.

What does the Classic Season really mean? Great Beglium beer and shaky internet feeds.

Well if you are a real Classic (Euro-Style) fan you can sit around getting sloshed while trying to keep the crap internet feed going, or get out there and try your hand at recreating your own private Belgium Classic effect by riding downtown over cobbles and potholes along with stopping by the pub for a Belgium Brew or two. That's really riding Belgy-Style since you don't carry anything to drink or eat and stop at bars to refuel - or refool in this case.

Here's a video put together by Vittoria that celebrates this year's freezing-ass early Spring Classics. While it's pretty good, the over-the-top melodrama and gushy-romanticism made me want to throw up in my mouth a few times (maybe it was all the Duval I drank on the ride?). Hey, it was tough, but these are pros getting paid to do this and they can get back in the car and meet me at the brewhouse anytime they want - they're not soldiers in combat, so lets not forget this isn't exactly life or death. If you want that you can try riding through East Grand Rapids at night. 

IT'S CLASSIC'S TIME! CRASHES, CRACKED CLAVICLES AND GIRLS GONE CRAZY

Nothing says Spring Classics to me like broken bones and a saucy Belgian Gal licking the road grime and horse poop from the cobbles off her face. I can also see where she got her 15% off.

Ouch! That looks like it hurts, ladies. This is more than 15% off, it looks like the 99% of the break. While this looks like a cycling accident it's actually a scene from the Women's NCAA final four action between UCONN and ND.

It's been awhile since the last blog - a heavy workload and family duties have kept me away from making a fool of myself and the local cycling scene, and for that I truly apologize. If anybody cares, which I'm sure they don't. I have been so busy that I haven't had time to even run out a report on last weekend's Lowell 50 which sounded like a total hoot. Congratulations to Crazy Bastards and Crazy Bastard fellow-travelers, for their fine showing on the gravel. Hat's off to Big Mac (Adam McIntyre) and Flying Bats (Craig Rawling) for their podium finishes. Also we're heard that Julie Boonen was a winner, as was her brother in this last weekend's Classic in some place called Flanders.

Sad to report that Big Mac's hero, Fab, or Spartacus as everyone like to call Fabian C, broke a collarbone in the race this weekend. The only good part was that it allowed Julie Boonen's brother to win.

When it came to racing I was totally out of it this weekend, as I said, being sequestered at the family compound which I like to call my own Little Shop of Horrors or Dome of Terror. For those of you who haven't visited the place where I was born and raised, here's pretty much what it looks like today.

As you can see with all those people hanging over the dome to watch "Two Men Enter One Man Leaves" action, access to the "internets" is pretty tough. I had to follow it on Twitter, and brief text messages from Big Mac. 

Here's a better shot of the place during the day. Fewer people, I guess they're out gathering broken clavicles. But the internets reception still sucks.

This is what I was envisioning as I listened to the reports from that place called Flanders. When I heard that Pozzato, the "Shadow" had locked himself onto Julie Boonen's brother's wheel I was thinking it was going to end up like this. I really love pro cycling, don't you? Good thing Tom won, or the Belgies would have done more than flip the Shadow off.

Okay, here's something I do like about pro cycling, and Spring Classics. Weird, naked people on the side of the road. You gives you that great "hey did you see that shit?" moment that's always so lacking in day-to-day life.

While the above photo (a recent shot from another "Spring Has Sprung Classic") may be a tad inappropriate, at least  it's far more comforting than the crash photo we kicked the blog off with with a pile of women racers all  tangled up in some kind of game of Twister with bicycles. As I also alluded to at the opening of today's show, was a women's NCAA basketball game this weekend which resembled a mix of cage fighting, hockey, and something that looked a lot like this, which made me feel right at "home," and back at the "Dome."

Ladies, ladies, can't we all just get along? Okay, hell no? Who wants the chainsaw then?

All I can to this new generation of super-competitive and competitive females is "quit being haters and just put on crazy outfits and go riding, not crashing."

Or just spend some quality time organizing your bike stuff. I love the sunglasses assortment. This young lady has her priorities in order: helmets, glasses, shoes, a drawer full of bib shorts, and wheels.

If you're not a roadie, then just get out there and give your mountain bike some stick. I can't tell, is this Julie Boonen?

Another Spring Classic: Leather (Plastic-Pleather) boots, jacket and fall-way top, and lots and lots of carbon. Looks like she dropped her whip somewhere. She's saying: "this comes in carbon. I mean it comes in carbon."

With all that saddle time this spring, ladies, you'll be ready to ride like little Red Riding Hood here and splash away on your mountain bike through the woods, and on to grandmother's house. I feel bad for the Big Bad Wolf if he catches her. I also hope that this wasn't painted at Luton, because it looks wet and I'll bet they're are leaving some ruts.