CROSS RACING GOES GONG SHOW: A FAST AND FURIOUS REVIEW

"What we have here is a failure to communicate." The Bell Lap at Chicago Jackson Park is serious business - don't mess with it, or him, or you will be relegated permanently to hell, okay?

Riding around the course at the Lansing CX Festival (notice I didn't say racing) this past Saturday a heckler dropped  a good one on me ...

"Hey, why the fuck don't you update your goddamn blog, asshole?"

Point well taken, sir. Well, I have been pretty busy, yelling and swearing at fellow bikers, maintaining a poor diet and trashing my training program on a daily basis (training with power are you kidding?), and oh yeah working and the having my brain turned to snot in Genesee County, but I guess that's no excuse, so it's time to get down to it, push on the pedals, or the keyboard in this case and rumble through as many races I can in one lame blog. Here's what I know since the last blog report since Waterford ...

CHICAGO CROSS CUP #1 JACKSON PARK

Racers, tape, and turns as far as the eye can see.

I've been doing this race for a lot of years. A lot. When I started there was one piece of tape and some Styrofoam cups making the course. Now it's a packed affair. Unfortunately, this year, the course and all the people (600-700 racers!) were packed into a small sliver of grass. Adam counted 80-turns per lap - every race was at the limit with a 100-riders, so it was a dizzy ride, to say the least. Amazing I only dropped one F-bomb on a guy who squeezed past on the outside, smacking my bars (that was okay, not a word) but then when I held on and rode him into the tape exiting the turn he wanted me to "hold my line," (Hahahahaha!) I let it go ...

If you think a Crazy Bastard pit looks overloaded with Cross-Crap™, you ain't seen nothing until you've been to a Chicago Cross Cup. There is more ...

....Cross-Crap™, bags, clothes, and junk ...

... and bikes (everybody brings 6-bikes to the race, than you've ever seen before.

Sarah McIntyre was a on wait list to get into the Cat 3/4 Women which had been closed for weeks. Lucky her, she got to start in the Cross-Mosh-Pit™.

Nancy Lange was in it to git' it. In 80-turns, in 4 or 5 laps, Nancy had a few miscues and crashed 3-times. If you consider she had to negotiate around 400-turns in her race, that's not too bad. And she wasn't the only one ... plenty hit the deck.

Good crowds on hand. Ever see this many fans on the hand at the end of the Cat 3/4 women's race in Michigan? Come on ... we can do it!

Want to see what the race was like? Here's a video from father back in the field of Adam's Cat 3 Race. 100 riders, 80-turns a laps - yikes. Adam had a mechanical and two bike changes and still managed 5th place. 

TAILWIND RAIDING #4 LOWER HURON

The Bell at Lower Huron has some issues with the Leopard Girl. Hmmm, wonder what it all means?

Tailwind's Lower Huron is one of my all-time favorite courses and races - anywhere. Last year after a night-long downpour, the course was surprisingly dry. This year ran during the day added a slick coating of mud that saw a lot of spills - and brought the mudders to the front.

Me jumping for joy that my leg grew back. Still didn't make much difference in my performance though. I still suck.

Somebody who doesn't suck, at least on a cross bike - is Chunky Dunker (aka John Osgood). Here the Chunky One kills it up Lower Huron's slippery back hill. Man did the Dunker ride his heart out, taking chances at every slippery turn and chasing down the Elites just ahead of him. Well done, Dunker!

Leopard Girl and her Bionic leg made a comeback in the Women's 3/4 and took the win. Is the the Leopard skin (real)? The Bionic leg (not real)? Or the awesome pigtails that makes her 'cross so awesome?

Here's another look at that hill. Yeah that last lip is a killer.

Almost there, guys. Hup, hup, hup.

Somebody who made that hill look easy was the Pony (aka Jeff Weinert). The Pony rode off the front of the Elite race and never looked back. Yes, when conditions get challenging the Pony can ride it. You'll notice there's no sign of the competition.

The CBX Team area. How much stuff you do you need to race cross? This much? Time for an intervention.

Leopard Girl Wins, Sarah McIntyre Second, Pam Bufe 4th. Nice race ladies, and almost perfect Podium form ...

The Men's Elite Podium. The Pony top step, Aaron Beebe 2nd, Parmachicken 3rd, Adam Big Mac McIntyre 4th. Two BISSELL's on the Podium, and only one Podium form fail ...

LANSING CX FESTIVAL

The "Hill"was the main attraction coming after a nice starting chute made the selection early.

This is the first Lansing CX race, or rather festival at this location, under a new promotion and management team. I think they should let every one now about the changes they've made. While it's on a golf course, like the old Lansing venue, it's far hillier and just a far better laid-out course. It was a lot of fun and the atmosphere was laid-back and fun - still with a lot of really competitive racing. They also had Port-Johns, so there's that, too ...

Scott Kroske was so awesome he would race ahead of everyone, jump off his bike and snap photos. Absolutely amazing!

A future Cyclocross tar from West Michigan is Claire Reeves. Here Claire is trying out a new cross bike. Claire took second in her race and then motored up north to win the next day in Traverse City.

Kelly Patterson trying to look cool while working something out after a win at the Lansing CX Festival and getting ready to try her hand at the Single Speed race later. Where's Queen Ann? If you didn't hear she reopened her knee at Lower Huron - hopes she's back soon.

You've been Gonged. One to Gong-go.

Here's something neat from Lansing CX Festival - the Gong! A nice idea, but while I had a little better ride than usual, after a crash, and a heat stroke (it was 81˚!) slipping a few positions and dropping off the back, it felt more like I was in the Gong Show, not a cross race. Good officiating and a well run race. "Give him the Gong, Chuck, he sucks!"

The Whiz is back! Great to see him chasing down the leaders.

If you get a chance to try one of Lansing CX races, at the new Waverly course, give it a try. You'll like it, hill, Gong and all.

KISSCROSS CASCADE PARK

KissCross Spectators at the top of the Pinwheel of death hill. Nobody died up there, but some chains got dropped and some beer got drunk, that's for sure.

I've hit the Cascade race two years in a row and while the course has been altered a little it's essentially the same ground and makes for a pretty good course with off-camber, a little sand, and some pavement here and there. It looked like a lot of people were there. The pin-wheel of death on the top of a little hill, right after the start, backed up traffic, and then spread the race out and it wasn't soon before the course was covered with racers. The only downside - spectators were wandering and riding across the course, and some creative sand castle work in the sand pit cause a few, but not serious, wrecks.

Adam and the Geeze coming up the sidewalk. Who are they chasing?

Probably Aaron Beebe, coming across the start finish line. 

KissCross Cascade Park Spectators. One seems interested in the action, the other could care less who won. It was a beautiful day to watch bike dorks jumping over things and crashing in the sand.

Speaking of crashing in the sand, from reports I've received this is exactly what Slayer's crash looked like in the sand when he hit a ramp built by some kids, after the A's pre-ride. Just insert Jeff's Okay, where you hear Joey. Glad to hear he's okay. See you all at Mad Anthony this weekend.

PLAYING CATCH-UP AS THE YEAR WINDS DOWN

Rockin' old school CBX at the SURPRISE YOU'RE F*ING old B-Day Party. Remember these? Nice, but mine isn't as clean. Has to be Jim Allen - he's neat!

Well I've been shut down by the Google Monster for almost a week, but now that's over we can resume  normal operations, which means more crap Bastard posts. Since we last left you I had a surprise Birthday Party at the Farm Team Headquarters, which was quite a bash, and a total shock to my system that anyone could even remember that it was 96th Birthday! Anyway I got more gifts than I deserve, thank you everyone, especially you-know-who for the great gift and Scott Chapin for the Head Scratcher, which still has me scratching my head, which I guess is the idea, right Scott?

The gift for someone who has everything - but hair? The Head Scratcher. 

While it's a brilliant device since I have no hair, scratching my head is never a problem. Yet knowing Scott, there had to be some sensible reason for him giving me this thoughtful and inspired gift, even though it seems so stupid. And then it came to me as I scratched my head ....

It's a Helmet Head Scratcher, for scratching those spots you can never seem to get to when you're riding. Thanks Scott, this gift is truly inspired and thoughtful too!

There were many wonderful people at the party, and as you can see by DJ CR, jumping in the background of Kim, Sheri and Gretchen, it had a real party atmosphere.

Kim, Chris and Dawn Davison enjoying the party.

Great to see Julie Boonen (Tom's Boonen's sister, all the way from Belgium) and Jurrien - Etho Bastard - Davison on scene.

Best of all it was wonderful to get some of the Original Crazy Bastards together again. Jim Allen, Bill Jewell, and Tom Hahn, recently returned from a 3-year trip to Mars, on hand to celebrate me getting so old I want to forget. Thanks for making me remember guys!

Here's a short video I shot of the party with the GoPro attached to my head scratcher.

HOLLAND RACE REPORT: BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. WELL MAYBE NOT ...

The next morning it was off to the final race of the Kiss Cross Series in Holland, which I guess would be the KissCross Holland Race. The course was designed by the Hupster's and was a great one. It also appeared that there must have been several other Surprise Parties on Saturday Night by the way some of the participants looked. 

Jeff Jacobi was looking sharp Sunday Morning. Dig that helmet Jeff.

The Big Dogs having a chat after the race. They look okay, but is that Chris Boer puking on his front tire in the background?

Yeah, it was Chris Boer hurling on his tubular. Nice to see you Chris!

Even Adam had Crazy Eye after the race from "Party All Night, Race All Day" syndrome.

Craig Geitzen was looking A-Okay after the race, but that's because he's all hopped-up on performance enhancing, Super Energy Food, GEEZ BARS. 

Super-Powerful, Super Energy Food. My only problem Craig, it tasted kind of plasticiky. No wait, I forgot to unwrap it! Yum, love the EPO flavor!

Arrrrrrrrgghgghgghgghhhhh Matey! Cross Racin' Ahoy! Said Mike Seamen after his race. The Pirate of Cross indeed.

Amanda Schapp in cool down, warm down mode after her race. Good to see you Amanda.

Amanda: I've got my eye on you creepy Crazy Bastard Cross guys, my eye on YOU!

Finally, a nice shot by Julie McGraw,  showing me actually running, which you won't see in the next post, as we catch up on the last two weeks races, at the notoriously wonderful and painful, Bad Bad Wolf.

I'll try and catch up tomorrow with another post on the this past weekends Big Bad Wolf race, and then prepare you for the alway hilarious, Michigan State Championship, which I think are being held in Ohio or Indiana this year. I'll keep you posted.