IT'S A BIKE FRIENDLY CITY - JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON'T RIDE A BIKE TO SCHOOL OR ANYWHERE ELSE
We'll you've all seen it, and if you're a Rapid Wheelmen-type-person you've probably left a bunch of snarky comments all over the internets, using your Smart Phone while you were waiting for your turn at the Time Trial, about the recent "The Great Kenowa Hills Senior Ride to School Debacle™" that just went down this past week in some place called Kenowa Hills of all places. It was everywhere from ABC News, Huffington Post, to Bike Snob NYC, to a whole week of Principal Apologist-She-Didn't-Really Screw-This Up Radio Reports™ on WOOD Radio.
You didn't miss this did you? It made national news - good going West Michigan! And about that Most Bike Friendly City in the Galaxy award ... yeah I never believed that for a minute. I ride here practically everyday.
Here's a little run down of the story, in case you did miss it:
The last day of senior year is apparently so closely tied with malicious pranks that school officials in Walker, Mich., have suspended more than 60 students over a three-mile bike ride they organized to the school -- a ride coordinated with the police department and the mayor no less -- that they say wasn't even a prank.
The local news outlet also released cell phone video of school principal Katie Pennington telling the students to "Get your butts home." In the video, she also informs them they will not be allowed to participate in the school's senior walk, an annual ritual where students go through the halls to say goodbye to their teachers and younger classmates.
While the photo of the Seniors bike riders (way above) looked pretty tame, from Ms. Pennington's assessment and rant I'm guessing this is what those bad boy bikers looked like to her.
Yeah little Katie Pennington hated the rebellious side of the donut toting bike rider, and probably wanted him to stay after school and do hard time in detention - but deep down she really wanted to stroke his Cat 5 Tour De West Side Trophy.
Where these misguided youths really went wrong was trying to break with traditional last day of school "pranks." At my high school some of the senior day pranks stretched into life sentences. Here's what my classmates look like today.
When it comes to Senior day pranks you need to stick, and I mean stick, with the basics.
Take some of this ...
And mix with these things ...
It's a heck of a lot more fun than organizing a legal bike ride with the mayor and the police, isn't it? And if you don't get caught with the Super Glue stuck to the ass of your jeans you probably won't get suspended. Suuuuuuckers!
Or why do something healthy like bike riding at all? Why not do what they used to do back in my high school, which was go out and get drunk on the last day of school. I'm sure a lot of kids still do it, and with much the same results. Here's a shot of Valedictorian Shirley Smart. Apparently Shirley wasn't as smart about chemistry as we all thought.
"Was that the last bell before Chemistry? Screw it I think I'll just be the next Madonna, Lady Gaga or better yet Amy Winehouse, or even Janis Joplin, whoever in the fuck she is ..."
And instead of a bunch of bicycles, here's what the kids should have been piling up. At least they could have taken them back for the deposit and started putting money down on a worthless college education and student loan they'd never pay off.
If they had drank the day away I'm sure it would have ended with the same way it always does. Now this is a Senior day to remember. Or not to remember.
BIKE SNOB RECOGNIZES THE GREAT KENOWA HILLS SENIOR RIDE YOUR BIKE TO SCHOOL DEBACLE ™
Bike Snob even noticed what a bunch of bike hating dorks we are ... ooops.
The unkindest, and funniest cut of all was the posting by Bike Snob, just yesterday. Yeah ABC News, The Huffington-Puffington Post be damned when you're a cyclist and your city makes waves and gets laughs on the Snob's blog you've made it - or failed miserably. Visit Snob's blog and read the whole thing ... this little excerpt says it all though ...
"Yes, even the support of the police and the mayor wasn't enough to absolve these kids from the mortal American sin of slowing down motor vehicle traffic in an uptight suburb of a place that barely qualifies as a city:"
I guess we've finally made the big time when it comes to being bike friendly - or even a city. Well done!