Monday, December 24, 2012


Crazy Bastard Christmas Light Ride 2012.

In case you missed it, or even care, we had our Christmas Light Ride last Tuesday. It was raining and crappy, but not as crappy as Thursday, so if you were holding your holiday-breath for the Thursday ride "To The Lights: you were Christmas-Shit-Out-of-Luck. It never happened. That's because it was even rainier and crappier than Tuesday and nobody felt like riding. So there. Happy F*ing Holidays.

The riders assemble in the lot after the ride for a Christmas group portrait in the rain. Pretty freakin' cheery, huh?

While there were a lot of people that I enjoy riding with in this group (you can't see anybody in this group which is really what the night was all about anyway), let me tell you there are few hiding in the shadows that I never want to see, or hear again. As for disc brakes in the mud - well I just have to say no thank you. I'd rather listen to an endless loop of a garbage disposal filled with dinner forks and chicken bones.

Back at the HC for Christmas Light Night Beers. Also dark and murky.

Back at the practically empty HC we had a few beers and swapped inappropriate stories and jokes all of which I tried to immediately erase from my mind. Hey it was swell guys, can't wait till next year!


If you want the Cyclo-Cross World Championship to happen in America this year you'll need to buy about a 100 of these, or sign up for a $25,000 VIP Table soon.

I had thought that the financial woes of the World's in Looeyville were in the rear view mirror that's velcro'd to the side of my race helmet, but no – the sad saga seems to continue. When I saw reports of $2500, $25,000 and $25,000,000 VIP tables being put up for grabs, I started to have a bad feeling. Once again funding didn't come through, but thankfully a some groups that aren't sustainable energy companies that promised to support this thing and went broke, stepped up, picked up the pieces and got on with the job of not making Cyclocross in America look like a big joke. I mean imagine having a 'cross race, inviting everybody in the world and not have something, like let's say - toilets? How bad would that be? 

Imagine a World Championship Cyclocross Race, or any race, without one of these. Horrible, huh?

Just so you think I'm pooping in your port-o-potty about this, here's the story that just kind of came and went on December 18th.

USA Cycling rescues cyclo-cross Worlds after Exergy shortfall
By: Laura WeisloPublished: December 18, 17:10, Updated: December 19, 00:13

Will cover funding with Louisville Sports Commission
With just over six weeks until Louisville, Kentucky is scheduled to host the 2013 UCI Cyclo-cross World Championships, USA Cycling and the Louisville Sports Commission have had to step in and take over running the event after a reported $250,000 sponsorship shortfall threatened the very existence of the race, USA Cycling announced today.

USA Cycling installed its own race promoter, Micah Rice, the VP of National Events, to take over running the operations from Louisville 2013's Joan Hanscom and Bruce Fina, but Rice told Cyclingnews that he expects the current staff to remain involved.

"We are taking a hard look at everything right now, and we are in the process of figuring out all the contract pieces," Rice said, "but we don't expect USA Cycling to waltz in and for Bruce and Joan to walk away. We are eight [sic] weeks out, and it would be impossible to run the event without their knowledge."

If Joan does walk away, it will be in really cool boots with a beer and a cell phone in her hand. That's multi-tasking girl! 

If America screws this up this sign will be more like a tombstone than a tribute to American Cyclocross.

While it looks like USA Cycling and Papa John's Pizza are going to cover the tab for the d-bag sponsors that went solar-windmill-belly up, there also looks like there is an effort to close the financial shortfall by selling some VIP Tent packages. Some of my friends have even been offering (more like taunting) me with the idea of dropping some semi-big-bucks so I can watch the race from inside a tent. My first thought was, you gotta be Katie F-ing Compton kidding me, but then I thought what if the tent is so cool that I don't care if I miss the race because I'm sequestered inside a big party bag? I imagined the possibilities ...

How cool would it be if the VIP Tent was like a giant, fully  landscaped court yard with a fountain flowing with Belgy Beer? Yeah that's worth at least $2500 bucks! Plus you can just puke up the beer and bad food on the grass or in the flower beds like you always do. It's classy and convenient.

Or how about if the VIP Tent is totally trippin' balls like this? Hell I'd forget all about cyclo-what?

And dude, like a VIP Tent is always stocked with plenty of debutantes, right? Now that's racin'!

It would be just a giant-ass VIP Tent Party, man! Yeah that's rockin'!

American 'cross fan in the tent and out of the rain! Yeah, what's a bicycle anyway? What no motor? Foggeddaboutit!

For what I can afford, this is probably more like what my VIP Tent will look like, somewhere under a bridge by the Ohio River, downtown Looeyville.

So as you can tell I am going to Just-Say-No to drugs that aren't performance enhancing enough, and a VIP Tent pass - unless I can get either one of those things for free. I am going to go out there and watch the world's best 'cross, just the way they do in Europe. Here's a video of how they do it, so you can learn by example. Please take notes, note takers.

Why waste beer money on a useless VIP tent pass? You're going to end up face-first in the mud sobbing - "Styby, Styby, Styby ...." anyway. Just get Euro, and go for it. It's a historic event - or that's at least what I'm told.


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