THURSDAY RIDE REPORT AND MAKING SAUSAGE

Yo' bro' it's just how we roll. Like matchin' sweaters, bro'.

Thursday's night ride proved once again that we're just one short downshift from truly being a gang and not a club. Like any self-respecting gang we stick with our homies, which was the case Thursday night (beautiful night by the way, once again) where we all settled into a series of groups of our liking.

Terry B makes a rare appearance at the Crazy Bastard Ride. Hello Terry. Goodbye Terry.

"You want a picture of an old has-been?" Terry said as I snapped the above photo. Really, Terry, I was thinking, don't sell yourself short - you're an incredible old has-been. Just kidding. Terry tore off with Dave H, Dan K, Slayer and others right after the start for, what I hear was a sausage making night of a ride. But more on that later.

Bob H was feeling out of focus on Thursday, as you can see here.

Not only was he out of focus, he was almost out of sight. This is what Bob looked like to our group almost all night long. Come back Bob! Come back!

Lovely Laura K rubbing her hands together in anticipation of an epic sausage making ride. No, she wasn't, was she?

Killer Kubiak broke out the Stinky Pinky for its first Crazy Bastard Ride. My, it is rather pink, isn't it?

Jurrien starts laying on the layers. Ever wonder why we call him the "Ethiopian Bastard?"

Being the best dressed man in cyclocross isn't easy. Jurrien carefully lays on layer after layer of the latest in HUP fashion. The foundation here seems to be a strapped gown and fingerless evening gown gloves.

Above those full length glove - a glimpse of some rockin' ink. What no "My Heart Belongs to HUP?

But once he's together, well he's together. You go, you Noir Hupstermeister!

Steve B, on his new whip, and CD rolling away from me as fast as they can.

There were people everywhere on Thursday night. Most of them were pedaling for their lives as I approached them, wobbling to-and-fro trying to snap pics with no hands, and steering with my feet. Yeah it was scary folks.

Larry (aka Big Kahuna) hears the shutter clicking and sprints away.

I stood on the seat with one foot, and steered with the other foot, to get this shot of the pink train.

Steve B giving the Okay Go sign. Yeah he likes that new cross bike, that's for sure.

THE SAUSAGE MAKING SECTION OF THE RIDE WE DIDN'T SEE (THURSDAY)

This cartoon has nothing to do with politics, so ignore the underlying message here, we don't do politics, religion or cookie making recipes (sorry BK). The above cartoon is only here to make the point that there are two things you never want to see in life: politics in action, and making sausage. From what I understand the goings-on in the lead pack on Thursday were a lot like both - that is to say it was pretty disgusting.

Yum. I just threw-up in my mouth.

This is pretty disgusting looking isn't it? Well this is what you'll look like if you keep rolling through stop signs without looking. From what I understand the practice of rolling through stops "is to get any advantage I/you can!" Really? What the fuck, is this a Cat 5 race without numbers and safety pins? Did you pay $10 extra for a day license? Did you really tighten your shoe ratchets before the sprint? Was there anything (like dried boogers) under your fingernails before you started squeezing that sausage? We'll never know, will we.

Hey, here's your lead-out big boy. Long enough for you?

This part of the sausage making process (pretty isn't it?) represents the part of the ride Thursday (by the front group only) where team members (not Crazy Bastard Gang members thank goodness) were bitching and dropping F bombs on each other for providing "improper lead outs." Again WTF!!!!! When did drinking beer in a parking lot turn in the TdF? I think the sausage being squeezed out like a big long turd says it all.

THURSDAY NIGHT RIDE HECKLEMANIA QUIZ

I don't know how long I can keep yelling into this thing, but here's today's Hecklemania Quiz.

Which Heckle was NOT heard on Thursday Night's Ride:

a) I'm glad I don't have to watch what's going on up there with those douchebags in the front group. It would be like watching sausage being made. I'd puke, for sure.

b) What the fuck kinda of lead-out was that, bitch? What do you think I'm (the team) paying your sorry ass for? Did you forget to take your EPO today or what?

c) I just got home from the coast and I haven't seen my wife for two weeks. So I thought I'd go for a ride. Good idea?

d) Let's wait for the other group to catch up. They are only a few yards back. Why let them dangle in the wind when we can all ride together?

e) What the hell is Bob doing?

Answer:

D - yeah nobody was thinking. Period. But it was still a great night of riding, none-the-less.

HERE'S FIRST PRIZE FOR WINNING THE HECKLEMANIA QUIZ!!!!!!!!!

Hope everyone has fun on the Colorburst tomorrow. Maybe they'll have some breakfast sausage for you. Some of us are on our way to the BIG BAD WOLD cyclocross race in Midland on Sunday - should be interesting, and there may be some Brats in the bargain. So far every cross race this year has featured a ride through a ball diamond and some Brats. We'll have a report on returning.