BIG MAC'S FIRST LAP IN THE RED ZONE / BRIEF RIDE REPORT

For those of you not lucky enough, or something, not to make it to the Red Zone Race in Saginaw on Sunday, here's a Big Mac's (Adam McIntrye) view of the course as he slayed a hole shot and held the lead for the first couple of laps. Well done Adam! He finished on the podium, so his story of blowing up is a little exaggerated. And dig this course!

Last night's ride was big, fast in some places, and fun from beginning to end. As the ride launched into hyperdrive, somewhere on Tiffany Teen Star Slut Road, and we were showered with gravel from spinning wheels, somebody asked me, "so when did this get to be the Crazy Douchebag Ride?"

Very funny, anonymous rider!

 I trailed in the back with a nice group enjoying the weather, the sunset, the full moon, and three flats by Mr. Kim Lee.

Also no practice tonight, as I'll be out of town, but if you'd like to practice I can leave out some barriers and cones - just let me know.

One last thing, here's a video of a course that looks pretty challenging. It's worth watching to see a guy get pissed off and hurl his bike into the woods. Nice!

See you Thursday!

Hyattsville CX 2011: Risk vs. Reward from In The Crosshairs on Vimeo.

MORE COWBELL. MORE RIDE. MORE BEER. MORE BASTARDS RIDE TONIGHT AT 6.

When the weather's this nice, you gotta ride. Tonight at 6. Bring a friend. Bring a beer. Bring a light - we'll probably be a little dark for the last half hour. If you see this guy, you know you're in the right place.

Yeah, he's got a fever. And the only thing that will cure it ... well you know the rest of the story. See you tonight. WE ROLL AT 6 out of Townsend Park. 

See ya, Bastards

PRELIMINARY RED ZONE RACING REPORT AND WHY THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO CROSS RACING THAN JUST THOSE 45 PESKY MINUTES

So how much shit do you need to go cyclocross racing? Well this much, apparently. Note the inventive tri-style bike rack. It's a Big Mac Crazy Bastards cross exclusive.

The CB Bike Stand inventor standing over some his herd of cross bikes, and those of fellow Bastards. He'll tell you how much shit you need to race. And I'd listen. He's bigger than you.

When people tell me that they don't want to make an hour and a half trek to go cyclocross racing because it's only  30, 45, or 60 minutes of racing I just shake my head in bewilderment. While it's true that the races may be brief (but while you're in them some laps seem to last a lifetime) they are missing the point of the real joy of cyclocross racing. "And that is?" you may well ask.  

Well it's this: it's spending hours cleaning, fixing, loading, hauling, unloading and then loading again tons of gear, bikes, wheels, clothing, pressure washers, pumps, trainers, repair stand, bike stand, tool kit, rain coats, rubber boots and coolers filled with energy drinks (yuk) and beers (yum), not to mention chairs, tents, iPod, iPad, MacBook, and the ghost of Steve Jobs.

Inside of the grandpa van on the way to any race. This is just bikes, wheels and power washer. More goodies get flopped on top of this stuff.

Not to mention all the personal protection gear. Yeah, the Hecklehorn is protective in that it is the "Threat of Retaliation" that personally protects you.

Let's not forget that how Etho-Bastard rolls when he goes to a race. Did I mention that there's a full rack of white (show me you sausage) skinsuits inside, as well as a rack of polka-dot FreeWheeler bow ties inside just for podium appearances?

Well enough about the Frank Capra "Why We Race" baloney, now on with an incomplete race report with no photos. Yeah I lost my iPhone (my camera) in the van before the race. It dropped into the side pocket of my power washer (which I guess I didn't need on an 80 degree, dry day) and I didn't locate it until the action was over. Not to worry though, Adam Mac and Cupcake have plenty of incriminating photos and videos that I'm sure will be on the way shortly.

Overall it was a tremendous day for West Michigan crossers on just a fantastic course, designed by one the best course designers I know, Brian, the Brain Hancock. This thing had everything from rubberized track sections for speed, off camber, thrilling downhills, and technical sections that had you living on the edge. You'll get to see it first hand, soon, so check back later.

As far as Crazy Bastards, we had them on every podium with Cupcake, Slayer, Adam McIntrye, Nancy Lange, and even me, stepping up on the platform for some incredible medals. I'll show you mine later, baby.

Slayer had a great day, once again, racing with the elites in some really, really fast racing. While he may have gotten a medal, I think the real prize was the T-Shirt he showed up in.

Is that me on the T-Shirt, with hair? What does that say Jeff?

Yes indeed Slayer, you do have a fever. And we want one too!

NEW MUNSON RACE VIDEO FEATURING OUR VERY OWN SLAYER!

Fantastic new video just in from this past week's Tailwind Munson Night Race. If you have been wondering if you should try a Tailwind Cyclocross race, this ought make you pull the trigger and go. Best part of this video is all the time on Jeff "Slayer" Haney, who put on one helluva race that night. Check it out and see for yourself! See you in Saginaw kids. Also watch it to the end for the Slayer interview.

GONE CYCLOCROSS RACING - BE BACK LATER

Hanging up the gone racing sign on the barn - be back later. See you all in Saginaw, on Sunday, for what could be a good. Racing starts at 11 and it's only around a 2 hour drive. If you want more info, or want to register, just go HERE. You'll even find directions. And beer waiting, I hear. See 'ya, and drive carefully.

THURSDAY RIDE REPORT AND MUNSON NIGHT RACE VIDEO

There were like eight million people on the ride last night. Well maybe not eight million, exactly, but so many that I could not count them all. Fast up front, friendly in the back, it had something for everyone. You can sure tell that it is a ICEMAN time.

In other new tonight Big Mac located a great video by Ten Mile Media of last weekend's night race in Munson. It would have been even better, as noted by Adam, if there had been more than 2-seconds of footage devoted to us. Well, even with out us, it's pretty damn good.

2011 MUNSON PARK NIGHT CYCLOCROSS RACE from Hans Nyberg on Vimeo.

PAID TO HECKLE? WHAT IS CYCLOCROSS COMING TO? PLUS PRACTICE REPORT AND DISGUSTING JUGGALO VIDEO

Comment by K. Michael Babcock 41 minutes ago

I've got word that Laura Melendez, heckler extraordinaire, will be attending Red Zone CX! Be there, and be heckled by one of Michigan's best hecklers.

If you're not a regular follower of the Cowbell Forum on Cyclocross Magazine's website, well you should be. Today you'll see the above post from one the East Side 'Crossers, that is actually excited about having someone coming to their race to abuse them verbally. From what I hear Cupcake will be paid for her services in beer. (See yesterday's post on the Red Zone Race in Saginaw this Sunday).

It's great to know that West Michigan has some recognition in the outside cyclocross world other than Slayer, Tom Burke, Kim Thomas, Adam McIntyre,  and Scott Walburn, and now the up and coming Fast Freddy.

Just a tip Cupcake, keep an eye out over your shoulder for the up-and-coming heckle-stylings of Big Mac. He laid a good one on me at Munson while I was getting passed like a bus stop on the second lap:

"Betty called and she wanted you to know that she's the only bitch in your house ..."

LAST NIGHT'S PRACTICE: COUPLE'S NIGHT

It looked like last night was couples night at "Practice In The Park." (With a name like that I think we should have spread out blankets and had bottles of wine and cheese.) We had about ten people all tolled.

Fast Freddy and his wife Diane Bunn, who looks like she should be a future 'cross star, were out. Diane was getting the feel for her new cross bike and I'll bet she'll be racing soon. Kathy and Scott Nason were also out again, and Kathy is getting settled into her new Felt and looks ready to race soon. Maybe this weekend in Saginaw? Also Big Mac and Sarah were out, Sarah is looking pretty pro, so if we can get her to start in the front row instead of dead last, well I think she's moving up.

Nice to Rich Heckman out, new guy Brian (sorry I don't know your last name) who has a new Redline Pro - love that black and white and red, man. Also Cupcake made an appearance and signed a few autographs and then had to hustle off to her next paid performance.

I think these practice's have paid off, and when racing out of the area I think you'll see that our little group is just a little bit better and smoother at barriers and climbs. If you want some proof, here it is in a video taken of Big Mac at Kalamazoo last weekend. While I say you'll never make as much time going fast over barriers as you can lose time by fucking up by going fast, Mac proves me totally wrong. Watch him fly ...



Also, just in closing, if you think that cross is underground off-shoot of a non-mainstream sport, check out the Juggalo's in this video below. Bike Snob posted this video with the challenge: See if you can watch this and not want to pack a small bag and leave the United States forever. While I won't be doing that, I will be packing a bag of riding gear and heading out to Townsend Tonight. I think we're going to need lights for the last part of the ride, so start packing 'em if you've got them.


American Juggalo from Sean Dunne on Vimeo.