Thursday, February 9, 2012


Everybody is into the "Hey you kids stay off my muddy trails!" movement these days. I don't know why a bike shop would want you not to ride in the mud. I destroyed an entire drive train last week riding in the mud and now I have to go to a bike shop and buy all sorts of shit to repair it. The sign should read; Ride in the mud fool, we'll take your money - that's what we do!

The above was photo was sent to me by a Crazy Bastard blog follower that knew I was having trouble fully grasping the "Stay You Fools" no-riding-on muddy-trail movement now sweeping West Michigan. He or she wanted me to know the seriousness of the issue. It would seems that the Stay You Fools Movement (SYFM) has now become a full-fledged  crusade, much like an Occupy Wall Street (or your city's name) movement, or a rocking social media killer-campaign like the recent one against the Susan Komen Foundation, that I guess was about Susan Komen arming small children with pink handguns like these:

I wish I could buy a handgun of any color to shoot mud in the face. The world would be a better place - "hey Mud, can't we all just get along? NO? Well take THIS! BLAM! BLAM! (and so on)

I just wish that this movement had come along earlier and protected the muddy roads from my bike, or my bike from the muddy roads last week. The poor thing is sitting in a heap on the garage floor, chain chopped off, cassette rusted and wrecked, rear derailleur frozen, and cables turned to crudded-up crap.

 This could have been prevented if there had been a sign in Townsend Park like the one below.


You rode it in the mud, of course it won't be okay. Ever again. And you've also destroyed the earth's crust and the earth's filling is now going to spill out and get eaten by birds.  Now we're all going to die. Hope you're happy, YOU FOOL!

Hey stay off my golf course mister cyclocrosser! Those ruts are going to really screw up my drives/short game/putting/drinking.

So I didn't get the warning in time, so it looks like I'm going to have to improvise for tonight's ride. Here's my new whip for the muddy month of February. Let's see Mr. Mud f*ck this thing up. I dare you Mud!

Classy push bike technology. Can I get this with electronic shifting, hydraulic disc brakes, and uh, an 11-speed instead of Z-10?

Speaking of riding on nasty surfaces that can wreck your bike, here are two videos by the retiring cyclocross pro from last weeks World Championship in Koksijde, Christian Huele, who makes lap videos that remind me of Big Mac's. One is a practice lap following Sven Nys, and the other is just sucking in the giant crowd. Enjoy, and maybe we'll see you at the ride tonight.

Hey try and keep up. I'm the fastest cyclocross racer in the world - ever!

Look who showed up. All these people are drunk. And smoking cigarettes. And eating fries literally drowning in mayonaise. I'm moving to Belgium. I also hear riding on mud is encouraged.


  1. Hey SB,

    What’s all the fuss about rutted MTB trails? Isn’t there a parallel between fat tire bikes and asphalt rollers?

    I see a Surly Pugsley, Moonlander, or Salsa Mukluk as a petal powered Caterpillar steam roller. One group ride and you have happy trails, smoothies.

    I’m rutting it up tonight.


  2. I not sure what it's all about it Redline ... but you're right you could fill the tires on those wide-body bikes with water for added worm-killing effectiveness and roll the trails as smooth as a baby butt or turn them into navigable canals. I'm slinging an SS tonight. My geared contraption is still lame.

  3. So i was able to save my drive train last week (at least for this season). i spent over two hours trying to get the crap out of the nooks and crannies! I even had a nice coat of the chalky crap inside of my tires. I'm still hearing from my wife that i screwed up her washing machine. The clothes were as bad as the bike....ugh! Bring on the MUD!!!

  4. By the way, how was it last night. i did not get off the plane till 5:15 no way to make it in time. so i went home and sat on my A**

  5. Working on a post Kahuna. Great ride last night with a good bunch, the roads were hard fast and mudless (time to change out those studs) sorry you couldn't make it in time: Steve B, Aaron H (Tools of Culinary Delight, Death and a new Cross Bike) Ryan Notrebon, Redline Bastard, Craig F-Bats, Tony Niner, Bob Seargent Shultz, and myself. I pre-wash my clothes in the driveway.

  6. I have a huge mud spot in my driveway from clothes and bike. The spot i had my tights looks like someone was killed there and only left an outline. My wife told me if i ever come home with that much crap it will be a body outline!!!! Back in the game tomorrow and all next week.

  7. if there is mud in the driveway, can it be driven over?