RIDE TONIGHT: NOTHING LIKE A NEW BIKE

I'm planning on a 6 p.m. roll-out tonight from Townsend, if any of you Bastards have recovered from your DALMAC (sp?) induced and inspired pneumonia and rot by now.

While you have may suffered the tortures of the damned on your arduous road trip, let me assure that I have suffered also. After last Thursday's New Epic Mud Ride, my new whip was totally destroyed by the ravages of some corrosive material in the mud that not only completely destroyed my drive train and dissolved the alloy tubing, it also washed off my spray-on tan - a tan that made me look pretty damn pro in road cycling circles. So I've replaced my training bike with the beauty pictured below. I think it's the tool for the job, don't you?

A tool it is! Just take a look at those bars! Standing on the peddles and grabbing these bad-boys will certainly give me that totally rockin' Ape-Man look, ya think?

Slamming into potholes a problem? Not anymore, not with this spacious and comfy seat!

My only problem (s) with the new whip:

a) How do I get in the grandpa van without folding the bars down or leaving the rear door open?

b) How the fuck do I get over barriers with this pig?

c) How dense of a headphone set do I need to wear to keep from hearing all the laughing?

Weather looks great tonight. Will try to conncoct a route to stay out of the wind if it's still whipping around by then. With my high-rise ape-hangers my wind resistance is going to be pretty bad.