Wednesday, May 30, 2012
There's more than one way to suck your way into the A's – other than a lot of whining, and crying – and FYI I can do both pretty well if I put my mind and shameless character to the job. After to listening to the all the sobbing, pissing and moaning about being moved up to the A's this season (and without just riding away from the pack while eating a sandwich to prove the point) like it was the podium of the Tour De Something Else, well I've just about had it listening to all degrees of entitlement and overestimation of skill and athleticism. I mean just because you can afford a carbon fiber bike doesn't me you should be allowed to race it.
This is the new Grattan Raceway offficial B Race I Wanna Move Up Slogan™. Maybe I should listen to it myself, and not just about A-shit.
Tonight we unleash hell-on-two wheels in the form of the strange formation of attack and destruction pictured at the top of the page. (Unless of course it rains and then I will chicken out and post up yet another DNS in what amounts to my suckiest road season yet).
Hell nobody looks where they're going in the B sprints anyway, so why not make a full day of it on the track with this insane aero-ass set-up? It's perfect set up for the go-at-the-gun breakaway, don't you think? Add a two-stroke engine and I'd say the cookies are all yours.
I'm thinking, if you can ride f-ing aero-bars in the B's as was accomplished last week, why not a gas engine and a little tow bar? I mean, who will notice? When you hear the backfire I suggest you pull over and hold your breath until the exhaust fumes are well up the road to the A's ... or the Perdition of Perpetual Relegation.
Was that the bell for the last lap? I almost couldn't hear it. Time to get humping and drop these guys. Or end up in Relegation Perdition forever ...
Here I am above in a close-up not seen in the photo on top. I'm working on my aero position as you can see. Now if I could just get these ears tucked in I'd be good to go!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Yeah little Katie Pennington hated the rebellious side of the donut toting bike rider, and probably wanted him to stay after school and do hard time in detention - but deep down she really wanted to stroke his Cat 5 Tour De West Side Trophy.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A quick post and tribute to the best thing about the Giro, other than the tiny guys riding straight up goat paths - yeah that's right, the Podium Girls.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Yeah, this is pretty much what happened to our Cupcake last night ... yup, that road will take a bite out ya.
Well you knew clean living and clean riding at Grattan are two things in life that just aren't going to last long. Up until last night's race things had been going pretty good. But I guess the novelty of riding in a straight line and not killing each other for cookie primes finally wore off and the silly weaving in-and-out crap had to start. Super-unfortunately one the first victim of this shitty-riding binge was our own Cupcake (Laura Melendez) who got a bite taken out of her hide on the paved straightaway with just 3-to-go. Also taken out was Brian Curtis, who was at the end of the buffet line of stupid on two-wheels. Brian probably got the worst of, Cupcake a little road rash and rung bell, but nothing too serious. If you know them, give them a call, I'm sure they would appreciate it.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
With a race schedule more overloaded than my dinner plate, races are strew far and wide this weekend. Some of you are going to someplace I think called Goshen Illinoise, or Indiana, or Iowa, while others will be doing Mud Beers and Gears, while other, like myself will be trekking down to Cone Azalia, which calls for driving over 6 hours there and back to likely flat within minutes of hitting the first pothole and then go drink beer in the parking lot until everybody finishes. Depending on your preference for tire size, I may never see any of you again until the fall.
Between races I plan on running down to Louisville for another kind of race that's down with horses, not bicycles. Here's my outfit and some of my new friends that will be going with me for the running of Roses, Hoe'ses. Hey, does that big hat come in carbon?
Recently though, I've had more requests to start up the dirt road rides again. Any takers? You mean you're sick of what you're doing already? I don't believe it ... well good luck to all of you, and drop a line on your race experience back here when you get back. Remember look out for the dunderheads driving those chase vehicles. Just because you survived the opening bell at Grattan doesn't mean you're invincible. Here's how not to get treatment from the medical car.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Hard to believe that it's time for the regularly scheduled race series to begin at Grattan. Looks like it may be warmer than previous years, though the wind seems to be howlin' out there right now. While some funny Bastards have been posting about medical supplies and bandages, I think we don't have to worry with the excellent staff that have been signed on to handle this year's racing.
All kidding aside - be safe, watch out for the other guy, and remember it's A TRAINING RACE and that cookie primes are worth turning your bike (or your bones) into a pile of carbon fiber toothpicks.
Good luck and be safe!