Wednesday, May 30, 2012


This is the plan of attack for tonight at Grattan. In front, Big Mac swaddled in black leather and massive wattage, and me swaddled in wet diapers a snotty nose and not enough strength to knock out a good poo. (Photo picked from Claire Pip Gregson's Facebook page today).

There's more than one way to suck your way into the A's – other than a lot of whining, and crying – and FYI I can do both pretty well if I put my mind and shameless character to the job. After to listening to the all the sobbing, pissing and moaning about being moved up to the A's this season (and without just riding away from the pack while eating a sandwich to prove the point) like it was the podium of the Tour De Something Else, well I've just about had it listening to all degrees of entitlement and overestimation of skill and athleticism. I mean just because you can afford a carbon fiber bike doesn't me you should be allowed to race it.

This is the new Grattan Raceway offficial B Race I Wanna Move Up Slogan™. Maybe I should listen to it myself, and not just about A-shit.

Tonight we unleash hell-on-two wheels in the form of the strange formation of attack and destruction pictured at the top of the page. (Unless of course it rains and then I will chicken out and post up yet another DNS in what amounts to my suckiest road season yet).

Hell nobody looks where they're going in the B sprints anyway, so why not make a full day of it on the track with this insane aero-ass set-up? It's perfect set up for the go-at-the-gun breakaway, don't you think? Add a two-stroke engine and I'd say the cookies are all yours.

I'm thinking, if you can ride f-ing aero-bars in the B's as was accomplished last week, why not a gas engine and a little tow bar? I mean, who will notice? When you hear the backfire I suggest you pull over and hold your breath until the exhaust fumes are well up the road to the A's ... or the Perdition of Perpetual Relegation.

Was that the bell for the last lap? I almost couldn't hear it. Time to get humping and drop these guys. Or end up in Relegation Perdition forever ...

Here I am above in a close-up not seen in the photo on top. I'm working on my aero position as you can see. Now if I could just get these ears tucked in I'd be good to go!

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