DERBY CUP DAY 1: THE FLASH, THE CRASH, THE TRASH AND THE NASH

Suicidal Cat 2-3's as far as the eye can see. Adam McIntyre is in there. Can you spot him? It's like finding Waldo.

Women's elites flying down the flyover. KfC was there about 5 minutes earlier.

Sand pit number one was approximately 18-miles long. Well it felt like it anyway.

A tough, but fun day at the Derby Cup USGP race here in Louisville. There was a lot going on here today so before we get into the Crashes, Trashes and the voting on Nash, here's a brief overview of what went down here today.

1. Michigan Racers kicked ass - Jeff Weinert took first in the 45+ and Mark Woloweic a first in the 55+. Great stuff! Adam McIntyre survived a hairy crash-o-rama 2-3 race to move from a 120th start spot to 55 - awesome ride.  Cupcake had another great ride and Osgood and JB were up in the top ten in the single speed class. Das German had a good race in the elites, dropping a tough looking Adam Myerson about half-way home. Well done everybody. Me, I sucked so bad I can't even make fun of it anymore.

Katie Compton was so fast this was as close I could get to a photo - nice pink tire though.

2. The women's elite race was a runaway by KfC, but also included a great ride by Katrina Nash, an awesome comeback for a podium step by Georgia Gould, and some wonderful riding by Brit Helen Wyman.

3. Highly competitive elite men's race with a battle between J-Pow, Trebon, Berden, Summerhill, Johnson. J-Pow took it running away, but only in the last lap.

4. The weather rocked - in the 70's with sunny skies and sunburns. Yeah, really. The only downside, we had an earthquake.

Cupcake wanted to show everyone back in Michigan how cold it was here so they wouldn't hate us so much - either that or she was making fun of somebody wearing a ski hat and a long coat.

THE FLASH

There's nothing like a USGP or UCI race for checking out flash equipment and tent set ups. There were enough team tents set up that the place looked like a remake of  Ivanhoe.

Big tent, big team, big power house in cross. Stu Thorne and the boys know how to do it right.

Neat and tidy steeds ready to rock. Man that's a lot of carbon and glue sitting there.

The Rapha Focus team tent is more than a place for cool bikes and racers - it's a media center.

Under the Rapha Focus tent there's always some videography going on.

Myerson rides-by the Rapha Focus Media center to check on the can't stop won't stop shooting schedule to see when he's on next.

Another team making a great showing is the Raleigh Clement team. Ben Berden drove the pace from the gun in the elite race.

The Raleigh's are some nice looking bikes. Hmmmmm.

The Team Luna Tent. What's in there? Yeah you know what's in there. Pro Luna Bike Chicks™ (TMS trademark), that's what.

THE CRASH(es)

They had a sweet little First Aid Tent, but nobody made it there - the meat wagons got them first.

Another one bites the dust, and gets the ride in the wrong kind of broom wagon.

There were so many ambulances carting people away today I thought that it was Wednesday Night and I was back at Grattan. Adam's race had a bad one, and there was a flying, smashburger race in the 35+ race. Of all the races I saw the 35+ guys took the prize for the most crashes and dopey riding.

No heckling funny business here - this guy spent his days yelling for "Medics!" You though it was a remake of Private Ryan at the Table Top, or whatever that stupid thing was. One guy laid on the course for 3-laps in my race.

Ooops, that's going to leave a mark.

 I would have felt worse but this guy got so much air off off that little bump, and right in the middle of a full pack of about 50-racers that he was kinda asking for it - still I hope he's not hurt too bad. I think that he just had the wind knocked out of him. Keep it on the ground dude, it's not BMX, okay.

THE TRASH

USGP Day 1: Team Sandbag's Lead Attorney keeps an eye on the troops, and a strap on his beer. Unfortunately he should have kept an eye on his beer and a strap on his troops.

Trouble with a backpack full of Pabst. Team Sandbag's Spiritual leader starts to lead his flock astray right about here.

On course during the Elite Women's race. TSB walked a fine line between heckling and sexual harassment - and finally fell off it into the abyss.

Thankfully Cupcake stepped in, stood tall and put her foot down.

THE NASH (Contest)

Katrina Nash and an old man. 

I found out during the race that Katrina Nash was Osgood's favorite female racer and the object of his twisted and perverted PBR driven desires, so when I had a chance to get this photo, I thought it would about drive him over the edge. I'll bet he's got a basement, a pit, and a bucket of lotion (handmade.)

The way we were. Or weren't.

Yeah he was a little pissed about the Nash photo, but then got jealous and wanted to know why we didn't have a photo taken that day. Yeah, we're thinking of making this into a tattoo. Think that will be painful at all? Or just distasteful? John thought that I should put both photos up and let the 5-readers of this blog decide which was a more appealing and sexy photo - Nash and me, or John and me. I took a poll, but you can add your vote in the comment box and see if you can swing the vote.

Katrina Photo: Yes 1,233,400,756,567

Osgood Photo: -5 (comment: ... made me throw-up in my mouth, it's just wrong guys.)

Probably won't get a chance to post Derby Cup Day 2 until late Sunday night, or Monday - stayed tuned, or look for a better report elsewhere. I'm sure there will be one somewhere.

DERBY CUP GOOD MORNING! COURSE PREVIEW VIDEO

Got my kit on and ready to roll. Instead of warming up on the training I'm just watching the course preview video, from yesterday, over and over again. Take a look and see what's up. By the time I rode this yesterday the course was pretty-nearly bannered all the way around.

LET'S ALL GO TO LOOEVILLE FOR THE USGP DERBY CUP

It's been a few years since I've raced the Derby Cup in Louisville Kentucky, but I still have my favorite Kentucky cyclocross racing kit. The embro and chamois butter that go with contain some special, secret sauce - hand made. Thanks Cupcake!

Michigan must be empty because everybody that I know that owns a bike is here. And it's just Friday night! Big Mac, Cupcake, Nancy Lange, JGood, Team Sand Bag, Mark W, JB and the usual suspects. It's not just the great cyclocross scene that brings them here, it's also the horse racing, Churchill Downs, Bourbon, fine tobacco products, Muhammed Ali Museum, Louisville Slugger Factory, The Colonel, epidemic heroin addiction, terrible drivers and great historical sites.

One of my favorite sites in Looeville is the Alamo. 

I really learned to love the Alamo for the great part it had in Pee Wee's Big Adventure. I think that's why the bike scene is so cool here. Remember the Alamo? Pee Wee did ... watch, and remember.

Wrenching in the parking lot of the BP Gas Station.

While the first thing I saw after 6.5 hours on the road when I hit Lullyville was the Alamo, the second thing were cyclocross teams working in the parking lot of the gas station and the motel where everyone from Michigan is now living ... except for a few at the Galt House Downtown. These people were from somewhere called Wisconsin or Minnesota, and there were lots of them. Look like the entire Upper Cold-Ass Midwest is empty right now.

The first thing I saw at the Eva Bandwith Park was Zinn's discarded bike.

Imagine my surprise when I saw Velonews columnist and all-round bike and long crank know-it-all Leonard "Nimoy" Zinn. He just left his bike laying around the WD40 tent like it was free for the taking - or was it? He apparently doesn't need a lock for his bike because it's so big nobody could ride it away to steal it unless they wore stilts.

After checking in at the motel the next thing to do was ride to the course for some practice - while they built the course around you. I was passed by KfC right about there. I was riding full tilt and she was on a trainer.

I don't know if pre-riding was such a good idea as some of the features of the Eva Bandsaw course really scare the shit out of me. While I can white-knuckle my way okay through most of the treacherous shit out there, the thought of blasting through it at race-pace along with a bunch of idiots, and while bonked the hell out in the last lap was not encouraging. I should have just headed straight to the bar - like the rest of the idiots from Michigan.

JGood and the rest of the Usual Suspects, all dark an suspicious looking at the "Social Club."

Number pick up was at a downtown bar that was called something like the "Sporting Social Club" which I think is western cowboy code for "whorehouse," though I have never heard of a whorehouse with a bowling alley and a bunch of skinny bike riding dorks milling around inside. Along with the good Michigan folk the place was also packed with all sort of stars from the cyclocross scene from J-Pow to Katie F*ing Compton, Adam Myerson, the Girl with the Cowbell Tattoo,  Anthony skkkkisisisisisisissdvvss up! Clark, Georgia Gould and a lot of other real small and skinny people. I didn't Ryan Trebon there, but saw him early on the course. They probably don't let him come to these things because he's so tall and they're all so short, like a bunch of jockeys, it probably makes them feel bad so he has to eat alone in his hotel room.

It's not that Ryan's so tall - it's just that everyone else is just sooooooo small. He, Zinn and Wicks should have their own club.

I'm fascinated by number pick up line lately. Wuzup wit dat?

I was the very first to pick up a number tonight - which is the last thing I'm going to be anywhere near first at this weekend.

While you're supposed to pin these on your skin suit, I think they'd make great coasters!

Final stop before sacking out - the Old Spaghetti Factory for some Old Spaghetti! 

The town is full of pro bikers. Sat down in the upstairs bar of the OSF for a quick bowl of Angel Hair and was seated next to Jake Wells and another guy that I think is either his mechanic or his burly spiritual advisor. After that I headed home to pin beer soaked numbers to my suit. I'll smell sooooo goooooood at the start line people will think they're racing against JGood. If I don't break my neck on that downhill tomorrow I'll try to kick out another race report tomorrow.