Gravel Road Riding: AUGUST IS THE NEW SEPTEMBER

Last Thursday's ride was a good one with: New Guy Dave, Jeff F, Jerry, Dave S, Don G, Kim T, Scott W, and the Shadow rolling up about 33 miles of dirt road goodness.

Last week's riding was sweet. The roads were good and fast, there were some nice intervals but not a hammer fast, the riding was safe, no big gaps, no half-wheeling, nobody got dropped. It was good times as Gunter Vogler says. The Crazy Bastard rides have been up and rolling for well over a month now, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, far earlier than I've ever seen before, which leads me to believe that August is the new September.

Since the Crazy Bastard rides have launched so early this year people ask me, "hey dummy, don't you usually do these these stupid rides in the fall?" My answer goes something like this ... "there are a number of reasons for people switching over to gravel riding so early, and if you didn't Google the reasons why, here are mine ... dumbass."

Road Racing hurts. If you don't believe me watch this video above and tell me if you haven't seen this before. Yeah crits and road races can be dangerous, especially if you or the person you're racing again doesn't know what the f&@k they're doing. I love road racing, but frankly I'm getting too old to get busted up that bad and do all that nasty rehab shit. The sound of popping tires, snapping carbon and the accompanying screams are starting to get to me. I'm just getting old ...

Anybody that thinks Mountain Biking is any safer needs to just look out for that next tree around one of the million-and-half redundant turns featured on our local trails. I have color photographs for future publication of Shawn Davison and Jeff "Slayer" Haney that prove that the human rib is not mightier than the tree.

Riding on the road is also getting pretty damn dangerous. Well it was anyway. I believe this is Katie Hamel's wheel after she was run down by a hit and run driver on her way to the Monday Night Time Trial ...

The driver also adjusted Katie's seat, unless that's one of those new Specialized seats that "moves" with you as you pedal ...

Oh yeah, the car is mightier than the carbon bicycle ... that's also a nice derailleur adjustment.

A driver also made some modifications to Steve Bartzen's bike this summer while riding on the road. I believe that was a mountain bike, but I'm not sure, but if it is he should have been out trying to dodge trees with it, not cars. I also notice the shadow is there taking photos again.

So it's my assumption that people like these people above, milling around and fussing with their Garmens and Stravas, are switching from the road, and maybe even the trail (hey you can't ride when it's wet can you?!) for the relative safety of gravel roads where the traffic is lighter and slower and there aren't any trees in the road to hit. Okay Craig hit a tree. And there are deer. And those nasty Sand Hill Cranes that can peck your eyes out. And Swans that will bite you. And Killer Chihauhaus (I wish) and about a billion dumb bunnies that don't do anything dangerous ... oh yeah and the chicken that almost took Craig down ...

Since we are cyclists we can't let anything appear to be too easy or safe so we add some hardman drama to the dirt road riding scene to make it seem like we are living on the edge of crashing or puking our guts out from over the top efforts, like the rest of the cycling world does everyday. A good example is the whole Belgian-The F*ck up brand that's pretty much focused on cross, dirt road riding, and Classics wanna-bees. It tells the world that even though you're scared of road racing, riding on the road, and your ribcage has an allergy to pine trees, you're still a tough guy or gal. So Belgy the F*ck up, okay?

If you don't believe me that we're infected with the Belgian The F*ck Up theme all you had to do was look around the parking lot before the ride last Thursday .. or any other day there's a ride.

Solid yellow not tough enough and make you look chicken? Then add a bit of some baby blue to your Manly Belgy kit like Big Mac does.

Carlos Danger lives the life of danger. Why not me?

I refuse to pretend the life of danger with Belgy socks or kit. I have a whole new game. To make sure that I am safe, yet appearing to live the life of "danger" on tonight's ride I'm going to ride this sturdy bike and Kevlar suit - yet I am going to change my name from Surly Bastard to "CARLOS DANGER" just ot make myself look way-badass. What do you think? Maybe I'll lose the lapel pin though, don't want stick myself - but I'll be at Townsend tonight for a roll-out at 6:30.

DERBY CUP DAY 1: THE FLASH, THE CRASH, THE TRASH AND THE NASH

Suicidal Cat 2-3's as far as the eye can see. Adam McIntyre is in there. Can you spot him? It's like finding Waldo.

Women's elites flying down the flyover. KfC was there about 5 minutes earlier.

Sand pit number one was approximately 18-miles long. Well it felt like it anyway.

A tough, but fun day at the Derby Cup USGP race here in Louisville. There was a lot going on here today so before we get into the Crashes, Trashes and the voting on Nash, here's a brief overview of what went down here today.

1. Michigan Racers kicked ass - Jeff Weinert took first in the 45+ and Mark Woloweic a first in the 55+. Great stuff! Adam McIntyre survived a hairy crash-o-rama 2-3 race to move from a 120th start spot to 55 - awesome ride.  Cupcake had another great ride and Osgood and JB were up in the top ten in the single speed class. Das German had a good race in the elites, dropping a tough looking Adam Myerson about half-way home. Well done everybody. Me, I sucked so bad I can't even make fun of it anymore.

Katie Compton was so fast this was as close I could get to a photo - nice pink tire though.

2. The women's elite race was a runaway by KfC, but also included a great ride by Katrina Nash, an awesome comeback for a podium step by Georgia Gould, and some wonderful riding by Brit Helen Wyman.

3. Highly competitive elite men's race with a battle between J-Pow, Trebon, Berden, Summerhill, Johnson. J-Pow took it running away, but only in the last lap.

4. The weather rocked - in the 70's with sunny skies and sunburns. Yeah, really. The only downside, we had an earthquake.

Cupcake wanted to show everyone back in Michigan how cold it was here so they wouldn't hate us so much - either that or she was making fun of somebody wearing a ski hat and a long coat.

THE FLASH

There's nothing like a USGP or UCI race for checking out flash equipment and tent set ups. There were enough team tents set up that the place looked like a remake of  Ivanhoe.

Big tent, big team, big power house in cross. Stu Thorne and the boys know how to do it right.

Neat and tidy steeds ready to rock. Man that's a lot of carbon and glue sitting there.

The Rapha Focus team tent is more than a place for cool bikes and racers - it's a media center.

Under the Rapha Focus tent there's always some videography going on.

Myerson rides-by the Rapha Focus Media center to check on the can't stop won't stop shooting schedule to see when he's on next.

Another team making a great showing is the Raleigh Clement team. Ben Berden drove the pace from the gun in the elite race.

The Raleigh's are some nice looking bikes. Hmmmmm.

The Team Luna Tent. What's in there? Yeah you know what's in there. Pro Luna Bike Chicks™ (TMS trademark), that's what.

THE CRASH(es)

They had a sweet little First Aid Tent, but nobody made it there - the meat wagons got them first.

Another one bites the dust, and gets the ride in the wrong kind of broom wagon.

There were so many ambulances carting people away today I thought that it was Wednesday Night and I was back at Grattan. Adam's race had a bad one, and there was a flying, smashburger race in the 35+ race. Of all the races I saw the 35+ guys took the prize for the most crashes and dopey riding.

No heckling funny business here - this guy spent his days yelling for "Medics!" You though it was a remake of Private Ryan at the Table Top, or whatever that stupid thing was. One guy laid on the course for 3-laps in my race.

Ooops, that's going to leave a mark.

 I would have felt worse but this guy got so much air off off that little bump, and right in the middle of a full pack of about 50-racers that he was kinda asking for it - still I hope he's not hurt too bad. I think that he just had the wind knocked out of him. Keep it on the ground dude, it's not BMX, okay.

THE TRASH

USGP Day 1: Team Sandbag's Lead Attorney keeps an eye on the troops, and a strap on his beer. Unfortunately he should have kept an eye on his beer and a strap on his troops.

Trouble with a backpack full of Pabst. Team Sandbag's Spiritual leader starts to lead his flock astray right about here.

On course during the Elite Women's race. TSB walked a fine line between heckling and sexual harassment - and finally fell off it into the abyss.

Thankfully Cupcake stepped in, stood tall and put her foot down.

THE NASH (Contest)

Katrina Nash and an old man. 

I found out during the race that Katrina Nash was Osgood's favorite female racer and the object of his twisted and perverted PBR driven desires, so when I had a chance to get this photo, I thought it would about drive him over the edge. I'll bet he's got a basement, a pit, and a bucket of lotion (handmade.)

The way we were. Or weren't.

Yeah he was a little pissed about the Nash photo, but then got jealous and wanted to know why we didn't have a photo taken that day. Yeah, we're thinking of making this into a tattoo. Think that will be painful at all? Or just distasteful? John thought that I should put both photos up and let the 5-readers of this blog decide which was a more appealing and sexy photo - Nash and me, or John and me. I took a poll, but you can add your vote in the comment box and see if you can swing the vote.

Katrina Photo: Yes 1,233,400,756,567

Osgood Photo: -5 (comment: ... made me throw-up in my mouth, it's just wrong guys.)

Probably won't get a chance to post Derby Cup Day 2 until late Sunday night, or Monday - stayed tuned, or look for a better report elsewhere. I'm sure there will be one somewhere.