Sunday, October 6, 2013

Vomit Colored Kits, The Many Faces of Kelly Patterson, and Dave Massey Gives Himself A Selfie

I'm way behind on posts - just getting to Waterford Day Two, before moving on to Chicago. From what I hear, though, I will probably drown at Lower Huron tomorrow, so this could be it. Good luck! Bring your floaty! 


Yeah there's some color-cordination malpractice going on here. Mix in the Tron-style paint job on the bike and you've got a bile-o-thon combo on wheels. Nice job Mike Seaman! In the Vomit-Colored Kit Kategory, you are number one in our twisted coloring book.

Number two, in the Waterford Day-2 Puke colored kits kolumn was Adam McIntrye. Pink goes with ... well, pink and that's about it,big boy.


While some people have split or multiple personalities, like several members of my family, Kelly Patterson has many faces. All of them crazy if you ask me. While I tried to ask her a few simple questions about her win on Day-2, she just made fun of me by making goofy faces. I've tried to interpret the meaning of theses faces. Let me know if I'm close.

"Yes I'm happy with my win today. I'll bet you wish you were me. Want me to tell you about my awesome sponsors?"

"I was just thinking of a heckle that would be awesome for you. If I ever saw you race. Of course never get up that early in the morning."

"Ooooooooh really? So a Nigerian Prince is holding my winnings from today? Can I borrow your Smart Phone and call him?"


Dave Massey on the podium of the Cat-3 45+ Race. He was one of the first racers he interviewed. The following is a transcript of that interview.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: So, how was your race, Dave? You looked awesome out there today.

DAVE RACER: Awesome? Did you even watch what I did out there? Or were you too busy twerkin' your Mr. Microphone to take notes? I was F#$%in' super-ass wicked, my man, and by my man I mean me.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: That's great Dave, but watch the language huh, there are a lot of kids out here today ...

DAVE RACER: Better they hear it from somebody kick-ass like me instead of that guy that's been lurkin' around the van all day in the smelly skinsuit ... it's time to grow up, glue on the tubulars and get to work boys and girls. Awesomeness waits for no man ...

DAVE ANNOUNCER: So back to the race, when did you make your move? When did you decide it was 'GO-TIME'?

DAVE RACER: It was GO-TIME from the gun, good-lookin. Those guys took one look at my rig with the twin-towers of hydraulic hood awesomeness sitting on my bars, got a load of my groovin' retro side-burns and they were peein' in their bibs before we twisted a crank arm in anger. It was over before it started.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: Nice. Well, great race Dave. Thanks for showing up, and thanks for your time.

DAVE RACER: Think nothing of it. My time is your time. I mean literally, my time is your time.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: Sure thing. See you later, Dave.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: Like lookin' in the mirror handsome, like lookin' in the mirror ....

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