Jeff Noftz - the King of Kinetic Systems Bicycles in Clarkston, Michigan, (pictured above) along with Robert Linden of long-time Tailwind fame, invite you to another Cyclocross Race at the Waterford Raceway, in Waterford, Michigan this Sunday, December 18, 2011. The low-key race festivities start at noon. You can call these crazy people at 248-625-7000 for more information about this crazy race.
Directions to Waterford Hills Race Track:
From I-75, take the Sashabaw Road Exit (#89) and go south on Sashabaw about 2 miles to Pelton Rd (first right after Maybe Rd). Turn right and take Pelton until it ends at Waterford Rd. Turn left and proceed to the Oakland County Sportsmen’s Club gates on the left and enter.
(This found this on the Michigan Scene: here's more race details - Race Starts at Noon, A&B Race one minute apart. Only $10! Hell, just read it yourself.)
But just remember here's who you will be dealing with if you race. Think he's in his right mind having another cyclocross race this weekend? Look at him. I think he's got Crazy Eye™, doesn't he?
And here's where it all ends for guys like Jeff. Yikes. I wonder if she'll be racing Sunday. Bet she is.
So when you thought it was safe to start eating donuts and drinking beer 24/7, there's another damn race to do. But I'll probably be there. Looking like this after only a few days after my last race.
"Yeah, how many pounds of pressure do you need in your fancy tubulars now you big wise-ass, I mean fat-ass?"
Now that you know you have to get racing again to keep your amazing level of fitness and the edge on your mad cross skilz for Nationals and then Worlds maybe you should take a look Cycling Dirt's Who's #1 and try to figure out where you fit in. Excuse me I had to stop and laugh. Oh yeah, Who's #1 with Colt - always funny, always informative, and this week it has a special shout out to our own Marnie Smiley for winning an UCI race in Tennessee of all places.
UNDAY-FUNDAY-PARTAY TONIGHT AT MCFADDEN'S (Annual Team Priority Health Event to Benefit Mel Trotter Ministries)
No, the annual Priority Health fundy-undy party tonight won't look anything like this. Will it?
There's the Undy-Fundy Fundraising Party tonight at 7:00 pm at McFadden's in downtown Grand Rapids. This is a the party where you bring some new underwear (men's) to donate to the Mel Trotter Mission. It's always a nice cyclist get-together (for a good cause). For more information go here.
I believe I'll be there so don't look for me at the regularly scheduled Crazy Bastard ride tonight (though I'm trying to get out early, do a muddy lap on the SS and run home.)
Since this fundraiser is dedicated to underwear I thought it would be wise to show you how UNDERWEAR can kill. This is very important, I think, for those of us in the Masters + + + Categories. Thank goodness tonight's fundy raiser is men's underwear and not women's. I've got to race Sunday!
Hope to see you tonight, with your underwear on where it should be, as well as in your hands. Also I hope to see you at the race on Sunday.
Now is the time to sit back with a sippy cup full of Guinness or Leffe and reflect on the 'cross season that's just zoomed by. Things we got right, things we need to improve, and how to justify our piss poor training regime and mediocre results. Not really - it's time to think about tires, bikes, kits and all the stuff we imagine will make us faster next year without really working. So right now, what could be more worthless to start planning than what next year's race Crazy Bastard Pit Area™ will look like, right? (Due to the popularity of the Crazy Bastard Blog our lawyers have advised us to trademark anything that looks like it could use it™.)
Let's hope that next year we clean up our act a little bit and quit looking like the Beverly Crossbilly's™ just came to town.
By the end of the season we were sure getting a lot of comments on the Crazy Bastard Pit Area, resplendent with tents, flags, power washers, hecklehorns, chairs, bikes racks and bike stands of all shapes and sizes, plus just general clothing bags, feed bags and bag-bags that were just brought along for now good reason at all. Above is the layout we had at the rainy, muddy Holland Race. Since this race we've been getting a lot of comments.
"Wow that's pretty cool!"
"Did you guys bring enough shit with you? You know it's just a one day race, right?"
"Pretty pro. Why isn't everything white? Duh!"
"What a bunch of posers. I suppose you've got an automatic tire inflater somewhere."
Actually I can see all these points of view. And all at the same time. That's because I'm now seeing the world through Crazy Bastard Quadraopticalscope™.
For example here's the CBCX Pit™ as seen in Crazy Bastard Quadraopticalscope™ at the BIG BAD WOLF:
Trippy, huh? That's what you get when you mix PreRace and Xsty: a hole shot that lasts all night long and makes your head spin, not to mention your legs.
But, really, you do need a good-sized pit are when in just one vehicle you're packing this much crap ...
Not to mention the race bikes you've got loaded up top.
Here Jeff Noftz (Kinetic Bicycle Systems in Clarkston - an awesome Cyclocross shop), somebody who's forgotten more about 'cross just after lunch today than I've known in my entire lifetime. Jeff indicates here exactly how much room you need. I think he's telling us "a whole lot!"
Here was my original bike rack for the pit. Thanks to Adam we had something better to work with this year.
Adam's bike rack: It could hold almost all of our bikes and was a big improvement over my stolen Subway railing design.
Now that more and more Bastards are making the every-damn-weekend cyclocross race circuit (at the State Championship for example we had three racers under one tent with a total of seven bikes!) we're going to need more of everything. While Adam's bike rack, pictured above, was large enough for us last year, for 2012, I think we're going to need to stretch out that tube out a little bit longer for even more Bastard's bikes.
That's why I've just ordered this piece of pipe to make the rack substantially longer ...
That should be enough for the race bikes, and the pits bikes, don't you think?
While we were each bringing a couple of sets of wheels to each race, we're all moving up by buying even more wheels to carry for a tread for each type of precipitation, level of humidity, and surface type known on planet earth. Above are my new wheel sets for 2012. I'm thinking I'm going to need about 150 gallons of Mastik One to get started gluing them up. Betty is wondering if she's going to have to help me. Yeah B*tch™, you are ...
Lack of comfortable seating was a problem last year in the pit. I'm ordering a few of these to "toss out" under the tent. Yeah they look comfy, don't they? I probably won't even want to get up to race after I plop my ass down in one of these beauties.
We will also be bringing our own Crazy Bastard Mascot™ with us this year and he's going to need room to spread out. And no, that's not Jurrien in a furry suit, that's a real Crazy Bastard Bear™!
So we don't have to stop and eat at McDonald's on race day we'll be living off the land and eating the food that we kill in the Metro Parks where we race. Aaron Huntington III with will be coming with us on every "adventure"with his bike and "utensils" of Death and Cuisine™. Of course this also means we are going to have a "Buck Pole" and a gutting station. I'm thinking the new bike rack and the Power Washer will do for that.
These dudes played through the rain at the Chicago Cross Cup in Jackson Park this year.
We're also going to need entertainment, right? Because just watching the race isn't going to be enough. I've signed these guys up for the full season of 'cross - about 20 or more races. Hope you enjoy Oktoberfest Oompa from September through January.
But the Oompa isn't so bad. Not if we also add a lot of beer and Beer Garden Girls. Here's just a taste, try it, you might like it:
Oh and did I say flags? Yeah there will be flags ...
I've got some master planners now working on the layout of the new pit area. Take a look and let me know if you have any thoughts on what we've put down so far.
While the layout might be Doktor ordered" we also need the perfect aesthetic to complete the picture. Here's my "dream" cyclocross pit design which I found on the Sartorialist. I think you have to agree this certainly screams Crazy Bastard Cyclocross™, doesn't it?
QUICK SHORT AND RIDICULOUSLY INCOMPLETE RIDE REPORT:
Large, large group last night. Bob Hughes, Craig R (aka Flying Bats), Big Mac, Fast Freddy Mike K, Tony H, Dave S, Amanda S, Bob S, Steve B and so many more that I can't even remember every body's name at this time. I'll try and put up more details later. Also: lots of discussion at the HC about a new Secret™ T-Shirt™ Design™. More to come ...
Adam McIntyre rocked BISSELL to a Cat 3 B Men Win, and the Overall Stomach of Anger Series Championship at the Big Bad Wolf on Sunday. (Photo Sarah McIntyre: see most of the photos featured here on Adam's FaceBook Big Bad Wolf Photo Album right here.
If you weren't there this will give you a thrill for the course, the race, and the power of the Big Mac. Now hang on for a lap of this years BIG BAD WOLF ...
Nice course, no great course. But they don't grow up out of the ground on their own.
Before we get blathering on about the racing and what the Bastards did, let's give a tip of the cycling cap to the promoters, Tri-City Cyclocross Racing, course designer JB Hancock, the Stomach of Anger Series, and race sponsor Midland Brewing Company that gave us such a great race and such a fun year of racing. Well done guys!
THE B RACE: FROM HOLE SHOT TO HELL AND BACK
Now on with the racing. The whole day could be summed up this way: Hole Shots and Match Racing. In the Big Mac's B race he could only take the Series Overall Title and a sweet Championship Jacket with an outright win. He was trailing the racer, Jim Hilditch, pictured below, by two points. But except for the State Championship, Adam hadn't had a better lap time than Jim all year long. Uh-oh.
In the first lap it was Mac with the hole shot, but then he was caught and passed after a crash. Here they are churning through one of several sand sections. Most were frozen, some were not.
They went at it like this for the first half of the race. Somebody had to crack. There wasn't any sitting in or bullshit racing. It was a throw down from gun to finish. Both guys wanted it pretty bad, and there was no cat and mouse by either one of them. They punched each other in the mouth beginning to end.
But Mac's speed over the barriers ...
Power through the turns ...
Had him crossing the line, hands in the air ...
And collapsing on his ass after acrossing the line with the win ...
And then heaving out a lung and what was left of his second breakfast ...
Before taking the top step of the podium and the Race Winner's Growler ...
And wearing one of these by the end of the day.
WOMEN'S CAT FOUR: TWO WEST SIDERS BATTLE IT OUT IN THE DEATH MATCH OF THE DAY.
Sarah McIntyre and Nancy Lange brought it race day and hammered every inch of that course, each one trying to rid themselves of the other from the starting straight ...
To the sandy beach ...
Over the barrier and through the woods ...
With crashes (for both of them) in the sand and the off camber crap ...
But still getting up, like Sarah's doing here ...
And getting back in the race ...
And turning the cranks like she has all year long, Nancy made it one of the toughest races of the year - right down to the very end ...
For Sarah all that hard work paid off with her first podium of the year. Both Sarah and Nancy looked damn near dead and ready to puke after crossing the line. It was a real sweet battle. Congrats to both Nancy and Sarah on a fantastic day of racing and a great year of cross.
MEN'S CAT 4 OVER 35: HOLE SHOT AND WHO THE HELL IS THAT GUY?
Finally a good start. Haven't done that since October. Got away. Got a gap. I think they thought I was kidding. I was riding pretty angry, as Big Mac will attest, so I was more serious than usual. I had a lead in the series to protect and I decided I wanted that damn crazy jacket. Maybe the rest of the racers just didn't want to be around me, who knows. Even though I got clear, though, just knew I was going to get caught sooner or later. But just when was the question.
I had it strung out pretty good by the time we hit the beach. But who the hell was that guy in white behind me? (Answer: Jeff Brown).
He caught me at one point, but I immediately came back around him in the woods. But the SOB refused to go away. Props to him, he never sat in, and neither did I. We attacked as soon as possible. He was a strong, class act on the bike.
Pretty soon though, even though he could ride across barriers I had to hop off to jump over, I started to pull a gap little by little. (Photo by Adam McIntyre)
Finally I had a clean wheel. I like this shot because what looks any better to any cyclocross racer than that damn 1 Lap to go card? Tell, me, what looks any better than that? (Photo by Adam McIntyre)
Well maybe this ...
Or maybe this big thing of beer. I couldn't have been happier with that ride after a month of so-so mediocrity.
WOMEN'S ELITE: CUPCAKE CRUSHES THE SERIES
Cupcake had a good ride, a top podium spot, and best of all - the Series Championship in the Women's Elite.
CAN YOU WIN EVEN IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP? SLAYER DID. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT SH*T?
In the Series drawing for this sweet FREE KHS Cyclocross bike, Jeff Haney won! We couldn't believe it. We thought he wouldn't either. So we tried to sell it. It's still in Midland Jeff, honest it is.
THE STOMACH OF ANGER SERIES CHAMPIONS
Each category had in a series champions, and each winner (Champions) received a Series Champion Jacket, pictured below. The series consisted five races with two STOMACH OF ANGER races in Lansing, MAD ANTHONY in Detroit, the RED ZONE race in Saginaw, and the BIG BAD WOLF race in Midland.
This is how Stomach of Anger promoted the series, by teasing you with this sweet jacket. Everybody wanted one. But the Bastards got most of them. Yeah we did ...
Surly, Cupcake and Big Mac modeling their Championship Jackets.
THE END OF THE MICHIGAN SEASON AND SAYING GOODBYE TO CYCLOCROSS FRIENDS UNTIL 2012
Well lest you think the last race of the year is all about winning shit, and collecting free stuff, and kicking asses just because you're having a good day, think again, think-againers. It's also a bitter sweet time when we say goodbye to our cyclocross friends. Some of them we won't see again until next year.
Take for example our Team Sand Bag friends. You're not going to find guys like this everyday. And thank goodness. While they look friendly here, they also kicked some ass at the BIG BAD WOLF. They racked up some individual wins, but also took home the TEAM RACE first place.
Nice job guys, well done. We need more team racing. Anybody want to put together a Crazy Bastard co-ed team for next year? Didn't think so. Well done guys ...
Also it was the last time we'll set up the Crazy Bastard Pit this year. We were getting well known for our well equipped digs. Think we brought enough crap?
Finally it was time for goodbyes. Osgood wanted to hug everybody before he left. Cupcake I can understand ...
But me? I dunno John ... something about this is wrong dude.
But wait, this never-ending blog isn't over yet ...
SO WHAT DID CUPCAKE DO TO CELEBRATE HER ELITE WOMEN'S STOMACH OF ANGER SERIES CHAMPIONSHIP?
Cupcake was head over heels over her new Championship Stomach of Anger Track Jacket ...
... And who wouldn't be. Anyway you look at it, it's so damn cool!
NOW FOR THE CUPCAKE SPECIAL CHAMPIONSHIP CUPCAKE PARTY VIDEO (NSFW)
(Watch but don't touch if you're at work. This is definitely NSFW (No Safe For Work You Idiots!)
(Special Bonus Big Bad Wolf Question: Guess who the cupcake eating guy is after the video is done playing.
