Crazy Bastards Cross: ICE MAN 2012: RISE OF THE PROMOSAPIEN

Welcome to ICEMAN 2012 - I can see you but you can't see me! Can You?

This weekend I will be offering almost live coverage of ICEMAN 2012, which you can file right along with all those almost live feeds of your friends' ICEMAN racing data that you'll be getting annoyed with on Face Book all day tomorrow. So far I must say day one has been an eye opening experience. It's is really showing me how we humans have evolved over eons; starting as gooey microbes, becoming homosapiens, and now reaching our final destination as PROMOSAPIENS- that is an upright, walking organism that is in a constant state of promoting and selling stuff.

The tip-off that we are living in the age of the Promosapien hit me in the parking lot outside the Expo Center at the Grand Traverse Hotel. This Promosapien-vehicle made the trip all the way from Japan, I think. Isn't that where they grow 4G?

Everywhere you turned there was another promosapien concept at work - here a little guy is trying to crawl in the window of the CLIF Bar truck and get one of those amazing ENLARGING CLIF BARS I've heard so little about.

I love Promosapien vehicles that tell you what you could be, if only you did something, like cycle!

On closer inspection I could see it was just our old Cyclocross friends, those damn racing Greyhounds. Those guys are already fit, you think they need to talk about it so much?

Bike companies were also on hand to do battle Promosapien style. Like this Scott Bike Sprinter Van ....

...which will no doubt be fighting it out with this heavy-weight Specialized truck later on in the day. It will probably be like a Transformer battle, I'll bet.

What's it all about Alfie? Promosapienism, that's what. Here are boxes of stuff that will suck in any logo and adhere to it. What it is, isn't exactly clear, but all it needs is a logo to come to life.

Like these ICEMAN Jersey's! Yeah if you didn't bring a kit, you can buy one right in the hotel expo center. At least you'll know what race you're in!

Stuff, stuff, stuff and more stuff. Stuff is the word for it.

Inside the Expo there's better stuff, like Soigneur embrocation and chamois creme. Stephanie will be there representing the brand - nice hat!

You can ride more with Soigneur, but do you know how to pronounce it correctly?

Soigneur chief, Dan Socie figured that since this race is all about mountain bikers, and not cyclocross or roadies, he might be better served to offer the name of the product phonetically. Genius Dan!

Speaking of soothing the pain in my ass when I ride, who should I see but my favorite cross announcer, who gave me such a good heckling at Lake O last week, and Mr. Specialized himself, Dave Massey! Nice job on the sand last week by the way, Dave.

More friends with good stuff showing that Promosapienism isn't all bad, Dennis selling out the Hell Yes fine riding wearables - that's clothing for you mountain bikers out there.

Making at hit at the entrance were Kim and Kim introducing the maddening crowds to next year's Gran Fondo in Grand Rapids. More about this event later.

We also ran into some nice people, like Kurt and Noel Potocki. Kurt made the purchase of the show. I'll be sneaking into their room later to steal these ...

That's right, valuable an practically unobtainable Cross Crusade socks!

If you don't believe me all you have to do is take Kurt's shoes off and read it!

While sitting around drinking Starbucks Coffee and tapping away on the machine I started to notice some other strange happenings in addition to the Promosapien thing. Watching people taking their bikes up to their rooms was a little disturbing, I thought.