Crazy Bastards Cross: THE MONEY SHOT: SWAMP THAING DOS

The Money Shot. JB grabs the bill, Adam McIntyre grabs the shot of the year. We'll show you how you catch such a fantastic shot later in today's program, er, blog.

It was great weather, great racing and stinking beer-belches all day long at what could be the final Swamp Thing of all time. Rumor has it that they are going to build an Alien Landing Pad (see Alien Posts here) or building some condo's for smelly college students to have sex willy-nilly in, with state sponsored birth control devices thank goodness, right here sometime during the next hundred years. So the course will be no more and kids, not free-range bunnies will be humping away where cross racers are picking dollar bills out of nearly-empty Pabst cans. So there's a real cultural loss - I guess. With the state of the economy I wouldn't hold my breath on, and I think the bums, flora and fauna that abound on the Red Cedar Course are safe for now. On Sunday the course was in great shape, and was mowed down to the nub, and the bumps were a little less jarring thanks to some water in the ground.

The Usual Suspects x 2: It takes two, apparently to ride Adam McIntyre's Big Boy Bike. Adrienne O’Day and Susan Shaw have to team up to make the Giant Ridley a go-go.

A host of the usual suspects from East and West showed up for a nice relaxing day of racing at Swamp Thing II, and were all out drinking, cheering and heckling our favorites, and not so favorites around the course.

Talk about Usual Suspects. Don Cameron leans on his weapon and thinks to himself, "Who's next and where do you want it?"

Queen Anne in hot pursuit of another victory in the Women's Elite. In the Single Speed race she was in pursuit of something else. What was it, and what did it look like?

What Anne was chasing looked kinda of like this. Note to self: never buy a white skinsuit.

If there had been an announcer at Swamp Thaing Dos, he would have been screaming himself hoarse calling the battle between Queen Anne and the Uno Blanco Sausage. What a fight! What a stuffed casing!

Yeah the SS race it was like watching somebody dangle a Giant Single Speed White Sausage in front of the Queen for the entire un-gawdly 40-minute of that horror-show. No one seemed to care that Mike Seaman was literally ripping the "gear" off his bike to stay in front of Patrick. no, we were mesmerized with the White Sausage of Single Speeding - whoever in the hell that guy was.. Anne got close enough to put some mustard on the WSoSS but couldn't eat the whole thing.

Speaking of chasing the casing, Cupcake had a great race. Here she is spell checking "Surrender the Booty" on Susan Shaw's kit.

After a couple of podiums the McIntyre's relax and heckle their new ex-friends. Flying Rhino, Paul is obscured by the sunshine.

Better shot of Paul as he refuels right after his race.

I love racing on golf courses. So smooth. So pro. Hey, who the hell is this guy? And when's my Tee-Time?

No hotdogs here, mister. Jan shows some sinewy leg muscles while we sat drinking some delicious Pabst Blue Ribbon beers, watching hime work making our plans for the money shot trap.

And more Usual Suspects.

These are the "Usual" Usual Suspects you'll find trashing themselves at every Swamp Thaing race. Well done guys, let us know when you get work-release, you need to cut some new course.

NOW, BACK TO GETTING THE MONEY SHOT

If you want to get the perfect "Money Shot," you need to bait the trap correctly. Here I am doing the best work I did all day.

Here's the trap, set perfectly. Make sure you leave some ballast at the bottom so the can doesn't blow over, or tip too early. A little beer, a little spit will do, thank you.

Here's the run in to the trap. Set it and just wait for the fool(s) to make the grab. Now, the next thing you need to do is get a top-notch photographer ... here were our choices:

The Technician. Psycho for details.

His shots are wonderful, but he's slow and old like me. And that "Can you hold that for a minute ..." just doesn't work during a race.

The Artist: "work for me baby."

There's a lot of emotion, hot chicks and bullshit in everything he does. He's seen Blow-up 100-times, and the Eyes of Laura Mars 500-times. We like him by but we didn't have enough beer and JB hadn't shaved his legs real "smooth" for the race that day.

Ready-for-anything shooter. Let's fill the Hurt Locker with beer today, okay?

This guy can always get the shot, and he was dressed about right - especially for the way that JB was driving the bike that day - plus he had the helmet in the "on" position which we heard was a requirement at Swamp Thaing races now. Unfortunately he had UCI World Champ Stripes on his underwear and got DQd.