Double Cross Race and Bee Stings

Here's a good one if you like classic cyclocross racing. You'll notice that the flyer has a classic cyclocross feel to it, so you know it's a classic. The venue is a race track, pretty much like Grattan, with a flyover (Orange Crush), gullies, dirt, gravel, grass, a little-but-not-much climbing, and big-wide-long-ass stretches of smooth pavement. There are also a crap load of bees in some parts of the parking lot as I remember. One of them flew all the way over to the Game Area in Cannonsburg last night and stung the shit out of me. The bastard. I hope he died from biting me. Yeah, my blood is toxic to insects. I'm thinking of bottling it and selling it to kill bees everywhere, because I hate bees. Especially that f-cker that bit me. It bet it works better than all that crap I bought at Menard's last year.

NIGHT OF THE KILLER CHIHUAHUAS!

While it was a new perfect night for riding (for the small group of Bastards, Doez, CD and myself that made it) it was apparent right from the roll-out that the route was being guarded by an organized gang of Chihuahuas, or at least a bunch of nasty little dogs that looked like Chihuahuas.

While they may be easy to out-sprint, and would probably never be able to win a sprint finish in the B's at Grattan (I'm figuring maybe a few top tens and then moved up to As after a month) their attack is like a small road side bomb going off that's loaded with bristling sharp teeth and powered by a whole load of bad attitude.

Our favorite Killer Chihuahua, up on 13 mile, was actually hiding in the ditch, waiting for us. My guess is he was alerted via the Chihuahuanet by other members of his gang that had chased us just a few miles before. (One little monster actually sprinted after us so hard he spun out and crashed!)

When the 13 Mile Killer Chihuahua exploded out of his hidy-hole, it looked like the D0g Sprint scene from American Flyers when Kevin Costner sets his brother up with a Pit Bull on a training ride - everybody goes sprinting full-out to escape being mauled to death. Only instead of a Pit Bull, it was a snarling little beast with no legs.

The 13 Mile Killer took his bloody turns attacking our group, going after all three of us, one at a time. I tried to run him down as he went for CDs calf, only to have the little bastard turn on me and start chasing me up the road! Some nerve.

If you think that Killer Chihuahua attacks are funny, just take a look at this little news clip:

• FREMONT, Calif. (AP) — A pack of angry Chihuahuas attacked a police officer who was escorting a teenager home after a traffic stop, authorities said.

Read more: http://blogs.kansascity.com/crime_scene/2005/12/another_vicious.html#ixzz0wUyPcNXV

But are Chihuahuas really inherently evil beasts? Are they really the doggy world's new "Chihuahaunagans?" No I don't think so. Like any dog it's the owner that makes it a good or a bad dog. After returning to to the lot and having a few beers with Doez, and CD, and a surprise visit from Flying Bats with a cooler full of some really GOOD beer, I drove back to find out who was be behind the NIGHT OF THE KILLER CHIHUAHUAS!

Just as I thought, it was an evil, evil, twisted an screwed up mind.

The camera doesn't lie, boys and girls - and no it was the meth-lab guy, but close ...

Maybe she was just pissed at the world because the Belding Walgreens was out of Valtrex and sent those dogs after us to get her itchy revenge. I don't know what her reasoning was, but I'm de-friending her on Face Book today.

THURSDAY NIGHT RIDE

Yeah, somebody's up the road. I can tell by all the dust they're kicking up on the horizon. Nice attack you idiots put in while the rest of us were drinking and eating bananas at that stop sign where the horse trailer almost hit you as you crossed the road. Nice move jerk faces. So who's chasing them down? Not me. Screw that. This is a recovery night. It's always a recovery night when I've got to do some hard work. Besides I think we should turn right here. See you guys up the road. You suck.

Okay there's a ride on for tonight with some of the stars of the Holland Bastard Gang joining us. What people (people meaning me) like about these guys best is that they drink better beer, and bring there own, which you can't always say about the Bastards around here. Let's face it, we drink shitty beer and are a bunch of spongers. But that's what I love about you guys. Really.

Kick off, roll-out, start-time, let's fucking get going 54321, will be around 6, but if you're late we'll wait for a reasonable amount of time. What reasonable is I can't tell you. But if you get there and we're gone you were unreasonably late.

Don't expect me be killing it tonight as my legs are pretty tired after another dissapointing effort at Grattan last night. While I should be resting in my altitude tent for recovery, I think it is important to start riding the cross bike and getting used to the bite of some dirt because before long that gravel is going to turn into this ...

If you can't see it, that crap is gooey black mud and it sucked the heart and soul out of me last year. Yeah it really hurt. I'm the guy with the red kit on. This photo was taken just a moment before I popped like a kid's balloon. If you don't want this to happen to you maybe you should hose the crap off your crosser and get your ass out here.

Dirty Tuesday

Same bat place....go time 6pm. Post up if you need to roll later then that and we'll wait up.

Maybe a brew in the lot after the fact???

Just around the corner.....

DIRT RIDE TONIGHT?

I'm hoping to make it out for a nice friendly ride on my crosser tonight but I have some bike team obligations I have to deal with that might take me out of action. I am fairly certain a Bastard Ride can go on quite successfully without me (probably more successfully, but I don't like to think about that).  If I do make it, I might be a little late. If you don't want to wait, I promise not to let all the air out of your car/van/truck tires in the parking lot. I'll try and get to Peter Townsend Park as close to 6 as possible and be there before a 6:30 start. Yummm, I can smell the cow-poo up the road already. 

Anyone else going, please post and let the rest of the peeps know.

CROSS, CHICAGO STYLE

2009 Chicago Cyclocross Cup from Heather Jurewicz on Vimeo.