Yeah, fly it to the moon, will ya? I've just about had enough of both of you.
So last night I work late, can't make the regular ride so I opt for a short spin around town. I wear the wrong gloves and my hands are freezing so I stop for something warm at a nice restaurant and bar. I cozy up to the bar, start to order a glass of something, when I notice everyone in the place is looking at me. Admiring my sweet kit? Marveling that I am such an awesome/asshole kind of guy to be riding in such cold weather? No, none of the above ...
Walking into a bar in cycling kit last night during the Lance news segment was like being Cleavon Little's Black Sheriff in the Racist town in Blazing Saddles.
It took me a moment to get it. Then I look up and see three or four big screens with Lance all over it. Lance riding. Lance time trialing. Lance climbing a mountain. Lance drinking champagne. Lance climbing onto the TdF podium. Lance lying to reporters. People are pointing and laughing at me - "hey, there's Lance, right there!" On-the-screen graphic meanwhile are shouting: DISGRACED CYCLISTS ... LIAR ... CHEAT ... and so on.
Not my favorite sport or rider right now, just sayin'.
So while I'm sitting there being laughed and smirked at because I'm stupid enough to be a cyclist, I start thinking that I'm getting this shit just because Armstrong wants to race in sleeveless, mid-drift jerseys with Magic Marker scrawling on his arms and legs. I already don't care for Triathlon Culture now, this could turn me into a Tri-Hater. I really hadn't come to throwing down on the whole "Lance Thang" but this just about cut it. I mean pop culture crap like Oprah just doesn't do it for me, so I don't watch - but you can if want to - that's your problem. The other thing that came to mind is that Lance is more addicted to attention than he is to anything else. So I guess Oprah appearances are about right. Douche.
So here are the top questions, in 2013 that I'm already sick as f*ck of hearing:
#1 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF LANCE ARMSTRONG?
#2 DO YOU HAVE A FAT BIKE?
#3 DO YOU THINK DISC BRAKES HAVE A FUTURE IN CYCLOCROSS?
My answer to all of these questions is the same - watch this video and learn, kids!