THE ALIEN INVASION OF LOOEVILLE 2012-13

The Aliens have arrived and are already flexing their muscles on our soil. Helen Wyman, from the Planet England, shows us the wicked, potential power of the alien invasion that has just begun. Check her out winning the Planet Euro Championship this year in a great video at the end of this post.

While there weren't a lot of aliens at the USGP Derby Cup in Looeville this past week, in the form of Elite Men Aliens, there were a number of female Aliens on hand to scope out the landing site and make preparation for invasion that's coming early next year for the World Championship in Looeville. While it's strange to see these people from other planets walk among us, all coming from the distant Galaxy Europe, it's also worth noting that there have been aliens living and racing among us for sometime.

Here's a gathering of three Aliens: Gabby Day and Helen Wyman from the Plant England, and Anthony Clark, an Alien more alien than any other alien walking the earth ... he's from Planet Ssiccckckccksksffufuckswhaszzzzzzupp.

Anthony tries to show Helen the size of the "Probe" he's brought with him to "examine" earthlings. She's not that impressed it appears. 

Helen shows him what he'll be getting if he brings that probe anywhere near her. He shows her orders from his planet written in Ssiccckckccksksffufuckswhaszzzzzzupp on the inside of his bicep.

If you don't believe me that Anthony Clark is an Alien from another planet, just read this message, sent by him, which we intercepted just this morning on the Intergalactic Communication device called "Twitter."

"Sikkkkkkkkkkk work bussyy shitiitiitii party for my nephew tonighttg sikkkkkk gotta ride later sikkkkkkkk whhwhwhatat fucfkinh sikkkkk"

The lead attorney and Alien Liaison from Team Sandbag tries to make contact with another Female Alien - this one is from Planet Czech.

He examines her closely for any sign of weakness and impregnability. She hit him with a "Czech-Stunner" on the next lap.

Amazingly this Alien spoke perfect "American" and was quite pleasant. Here name is Katerina Nash and there's a good chance she won't return to her home planet. There's also a better chance she'll never get this close to me ever again.

Friendly Aliens were everywhere. This one brought an exciting new material to the race from Planet Sachs - it's called Steel!

Another beautiful Alien, this one from the Planet Canada was on hand to check out the race.

She brought this specimen, one of the few Alien Males to make the race, to do her bidding no doubt. All-in-all the Canadian Aliens were really nice ... for aliens anyway.

Here's the landing pad. After setting down on top of this thing called the Flyover, the Aliens can slide down or take the stairs. How thoughtful.

Here's one of the Alien ships, with a illustration of the what the animals look like on the planet "Belgium."

Drinking so soon to forget that you've brought the Aliens among us, Joan?

Joan Hanscom works with the Aliens and is in part responsibly for bringing them to our planet. I caught her drinking beer while using her "communicator" to direct the alien ships to the landing pad (Flyover). I guess she needed the alcohol to live with herself. Noting her manner of dress and fashion statements she has made over the years I've often wondered if Joan is really "one of them."

During the race one of the "Pit Aliens" shape-shifts. Tricky, perverted Aliens. Look out!

This young boy was attacked by Aliens in the opening sprint of his race. Usually you only see this kind of injury when you're dealing with Aliens from the Planet "Criterium."

This is where the "Homing Beacon" is embedded that is drawing the aliens to earth. It essentially contains beam that directs them to the landing Flyover. I think I've seen this somewhere else before ...

Same old story in 'cross: The Euro-Aliens think they are going to make monkeys out of us once again. But maybe not this time ...

Because we have a not-so-secret weapon to defeat them - The KfC!

One last Alien issue ... what planet is this Alien from?

Whuzzzzzzzzzzup Earthlings? Take me to your Microbrewery."

Now another great video by Petisreines. This one is filled with Alien Women, and nothing but, competing for the championshiop of their home planet, Europe this year. You can see Helen Wyman at work ... great stuff and worth a look. Enjoy.

MICHIGAN CROSSERS SCORE BIG AT THE DERBY CUP AND GO HOME HAPPY

Why is the Cupcake smiling? Why is she so happy? To be back racing again is my guess.

While Cupcake may not have been up on the podium, like a few other notable Michigan 'Crossers, she was glad (is my guess) to be finally racing again after an injury took her off the bike for a few weeks after Mad Anthony where she was having a great ride. Coming back after a downhill crash to tackle this course, hats off to you young lady, well done. I also wanted to kick this quick post off with a good looking photo instead of some of the other options available to me when talking about the Michigan Cyclocrossers that made it to Derby Cup this year.

See I could have opened the post today with a shot of Mike Seamen's. This is what 2-days of USGP Single-Speed racing can do to you.

So I could have started with Mike, JB Hancock, Matt Baroli, or any number of other Hooligan's from the Team Sandbag Team and probably would have gotten a cease and desist order from Blogger and Google. I could have started off with this guy, too, but then too much of a bad thing is wrong ...

John Osgood. He Cant' Stop, Won't Stop, unless you get a restraining order.

Now for the real Michigan Cross Heroes: Mark Wolowiec kills it two days in a row with a win on Saturday and a Second on Sunday in the 55+. Well done Mark!

Joan Hanscom tries to open one of the bottle of Champagne she hasn't drunk that day for Mark Wolowiec's podium presentation.

 Mark let's the Champagne rip. Nice! Thanks for leaving a sip Joan.

Here's Mark killing it - not sure of the photographer - either Big Mac or Jeffery Tom Payne.

Jeff "Lil Pony" Weinert showed up big for himself, his Wolverine Team, and Michigan, with wins Saturday and Sunday in a super tough 45+. Congratulations to you Jeff, awesome. 

 

Here's Jeff letting loose with the Champagne - on the podium with the Katie Compton's wife, Mark Legg, who had been owning this series until Jeff decided otherwise.

  Jeff chasing through the sand on his way to another win. Photo by Patrick Russell.

While he may not have been near the podium, Adam McIntyre showed he had the right-cross-stuff, and the legs, by moving up from 120th-something to 45th in the Men's Cat 2/3. Did you see his video of the carnage in that race? See yesterdays post right here.

This doesn't look like it was sketch to ride - but it was. Adam attacks the greasy off-camber. This will be the cover of his book - "HOW I ATTACKED THE GREASY OFF-CAMBER."

Nice shot of Matt Baroli cresting a short little climb, and looking so pro. Photo by Jeffery Tom Payne. 

Speaking of sand: "Who is that man riding so slowly through the sand?" Hey, at least he's riding, for now. Photo by McIntyre.

But not riding for long. This is how I looked trailing off the back in the 55+.  Nothing but fun, huh? Photo by McIntyre. Yeah I sucked more than air. I just sucked.

Trying to, trying to, just make it over this little hill so I can get over the next six. Duh. Photo by Jeffery Tom Payne. Thanks for the photo, I almost look like I'm moving here.

Later today or tomorrow the fun photos and stories about the pros at the Derby Cup are on tap. Planning to ride tonight. Can't decide on SS or not. Any thoughts on Gearage?

CRAZY HOT IN LOOEVILLE: THE DERBY REPORT CONTINUES ...

Yeah it was HOT in Looeville during the Derby Cup. How Hot? This Hot. 

(Photo: Adam McIntyre)

There are so many photos and stories flying in from the two days in Looeville it will probably take  three or more posts to get it all in there. One of the best of the weekend is right here - a great first lap and additional footage from the men's 2-3 race Saturday morning. Take a ride along with Adam McIntrye for one scary, crazy ride as he works his way through 120 cross-eyed crossers from all over the country. It take some guts to stick your nose in this mess.

Here's another short video from the same day, featuring another crash in the same spot as the #2 crash in Adam's video. There was also a crash in the same spot in my race, and a real bad one in the 35+ race later. They took this section out Sunday. Wanna see the best of Cat 4 racing, here it is. Go KARL!

More later today - I hope!

DERBY CUP DAY 1: THE FLASH, THE CRASH, THE TRASH AND THE NASH

Suicidal Cat 2-3's as far as the eye can see. Adam McIntyre is in there. Can you spot him? It's like finding Waldo.

Women's elites flying down the flyover. KfC was there about 5 minutes earlier.

Sand pit number one was approximately 18-miles long. Well it felt like it anyway.

A tough, but fun day at the Derby Cup USGP race here in Louisville. There was a lot going on here today so before we get into the Crashes, Trashes and the voting on Nash, here's a brief overview of what went down here today.

1. Michigan Racers kicked ass - Jeff Weinert took first in the 45+ and Mark Woloweic a first in the 55+. Great stuff! Adam McIntyre survived a hairy crash-o-rama 2-3 race to move from a 120th start spot to 55 - awesome ride.  Cupcake had another great ride and Osgood and JB were up in the top ten in the single speed class. Das German had a good race in the elites, dropping a tough looking Adam Myerson about half-way home. Well done everybody. Me, I sucked so bad I can't even make fun of it anymore.

Katie Compton was so fast this was as close I could get to a photo - nice pink tire though.

2. The women's elite race was a runaway by KfC, but also included a great ride by Katrina Nash, an awesome comeback for a podium step by Georgia Gould, and some wonderful riding by Brit Helen Wyman.

3. Highly competitive elite men's race with a battle between J-Pow, Trebon, Berden, Summerhill, Johnson. J-Pow took it running away, but only in the last lap.

4. The weather rocked - in the 70's with sunny skies and sunburns. Yeah, really. The only downside, we had an earthquake.

Cupcake wanted to show everyone back in Michigan how cold it was here so they wouldn't hate us so much - either that or she was making fun of somebody wearing a ski hat and a long coat.

THE FLASH

There's nothing like a USGP or UCI race for checking out flash equipment and tent set ups. There were enough team tents set up that the place looked like a remake of  Ivanhoe.

Big tent, big team, big power house in cross. Stu Thorne and the boys know how to do it right.

Neat and tidy steeds ready to rock. Man that's a lot of carbon and glue sitting there.

The Rapha Focus team tent is more than a place for cool bikes and racers - it's a media center.

Under the Rapha Focus tent there's always some videography going on.

Myerson rides-by the Rapha Focus Media center to check on the can't stop won't stop shooting schedule to see when he's on next.

Another team making a great showing is the Raleigh Clement team. Ben Berden drove the pace from the gun in the elite race.

The Raleigh's are some nice looking bikes. Hmmmmm.

The Team Luna Tent. What's in there? Yeah you know what's in there. Pro Luna Bike Chicks™ (TMS trademark), that's what.

THE CRASH(es)

They had a sweet little First Aid Tent, but nobody made it there - the meat wagons got them first.

Another one bites the dust, and gets the ride in the wrong kind of broom wagon.

There were so many ambulances carting people away today I thought that it was Wednesday Night and I was back at Grattan. Adam's race had a bad one, and there was a flying, smashburger race in the 35+ race. Of all the races I saw the 35+ guys took the prize for the most crashes and dopey riding.

No heckling funny business here - this guy spent his days yelling for "Medics!" You though it was a remake of Private Ryan at the Table Top, or whatever that stupid thing was. One guy laid on the course for 3-laps in my race.

Ooops, that's going to leave a mark.

 I would have felt worse but this guy got so much air off off that little bump, and right in the middle of a full pack of about 50-racers that he was kinda asking for it - still I hope he's not hurt too bad. I think that he just had the wind knocked out of him. Keep it on the ground dude, it's not BMX, okay.

THE TRASH

USGP Day 1: Team Sandbag's Lead Attorney keeps an eye on the troops, and a strap on his beer. Unfortunately he should have kept an eye on his beer and a strap on his troops.

Trouble with a backpack full of Pabst. Team Sandbag's Spiritual leader starts to lead his flock astray right about here.

On course during the Elite Women's race. TSB walked a fine line between heckling and sexual harassment - and finally fell off it into the abyss.

Thankfully Cupcake stepped in, stood tall and put her foot down.

THE NASH (Contest)

Katrina Nash and an old man. 

I found out during the race that Katrina Nash was Osgood's favorite female racer and the object of his twisted and perverted PBR driven desires, so when I had a chance to get this photo, I thought it would about drive him over the edge. I'll bet he's got a basement, a pit, and a bucket of lotion (handmade.)

The way we were. Or weren't.

Yeah he was a little pissed about the Nash photo, but then got jealous and wanted to know why we didn't have a photo taken that day. Yeah, we're thinking of making this into a tattoo. Think that will be painful at all? Or just distasteful? John thought that I should put both photos up and let the 5-readers of this blog decide which was a more appealing and sexy photo - Nash and me, or John and me. I took a poll, but you can add your vote in the comment box and see if you can swing the vote.

Katrina Photo: Yes 1,233,400,756,567

Osgood Photo: -5 (comment: ... made me throw-up in my mouth, it's just wrong guys.)

Probably won't get a chance to post Derby Cup Day 2 until late Sunday night, or Monday - stayed tuned, or look for a better report elsewhere. I'm sure there will be one somewhere.