LOVING BRUTAL RIDES, HERE'S MUD IN YOUR TEETH, AND CROSS BIKES FOR SALE!

Who got the worst of the mud, and collected most of it on Tuesday? Maybe Scott, who is wearing a lot of mud. Strange, since he pulled most of the 35-miles. I should pay him for at least half of his rear wheel since I was sitting on it for almost the entire ride.

Big Mac also got a facial. Looks like most of it was in the eyes. Yeah, always wear protective eye wear. Chances are there won't be any of this tonight. Even Big Mac's motor was hurting. Fast ride, mud, lots of go in everybody legs, but no air to breathe. Reports of big gravel were highly exaggerated, roads were pretty smooth and the gravel dump from 3-weeks ago is just about all absorbed. Adam says it was one of the fastest, recent rides (as recorded on one of his many electronic devices). But then he did have mud in his eyes ...

Kim Lee looks pretty clean. Here he's showing us the dirt in his teeth, as if you could see the dirt between his teeth. Or maybe he's doing an ad for tooth whitener with cyclist EPO-PED? "PEDOMINT: It makes you faster while it makes your teeth whiter! Only from the Laboratories of Kim Lee." Kim loved the ride, and spent the night going between "Man this is so painful, but I love it so much. What a ride!" Time for some professional help, Kim. Oh, you are a professional.

After the ride I was wearing a semi-permanent "man-jaggins" around. Nice look!

This is what the bottom of my bike was wearing. That's just dried rivulets of mud - the bike, thankfully is internally cabled. Note the kink in the muddy-buddy chain.

JUST IN TIME FOR CROSS SEASON:

REDLINE 54 CROSS BIKE FOR SALE!

Redline Conquest Pro 2008 

Bought this frame and fork in 2009 and used this bike as a training bike and pit bike. It has a few wear marks and paint chips, but no dents and is in good shape. I have rebuilt it with a lot of new parts, as well as good used parts that were waiting to be used again. It's ready to roll for only $500! The perfect gravel grinder or race bike. I also have a use Trek 54 Cyclocross bike that's set up as a SS, but can be converted to gears.

NEW: SRAM Cassette, Chain and Sora 9-Speed Derailleur. NEW cable and housing.

NEW Sora Shifters, USED Ritchie Bar, USED Origin 8 Brake set with KOOL Stop Brake pads. Great braking!

Frame: Redline Conquest Pro Alloy, size 54.

Fork: Matching fork with carbon legs and alloy steer tube - cut, but plenty of height left.

Shifters: Shimano 9-Speed Sora NEW - no thumb shifters, shifts like all current Shimano systems. Has shift indicators, just in case you don't know what gear you're in.

Rear Derailleur: NEW Sora 9 Speed

Chain: NEW SRAM 9-speed chain

Cassette: NEW SRAM 12-27 cassette, perfect for cross.

Cables: Brake and Shifter cables and housing - all NEW

Pedal: No pedals

Crank: Truvative Carbon arms, alloy spider, outboard cups. USED

Chain rings: USED FSA 46-38

Front Derailleur: USED 

Wheels: NEW Weinman. Black rims, red alloy nipples

Tires: USED Specialized Houfilize

Bar: Ritchie Comp 42

Stem: Options to fit

Seat post: Ritchie Comp

Saddle: WTB

Brakes: Origin 8 Euro Style wide arms - new KOOL Stop pads in rear, lightly worn fronts

Bar Tape: Will wrap with your color of choice - black?

Gravel Road Riding: AUGUST IS THE NEW SEPTEMBER

Last Thursday's ride was a good one with: New Guy Dave, Jeff F, Jerry, Dave S, Don G, Kim T, Scott W, and the Shadow rolling up about 33 miles of dirt road goodness.

Last week's riding was sweet. The roads were good and fast, there were some nice intervals but not a hammer fast, the riding was safe, no big gaps, no half-wheeling, nobody got dropped. It was good times as Gunter Vogler says. The Crazy Bastard rides have been up and rolling for well over a month now, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, far earlier than I've ever seen before, which leads me to believe that August is the new September.

Since the Crazy Bastard rides have launched so early this year people ask me, "hey dummy, don't you usually do these these stupid rides in the fall?" My answer goes something like this ... "there are a number of reasons for people switching over to gravel riding so early, and if you didn't Google the reasons why, here are mine ... dumbass."

Road Racing hurts. If you don't believe me watch this video above and tell me if you haven't seen this before. Yeah crits and road races can be dangerous, especially if you or the person you're racing again doesn't know what the f&@k they're doing. I love road racing, but frankly I'm getting too old to get busted up that bad and do all that nasty rehab shit. The sound of popping tires, snapping carbon and the accompanying screams are starting to get to me. I'm just getting old ...

Anybody that thinks Mountain Biking is any safer needs to just look out for that next tree around one of the million-and-half redundant turns featured on our local trails. I have color photographs for future publication of Shawn Davison and Jeff "Slayer" Haney that prove that the human rib is not mightier than the tree.

Riding on the road is also getting pretty damn dangerous. Well it was anyway. I believe this is Katie Hamel's wheel after she was run down by a hit and run driver on her way to the Monday Night Time Trial ...

The driver also adjusted Katie's seat, unless that's one of those new Specialized seats that "moves" with you as you pedal ...

Oh yeah, the car is mightier than the carbon bicycle ... that's also a nice derailleur adjustment.

A driver also made some modifications to Steve Bartzen's bike this summer while riding on the road. I believe that was a mountain bike, but I'm not sure, but if it is he should have been out trying to dodge trees with it, not cars. I also notice the shadow is there taking photos again.

So it's my assumption that people like these people above, milling around and fussing with their Garmens and Stravas, are switching from the road, and maybe even the trail (hey you can't ride when it's wet can you?!) for the relative safety of gravel roads where the traffic is lighter and slower and there aren't any trees in the road to hit. Okay Craig hit a tree. And there are deer. And those nasty Sand Hill Cranes that can peck your eyes out. And Swans that will bite you. And Killer Chihauhaus (I wish) and about a billion dumb bunnies that don't do anything dangerous ... oh yeah and the chicken that almost took Craig down ...

Since we are cyclists we can't let anything appear to be too easy or safe so we add some hardman drama to the dirt road riding scene to make it seem like we are living on the edge of crashing or puking our guts out from over the top efforts, like the rest of the cycling world does everyday. A good example is the whole Belgian-The F*ck up brand that's pretty much focused on cross, dirt road riding, and Classics wanna-bees. It tells the world that even though you're scared of road racing, riding on the road, and your ribcage has an allergy to pine trees, you're still a tough guy or gal. So Belgy the F*ck up, okay?

If you don't believe me that we're infected with the Belgian The F*ck Up theme all you had to do was look around the parking lot before the ride last Thursday .. or any other day there's a ride.

Solid yellow not tough enough and make you look chicken? Then add a bit of some baby blue to your Manly Belgy kit like Big Mac does.

Carlos Danger lives the life of danger. Why not me?

I refuse to pretend the life of danger with Belgy socks or kit. I have a whole new game. To make sure that I am safe, yet appearing to live the life of "danger" on tonight's ride I'm going to ride this sturdy bike and Kevlar suit - yet I am going to change my name from Surly Bastard to "CARLOS DANGER" just ot make myself look way-badass. What do you think? Maybe I'll lose the lapel pin though, don't want stick myself - but I'll be at Townsend tonight for a roll-out at 6:30.

HEAT WAVE GRAVEL GRINDING DROWNING BEERS

The Townsend Park Cooling Station. The only way to beat the l,000˚ F heat last night was with tree-lined roads and a bike that generates it's own air-conditioning. It was still pretty damn hot.

With the trees this is what it looked like - in fact this was somewhere along Ashley and 7-mile (though I don't think her name is Ashley). And yes, no it never happened.

So it's hot. Don't tell me about the heat, I don't want to hear it anymore, okay? I don't care. And neither did a few Crazy Bastards who put in a few nice gravel grinding miles last night (Scott Walburn, Jeff Festian, Lee Boughner and myself) . It's been two-weeks now and the rides have been rolling around pretty steadily on Tuesday and Thursday at 6:30 for around 30-miles a pop.

Tuesday I got my motor pacing work on the wheel of Big Mac. Last night it was this horse pulling us along - Scott Walburn. Scott has killed more varmints on dirt roads with that front wheel and has ridden more pretenders off that rear wheel than you've had Margarita's with Beers stuffed in them at the Score after a ride. If you don't know what I mean, it's this thing ... yeah, what the hell is this, anyway? Something they serve at the Score, or as Flying Bats calls it, THE ZONE.

If this looks good to you for anything more than icing down a bruise, well you may have some issues with alcohol, appropriate glassware use and putting contaminates in your beverages.

Another Crazy Bastard Original out to beat the heat and grind the gravel last night - Jeff Festian, aka Werdy Bastard, only in 1000˚ F heat last night nobody was that chatty.

Like everyone, Jeff's bike was loaded with drinks. An essential additive for like, uh, not dying. Lee was rocking a MTB ... one of those things with big fat wheels.

This rolled a little over 28 miles last night. Considering the pace and effort of staying on Scott's wheel, that was enough for me.

On the front end my other tire wasn't quite up to making the ride without taking a piss. It went flat about 4-miles from the finish. Too hot and lazy to change the tube I just gassed it up with CO2s to keep it rolling. Thankfully the tire gave its last gasp at the Grandpa Van - and thanks to Lee for helping me limp home after the other guys thought that a flat tire was a good time to throw in one last 1000˚, no PSI in my tire attack. (Hmmm, first time I've rolled this ride without tubular tires this year - maybe the last.)

Toweling off and considering the options for hydration and carbloading after the ride. I can't tell whether Jeff is doing a Roman Emperor thing or Japanese Bath thing. Of course I took this photo while wearing a kilt, wooden shoes and a white wig. After a little toweling off we decided to go to THE ZONE for refreshments and some air conditioning. 

While the drinks and food at THE ZONE were awesome, the waitress sucked. I mean sucked. Well I think you know what I mean. Nice ride. See you on the other side of the Heat Wave on Tuesday, same place, same Crazy Bastard Time. Roads are in great shape, no traffic, and great guys to ride with - right now. How long is it to Ice Man? I'll ask the waitress at THE ZONE, I'm sure she'll know.

END OF THE ROAD: IS IT REALLY TIME FOR CROSS?

Are the dirt roads calling your name yet? They're calling mine. I'm planning on a ride this evening out of Townsend with a few Bastards. If you like to join us get a hold of me via that FaceBook thing. I'll post up times later today, so look if you're interested.

I really enjoyed the TdF this year. Especially this part. And I really was glad that this guy won. I truly dig his riding style, and his music.

Wiggo played a mean TT and guitar. I'll bet Frommie and Nibbleme really enjoyed his "The Kids Are Alright" number. Strangely Wiggo's other name is the same as the Park I'll be launching from tonight. Never thought of that before ...

So it's time to haul out the Belgy crap, banners, flags, beer and glue and get ready for the oncoming cross season. Indeed it's getting close to time to say goodbye to this:

And this:

And hello to this:

And shit like this ...

In case you forgot what it is to be a 'crossaniac, here's a crash course on everything you need to know and say. Of course you'll need to learn Dutch and whatever it is real cyclocrosser speak. If you'd like to see an American Version of SHIT CYCLOCROSSERS SAY CLICK ANY OF THIS.

If you're starting to plan your race schedule this fall here are just a few of the hotspots and races to see and be seen with your 'cross on.

Dates are up for this year for all the cross series in Michigan. One of our favorite, and one of the first on the schedule is the Ithaca Grand Prix of Cyclocross. It's Saturday September 8th, 2012. Registration is now open. Part of the SOA series, if you don't make this one, well you're actually nobody ...

There are also a couple of races very close, as part of the SOA series in Lansing. They are working on the course right now to get it in top shape for the season. Let me know if you want to go ride the course or help the promoters prep it. Visit the Stomach of Anger site for more details. (We'll put up the link later). Remember this series also includes the Mad Anthony race, another great one.

The Tailwind Series is up. New venues and dates provide some opportunities to travel an explore other races, cities and venues this year. Check out the full schedule right here. For those that like it simple, and straightforward, KissCross also has their schedule online.

Adam Myerson his ownself will be appearing at VeloCity in Holland this Friday, I believe. Check with MC Hammer at VC for details. He's not this serious, ever, but nice photo anyway Adam.

More cross news, I hear that Adam Myerson will be coming to Velo City this weekend, Friday I believe. Adam's always a good time. Asking him if there's any "crying" in cyclocross and see what he says - you can watch him shed a few right here.

Finally I leave you with this ... something to hum wherever you ride tonight. I'm sure Wiggo will appreciate the thought.