Showing posts with label Kelly Patterson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kelly Patterson. Show all posts

Friday, November 1, 2013

RAIN ON THE ICE MAN PARADE - PLUS NEW TEAM KITS ON THE WAY!



Could this be what tomorrow's ICE MAN looks like because of torrential rains? Lets hope so.


Last year nearly wrote a book on the ICE MAN. This year I'm all out of letters. Used them all last year, and yes that's a picture of me on the cover. I'm wearing a wig and a mask of course.

Well, I won't be making it to this year's ICE MAN to offer semi-live reports, semi-live from the hotel. From the sounds of it, it could be a pretty soggy affair, which would probably play havoc with my plastic toy tent and all the electronic equipment I need to keep my semi-live feeds going. So best of luck everyone, I'm out, though I'd dearly love to hear the sound of 8,000 disc brakes scratching their way through a cedar swamp, but it looks like I'm out.


This is how we imagine our imaginary ICE MAN racer would look like before she got a few sprinkles on her ...  and before it started to rain on her parade.


For those of you participating in tomorrow's ICE MAN here's a song for you (above), sung by long-time ICE MAN Champion, Barbara Streisand, who actually invented the ICE MAN. Bet you didn't know that! So hum a tune, and maybe the rain will hold off. Maybe it won't. No matter what, don't let a few sprinkles ruin your ICE MAN EXPERIENCE™.

NEW LOOKS AND TEAM KITS AND SKIN SUITS FOR THE SECOND PART OF THE CYCLOCROSS SEASON!


Rebecca Wissman rocks the Tailwind Leopard print for her team every weekend. Looks like her kit is getting an upgrade in the near future ...


The new direction for Team Tailwind is for more Leopard spots, everywhere, plus Leopard flocking on the helmet. 

The shot above is by our Belgium correspondent, Willem Beerland. A nice shot from Ruddervooorde, somewhere, we guess, in Belgium, last weekend. This young Japanese lady rocked a bedazzled helmet last year which we think inspired Sarah McIntyre's be-jeweled lid this year.


She's smiling because she has diamonds on her lid ... go-fast diamonds that is ...

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE IN NEW KIT NEWS!


You don't say? Yeah, you didn't say, did you ...

While I may have missed publishing the press release about the addition of Adam York and Tom Burke to the Wolverine Cycling Team / Wolverine Sports Club at the beginning of the season, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to leak news, that may or may not be true, about the team's new skin suits, coming soon to a cyclocross race near you ... 


Wolverine Team Management had quite a battle on their hands in coming up with a new design that everybody could get on board with. I think one of those guys above is Matt Baroli, in the bad hair-piece, getting all choked up about the possible new look for the team.


The driving force behind the change is thought to be Wolverine's Kelly Paterson. A long-time Trekky, she thought the new look would brighten-up her race-chops - and make everybody crazy. She was right on one point. 


Here's Kelly Paterson's idea of the perfect cyclocross skin suit. Can't say we disagree Kelly!


Das German in Wolverine standard kit - doing what the Wolverine's have been doing a lot of all season long.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the management didn't agree to the slick silver look and decided to stay with the same, tried and true Wolverine design.



While some members of the team might have looked great in this kit, you have to wonder how it would have looked on Adam York. Hmmmm ...


Well it wouldn't be the first time the York had been in a silver-grey skinsuit. This was a nice look by the way - as long as you didn't get too close and got a look at what was under it ...

After some deliberation, it was decided that Paterson could have her own "special" kit for a few races - just to be different. Look for this on a podium near you, soon.


Shouldn't that say "Wolverine," and be red, white and black?

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Vomit Colored Kits, The Many Faces of Kelly Patterson, and Dave Massey Gives Himself A Selfie

I'm way behind on posts - just getting to Waterford Day Two, before moving on to Chicago. From what I hear, though, I will probably drown at Lower Huron tomorrow, so this could be it. Good luck! Bring your floaty! 

VOMIT COLORED KIT PARADE AT WATERFORD



Yeah there's some color-cordination malpractice going on here. Mix in the Tron-style paint job on the bike and you've got a bile-o-thon combo on wheels. Nice job Mike Seaman! In the Vomit-Colored Kit Kategory, you are number one in our twisted coloring book.


Number two, in the Waterford Day-2 Puke colored kits kolumn was Adam McIntrye. Pink goes with ... well, pink and that's about it,big boy.

THE MANY FACES OF KELLY PATTERSON

While some people have split or multiple personalities, like several members of my family, Kelly Patterson has many faces. All of them crazy if you ask me. While I tried to ask her a few simple questions about her win on Day-2, she just made fun of me by making goofy faces. I've tried to interpret the meaning of theses faces. Let me know if I'm close.



"Yes I'm happy with my win today. I'll bet you wish you were me. Want me to tell you about my awesome sponsors?"


"I was just thinking of a heckle that would be awesome for you. If I ever saw you race. Of course never get up that early in the morning."


"Ooooooooh really? So a Nigerian Prince is holding my winnings from today? Can I borrow your Smart Phone and call him?"

IN OTHER NEWS DAVE MASSEY GIVE HIMSELF A SELFIE PODIUM INTERVIEW


Dave Massey on the podium of the Cat-3 45+ Race. He was one of the first racers he interviewed. The following is a transcript of that interview.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: So, how was your race, Dave? You looked awesome out there today.

DAVE RACER: Awesome? Did you even watch what I did out there? Or were you too busy twerkin' your Mr. Microphone to take notes? I was F#$%in' super-ass wicked, my man, and by my man I mean me.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: That's great Dave, but watch the language huh, there are a lot of kids out here today ...

DAVE RACER: Better they hear it from somebody kick-ass like me instead of that guy that's been lurkin' around the van all day in the smelly skinsuit ... it's time to grow up, glue on the tubulars and get to work boys and girls. Awesomeness waits for no man ...

DAVE ANNOUNCER: So back to the race, when did you make your move? When did you decide it was 'GO-TIME'?

DAVE RACER: It was GO-TIME from the gun, good-lookin. Those guys took one look at my rig with the twin-towers of hydraulic hood awesomeness sitting on my bars, got a load of my groovin' retro side-burns and they were peein' in their bibs before we twisted a crank arm in anger. It was over before it started.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: Nice. Well, great race Dave. Thanks for showing up, and thanks for your time.

DAVE RACER: Think nothing of it. My time is your time. I mean literally, my time is your time.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: Sure thing. See you later, Dave.

DAVE ANNOUNCER: Like lookin' in the mirror handsome, like lookin' in the mirror ....