PUSHING THE LIMITS OF STUPIDITY MUD TEST PLUS CROSS ITALIAN-STYLE VIDEO AND WHY NOT RIDE TONIGHT?

Did a little tire testing last night on the new Challenge Limus, pictured above. Limus means "mud" but I don't see how. Sounds more like a disease, and yeah the only cure is more cowbell? Right? Exactly. 

I always like that one. And so does this guy.

Well enough cowbell, now on with the tire testing. Oh it's so scientific - as you will see.

Anyway I mounted up the Limus, front and back, and took them out to the nearest piece of wet and muddy ground I could find, which wasn't hard, given the all the rain we've been having of late. I have a test track set up for just this purpose, by the way, set with laser speed traps, and, oh no, I'm lying again. Anyway with these thing mounted up on my new bike, I would finally, and for once in my life, be AWESOME on the slippery stuff or so I thought.

Change slide, and move back to reality.

Well here's the first part of the test gone wrong. Yeah I tried leaning the Limus as hard as a could on extremely slippery grass. Above you can see what I did - I took a perfectly good Campy Ergo lever and turned it into a garden weasel. See what I mean?

So how many gears/speeds does that Garden Weasel have? Does it go to eleven? Can I get an electric/tronic version?

To be perfectly honest (and this is the test part of this stupid post) those tires absolutely rock. Grippy, nice feel (more threads than previous Challenge tubulars) and didn't feel as draggy as the the Fangos rolling straight on in deep grass. And they blasted around loose turns on grass and slime faster than I've ever pushed a tire in those conditions Amazing. Well too amazing.

The above collection of crap all over my kit (always test new equipment in old team kit) isn't from a long ride on muddy roads, but just one crash. Yeah I put it down hard boys and girls. I was so shook up that in my addled confusion (photo center) I entered a neighbor's house and asked if I could borrow a class of Chablis to go with the plate of mussel I had in the drive way. I hate Chablis, so I knew I had a concussion. Plus I didn't have any mussels, either.

Actually I knew something was wrong because I could also hear a bell ringing, which indicated that I had "had my bell rung." If you don't know what that means, here's this Urban Dictionary entry should help:

bell rung	15 up, 2 down
	This word is a football term. It refers to when a player undergoes such a huge blow to his head that he can hear a ringing noise in his head. Coach: Why are you holding your ears you fuc*ing pussy?? Player: I got my bell rung.

Well enough of my whining. Time to suck it up and get ready for the Tailwind Stony Creek Race this Sunday. It's a beautiful setting for a race situated on the shore of a small lake. The grass is smooth, there are some fast paved sections and some swampy mud areas (new tires?). But best of all there's about a 150 yards of beach sand to test your sand riding (and running). So maybe I should put on my crash helmet and start hitting some deep sand as hard as I can. The landings should be softer, you think?

Also depending again on weather - who's in for riding tonight? We'll try 6 at Townsend, just for the hell of it.

NOW, ON WITH THE ENTERTAINMENT

No matter what race you're doing this weekend this ought to get you fired up. It's another great World Cup video, featuring the best women in the world - well, except for the best KfCompton - but a beautiful video. It starts a little slow but you have to watch the whole thing. Good lord is this a tough race and you get a feel for the absolute slaying that goes on toward the end, even without some announcer blathering about suitcases of courage and such. While she doesn't win, the guts of #4 on the Rabobank team is pretty inspiring. Thanks to Mud and Cowbells for posting this up.

Championnat d'Europe cyclo-cross 2011 from Petitesreines on Vimeo.

BRING ON THE MUD BROTHERS AND SISTERS

Out for a little test ride on the new mud-yummilicious rubber before they are put to the real test on Sunday. Could be muddy, or not. Well, we'll see this weekend. 

Speaking of Mud, anybody make it out last night for a ride? I think there were some empty roads out there, except for the odd soccer player or two.

They just love to get muddy.

If you don't, maybe you need one of these bad boys. I think it looks disgusting, like some giant fender condom, but if you want to escape the mud stripe, okay I guess. I'm thinking that this has to be some Redline Bastard invention. Let me know if I'm wrong.

  As for riding in the collective sense, I think we will definitely shoot for tomorrow, same time and location: Townsend, roll at 6. See you Bastards there. We'll go to the HC so you can recount your tales of horror and heroics from the ICEMAN.

DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO WHILE EVERYBODY WAS RACING THE ICEMAN?

So years, weeks, days, minutes from now when your kids, or an annoying neighbor or the guy you hate riding with asks you what were you doing during ICEMAN, the world's largest race of 2011, what are you going to say? Some of us had other things cooking, so we couldn't be there, and we felt left out (like what five people didn't go?). Many felt that 50,000 mountain bikes, in one day, on one trail is enough. Some were scared of riding through the woods that far, an didn't want to get run over by a 1,000 people full of Red Bull. Or others, like myself just needed a damn rest. Well, here's a little compilation of what some of us were doing while you were out Slaying the ICEMAN 2011.

Tom Burke was in Cincinatti at the big 3 day cross festival, trying to get around a bunch of guys that were having a hard time navigating the course, apparentaly.

Tom to guys who can't get going: "Gentlemen would you please @#$#$# pick up your bikes and @#$@#$ get them the @#$#@ out of the way and get going? Thanks, I appreciate it." (No Tom wouldn't talk that way.)

Other were just sitting around by their computer, waiting for this sweet video of this year's MAD ANTHONY to drop. Yeah, it's a nice one. Wish you'd done it now, don't you?

Others, with absolutely nothing to do watched this compilation of Euro Pros set to Belgium-style Country and Western (European Country and Western?) Music. Great riding. Weird video.

Others, still hiding in the basement, with nothing to do because all their riding 'buds were gone, watched endless videos on tubular tires. I can almost smell the glue, and the boredom, can't you?

I visited Frankenmuth with my parents on the day of the ICEMAN. I think you can see my mom dancing on one of the tables after a few beers and gobbling an all you can eat platter of chicken. Yeah you go Mom!

Some of us were still getting our Excorcism on, still trying to get Fangs McGee to leave town, or at least the body of our riding pals. Below Fangs has taken over the body of female cyclocross racer and being forced to leave by a Bastard Pastor. Let's hope it's not Cupcake that's in trouble with Fangs. Oh no!

While others, like fellow Bastard rider Aaron Huntington were out sticking some fine looking deer. Well done Aaron! Hope that's not a Reindeer, Aaron, or Werdy's Minions are going to be mighty upset with you. What time's dinner? Any chance we all going to get some riding Jerky?

Many hardcore cross Michigan fans were already on the road to the Louisville USGP of Cyclocross – that's this coming weekend. This is a shot of the the Crazy Bastard Team Hot Dog Vehicle passing the SRAM car by going around the slow ass SRAM car, taking the right lane. Usually that's a highway no-no, but this is in Indiana, so it's okay. I guess.

Other people were just sitting around waiting for the latest Twin Six shirt of the week to drop. Yeah, I think you know who you are ...

And some, I'm not saying who, Mr. Fashionista, were going through the Satorialist blog checking out all the hot babes and fashions. Aren't you taping Project Runway, too?

Watching the rain falling outside, I decided it was time for some real mud tires while you were racing ICEMAN. Say hello to my little friends called Limus. Know that I've finally got a real mudder I'm sure the rain will stop and we'll have nothing but Grass Crits from now on.

Finally, with nothing else to do, and everyone gone to the joy that is the ICEMAN, I just went out into the garage and took a look at my First Place ICEMAN medal hanging over the workbench - just like all of you are doing today. What? You didn't get one of these?

ROMANTIC RIDE BEFORE THE ICEMAN BLOWS TOWN, THE RETURN OF FANGS MCGEE AND A DRUNKEN EXORCISM AT THE HONEY CREEK TAVERN

There have been some great fall nights for riding lately. Rolling the single speed there's time to stop and snap a photo like this, just before sunset. If you look hard enough you can see Big Mac on the left, doing, er, something. The rest of the group kept rolling. Hope they made it back to the cars okay. While it looks romantic, it also could be construed as a harbinger of evil to come (Red Sky at Night Look Out The Devil is Coming!). Who knew we'd end up with an Exorcism over Guiness later that night?

Before the ride Tony relaxes like a pro. He was out for an easy roll last night in preparation the no doubt massive effort he'll be laying down on Saturday in the World's Largest race: ICEMAN. There were quite a few Bastards out last night - though not pictured here. Some new guys, in fact that were told what a nice ride this was. I hope they made it back.

FANGS MCGEE RETURNS! ONLY IN A DIFFERENT BODY! AND DIFFERENT BIKE! WTF!

Some of you may remember the story of Fangs McGee, from last year's mud rides. Fangs always rocked the biggest knobbies that could be had, especially on sloppy, muddy days, and he always wore shorts with no knee protection even in temperatures well below zero, or worse. Last night when this guy (we're not saying who, Ryan) rolled up with this perfect Fangs McGee tire and bare knee combo, we knew that (we're not saying it was Ryan) was inhabited by the demonic soul of the original Fangs McGee. Knowing this we called for an exorcism at the Honey Creek after the ride. It looked like this, only Fangs still had his shorts, helmet and knee socks on.

"Out Fangs, out! Leave his (Ryan's) body and let him wear knee warmers once again and put regular (file tread) tires on his bike that don't look like Mud Flat Flippers! And Robin bring me another beer - and some Deep Fried Asian Carp! Out damn you! Out Demon Fangs McGee!"

Finally, if I were to be inhabited by somebody else, with better legs and lungs than mine, I want it to be Zapoweidz Soltestu, if that's his real name. Either that, if it's just the Ridley that makes you climb like a f*ing goat, I want one, no two, of them as well. I've dropped this small piece of Commercial Cross Porn in here for our number one Ridley-Lover, Adam, Big Mac, McIntyre. Enjoy, and eat your heart out Big Mac ...

RIDING IN THE RAIN OR STAYING HOME AND SINGING IN THE SHOWER?

There's a good chance that even if the rain stops the ride will end up looking something like this. Yeah, we can only hope.

If the rain continues, it could look this this. That's when you have to wash everything twice. Including the bike.

Worst case scenario you end up looking like this. Who is that masked man? Yeah, you know who it is, don't you ...

Anyway, if you do decide to brave the "sprinkles and mud" here's a tune for you to hum along as the you accumulate the also good luck shit-strip up the back of your bibs. I substitute "singing in the rain" with "riding in the rain." Yeah, it works.

We roll at 6. I'm going to try to make it, unless it really cuts loose and drowning looks like an options. Leave a comment if you're in ...

THE ICEMAN COMETH AND THE ICE MAN GOETH! ALSO SILLY HALLOWEEN CROSS AND EURO SAND VIDEO

Chances are National 24hr SS Nat Champ Musto will be rolling the ICEMAN this year. I was very pleased to receive this personally autographed photo from her and was going to send her a thank you note after I had framed it and hung it over my computer in the basement when I got a better look at the inscription ....

For Betty ... as you know Betty is my personal 'Cross Trainer and Manager, so I was a little surprised to see she's been jumping the fence and training a National Champion. That cheating bitch ...

Here Betty is hard at work, firing up the racers with her course-side banter. Way to go Betty. Traitor!

Last night's ride wasn't as big as this, but there were quite a few of the people you're looking at here, on hand for a great night of riding.

Last night's ride saw the last of the ICEMAN training go up the road, I think. Absolutely fantastic night for a ride and lots of Bastards were on hand. Some were hammering, some were rolling, some were just plain getting lost in the night. Yeah it was that good. We'll probably have a smaller and much tamer ride on Thursday, and then return next week with a regularly scheduled Single Speed Tuesday. I can't wait! Well I can.  Good luck to her and all you ICEMAN racers!  See at the Bastard rides next year!

HALLOWEEN HANGOVER VIDEO

Not enough Halloween Cyclocross Race action for you this year? Well dig into this pot of Cycloweenieness from - you guessed it - Portland and Bend Oregon. I snagged this video from BSNYC yesterday. When I saw it, instead of thinking, "gee I wish we could have costume racing and partying like this," I was like sick to my stomach - like I'd eaten too much rich candy and wanted to puke it up. Yeah sometimes too much of a weird thing is just too much of a weird thing. But you watch and tell me. I guess this is the "You're a Midwestern Guy," litmus test.

FINALLY - THE EURO SAND PIT RACE AND DROP OF DEATH IS HERE!

Sorry about screwing up yesterday's link, but embedding yesterday's race video from Europe was almost impossible. Thanks to Cycling Dirt, I finally got it so you can see it here without having to wander off on wild cyclocross video goose chases. 

Watch more video of European Cyclocross 2011/ 2012 on cyclingdirt.org

See you Thursday - and if not good luck at the ICEMAN or where ever you're racing or riding this weekend.

ANN ARBOR (MIS) VIDEO, EURO SAND PIT, RIDE TONIGHT AND MY BACK NEEDS A BEER

Don't like mud? How about some sand. Like straight downhill. Check out this crazy race video in Zonhoven this past weekend. These guys will show you some power. You'll also dig the head plant.

Another nice, uh, video by the demons of 'cross at The Michigan Scene. Looks like we got a little mention in there. Take a look, you'll see. Visit MIS and read the rant - there's a little tip to Haney, Jeff, aka Slayer who should feel right at home there.

Vets Park 2011 from kris operson on Vimeo.

After a few bumpy and tough races in a row, this is what my back feels like right now. Glad there's an off week. I can get some guitar playing in.

I'm going to try to ride tonight, though my back is a bit sore and twisted. I'm going to fight through the pain (but only so far) because  I want to be there to see the last of the ICEMAN COMETH training ... GOETH up the road for the final time this year. Yeah this should be about it for 29er sprint repeats, so get it while it's hot - or cold. While the weather is forecast as pleasant for tonight, I thought this video would be appropriate for an ICEMAN send off. In fact I understand that this is the new ICEMAN mascot. After all, the dude has time on his hands ...

As for my aching back I think I'm going to need one of these tonight at the HC after the ride. We roll at  6! Be there with tire inflated and ready to roll.