Wednesday, June 8, 2011


Yeah, the only One on the Planet. And for good reason. They taste like crap.

Are Moon Pies performance enhancing drugs for cyclists? Sounds like email spam bullshit doesn't it? Yet could it be that Moon Pies are really performance enhancers? Just last week, at Grattan of all places, I saw some high-performance racers, who either knew something I didn't, or should have known better, gobbling Moon Pies. If you don't believe me, well, here's some proof.

Who could be eating those Moon Pies right after a hot race?

Maybe this Crazy Bastard. Yeah, kids it's Slayer. Make sure your doors are locked.

These people are discerning gourmets.Yeah they know good food. And they know how to make those bicycles go fast too. What would they think about Moon Pies?

To see if the Moon Pie Performance theory (I forget what that theory is right now) had any validity at all I had some people, people who know something about food and cycling performance, try Moon Pies. I  recorded their reactions in a very unscientific manner. 

Sure enough, just the mention of a Moon Pie made them look like this.

So then I tried Moon Pies out on a not-so-discerning subject. Yeah, this Bitch will eat anything. My dog is part goat. But she can mountain bike like a monster.

So Betty, what did you think of the Moon Pie?

This is my dog vomiting all over the Grandpa Van. Disgusting. And disturbing. Thanks Betty! Thanks Moon Pie!

Just to be sure about Moon Pies, I thought,  like Dr. Jekyl before he turned into Mr. Hyde, that I better try one out on myself. Just one bite was all it would take ...

Just what I thought: It taste like spun fiberglass wrapped with dried tar with just a hint of dog-shit.

As soon as I quit puking I'm going to pin a number on and head out to Grattan. See you Bastards there.


  1. Thanks for the laugh Marc~ Poor Betty...

  2. Is that a Betty Cocker?