PUT SOME FUN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS TONIGHT ON THE TUESDAY NIGHT CRAZY BASTARD RIDE

(Looks like she's read for tonight's ride)

Beautiful weather - should be a great night for a ride, and as they say nowhere-but-here, it's an excellent evening to put some fun between your legs! The ride should roll out from Townsend at approximately 6 pm. I guess we'll go south, counter clockwise, so if late joiners want to join in, they can take the North route and meet us in the middle.

POSSIBLE SUBSTITUTE RIDE LEADER FOR TONIGHT

(This ride leader doesn't speak English and gives route directions with his face and tongue. )

 Actually due to circumstances beyond my control, I may not make it tonight. Then again I might. If I don't make I have picked a somewhat capable ride leader as a replacement tonight. If he pops off the front a few times, don't worry, he's about 156 minutes down on the CG. If he doesn't show, draw straws, but try stick with the south, north, south loop - I may be late and coming the other way myself. Okay, you've been warned.

BIG MAC INJURED? SAY IT AIN'T SO ADAM!

(Nurse Sprocket is ready to pump you up and bring you back to wellness, Adam)

Yes Adam McIntyre may or may not have injured himself in a training exercise last night. We're not sure exactly how it happened. We're waiting for an edited, full-length, fully orchestrated, on-board camera video to see exactly what went down. All we know for sure is that Adam is having a hard time sitting down today. Hey, remember pal, we told you not to go down to the basement!

WHAT I WILL BE DOING LATER IF I DON'T MAKE IT OUT TO THE RIDE

(Stop me before I glue again.)

If I don't make it tonight I will probably go out to the Crazy Bastard Cave and continue gluing up sets of wheels for cross season so I am prepared for any weather, season, surface type or temperature. I almost have enough wheels for the first race of  the season. Think that's enough for an 70 year old Cat 5 racer?

WHAT I WILL DO IF I FINISH GLUING OR RUN OUT OF GLUE

(The best entertainment on TV - ever!)

If I can't ride, and I can't glue, then I will watch my new favorite program, BULLET IN THE FACE, on  IFC. I  think they should be one of our sponsors - that logo would look great on a Crazy Bastard's jersey, don't you? Get a taste of the action below.

ELIMINATE THE CRYING, DO A CROSS CLINIC!

This was the classic, "there's no crying in baseball, cycling,  and so on and so forth." It all started with Tom Hanks. Too bad it didn't stop here.

I guess this Mountain Biker didn't see a League of Their Own. He was too busy living in his Altitude Tent. Too bad it didn't pay off for him. You know crying because you won and achieved the goal of finally doing something with your miserable worthless life is bad enough, but crying because you lost, well, you just suck you freakin' loser.

Watch more video of Bay State Cyclocross 2011 on cyclingdirt.org

After seeing the Mountain Biker sobbing his ass off, I said, well at least I haven't seen any cyclocross racers crying at the finish . And then I remembered Adam Myerson's breakdown last year. Of course you can't say that Adam was weeping over the loss - it's more like he's crying over the inner-torment that's Adam Myerson. What's going on under that Lazer, yeah you wouldn't want to know, is my thought. He too much of a sport to give a fuck about "just losing," there's got to be some Myerson Angst going on. Love this guy, but glad I'm not him.

Have I ever cried over a bike race? You bet your ass and it sounded worse than this! Of course it wasn't over winning or losing, it was over having my shoulder wrenched out of the socket and the bone at the top of humorous splintered like a piece celery. Actually I didn't start crying until they tried to snooker it back in. But let me tell you, I wasn't dignified in the least.

IT'S CYCLOCROSS CLINIC & PRACTICE TIME KIDS! LETS GET HOPPING HOPING FOR A BETTER CROSS SKILLZ!

Clinic time is here, and it's time to get learning. Kim Thomas has already been out to the East Coast for her yearly Cycle-Smart Clinic with Adam Myerson, and I hear she's doing just fine.

Kim Thomas (back to the camera) at the Cycle Smart Camp a couple of weeks ago in some place called New England,  listening to Adam Myerson talk about 'cross skillz and how to obtain.

Adam showing some amazing skillz riding on a extreme off-camber in the sand. Everybody is waiting for him to fall. Bastards.

Kim Thomas watches closely (on the left), and enthusiastically, as Adam pushes his mad-skillz to the limit, using the one leg-push over the f*ing sand berm technique to get out of sight before falling over.

What isn't shown in these photos of the Cycle Smart Camp (cross clinic) is the part where Myerson taught the campers how to do Pai Mei’s Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. I know how to do the Exploding Heart Technique already - I practiced it every year on the run-up at Ann Arbor's Vet's Park. If you think it would come in handy for your next cross race, here's the video. Adam put a blond wig on for this demonstration. I don't know why. While Adam says the Step-Through is dead, the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique will never die ...

But this isn't the end of cross clinic fever in 2012. There's lots more on tap, with some clinics offered by other pro's you've learned to love, and laugh at ... take for instance current cross National Champ and star of Behind the Barriers, Jeremy Powers Cyclocross Camps.

Don't worry about the date. Start looking around, there are more JPow clinics out there.

It seems, lately you can't swing a dead cat or a flat tubular around your head without hitting a cyclocross clinic. J-Pow (Jeremy Powers, National Champion, to you) is hosting a number of clinics. In an interview I just did with J-Pow (Jeremy Powers, National Champion, to you), J-Pow said they will be working with people on course, at races, showing the lines and techniques he'll be using to kick everybody's ass. If you want to see a national list, of the top cross clinics today, just go here for a complete listing provided by Cyclocross Magazine, online.

Here's that crazy bunny-hopping J-Pow, showing off at his clinic. Take a look. If I do the clinic can I ride like him? Hell no ... but it's a nice thought.

Here in Michigan there are a few cross clinics to choose from. My favorite, one I do every year just to see if there are any tips to pass on to those entering the sport in our own backyard, is the clinic put on by the good folks at Kinetic Systems, and Tailwind Enterprises, the people that put on those great races all season long on the east side. Let's face it, that's where all the experience is - if you want to learn how to do it right, or at least get started, these are the people to need to listen to.

Need more info or want to talk to somebody directly? Try visiting this site for a start. Looks like this is just around the corner, so make plans now!

Well even closer to home, you can also get some help if your 'cross skillz are suffering. I saw this one, but don't have a lot of information. Call Velo City for more info.

I'm not sure about the "carry" being show above in this clinic flyer, but I don't have a lot of room to talk about technique, as you'll soon see ...

If you want to get really close to home, and see how it's done right here in West Michigan, well let's take a look at what you can learn.

This beautiful photo project by Julie McGraw shows us the classic "Farmer" dismount, carry, and rip through the tape technique of Nate Versluis. Think this is a one off incident? Nope, I've seen Nate do this a few times. I love how his family is calmly watching and pretending they aren't scared to death and ready to jump out of the way.

I've even fashioned some of my own "dismount and carry" techniques by watching the "Farmer-Way" one too many times, apparently. Here's a taste of 'cross style gone-wrong:

This is for the Not-The-F*ing-Way-To-Do-It file. Actually I was counting the spokes, wondering if I had the 32-spoke wheel instead of the 24-spoke wheels, and if those 8 extra spokes were the reason I was going so slow. Actually here is where Nate and I learned the one-handed platter carry.

Now that's style. Just pretend the platter is a cross bike, the chair is the barrier, and the skates are carbon fiber cycling shoes.

For our next Crazy Bastard practice on Wednesday we're going to throw in a new twist. It's our version of the the step-through dismount. 

Yeah, that's how the step-through ends. Thanks again for the demonstration, Stephanie Stepthrough, we love you, we really do.

This week we are going to be working on remounts, which will be coached by Ruff The Remount Dog. Here's Ruff is showing you the "I'm Really Tired Remount Technique." I think I'll be using a lot of this.

So that's all for clinics and practices for right now - though I might go out for a little practice this evening since I have turned my TT bike into a pile of parts for the cross season. But remember this ...

If you're wondering where the Step-Through went when it died, here's a clue, brought to you by one of our favorite cyclists on dirt, Sweet William. Will, show us where it's at, will 'ya? Yeah, it's right down in the basement - and Will, I don't want to go down there ...

http://undergroundvelo.tumblr.com/

MUDDY BUDDIES - BASTARDS RIDING IN THE RAIN REPORT

(Soaking wet, muddy, and shaking. But not a bad ride. Well maybe.)

Small ride with just four Bastards: BK Dave, Big Mac, Mike aka McLovin', and myself. Moderate pace until the rain started coming down hard and then it picked up. Imagine that. 

(Adam was so glad he wore the white kit and left his rain cape in the car.)

(McLovin' shows of his skunk stripe as he skee-daddles for home.)

FNG Mike, McLovin' from the Speed Merchant Team decided to bring his brand new whip out for a dirT road ride because he didn't want to get it dirty on the trail. Good thinking McLovin'! Hey at least that kit didn't show the mud!

(While I remembered to pack a rain jacket, I forgot my hat. I'm having one knitted like this one. Finally something that will fit my ears! My cap will be red, this is obviously a dog from the Priority Team.)

We rolled for about almost 2hrs (?), not really sure because when the rain starts whacking you, the clock goes all Dali on me. It looks kinda of like this.

(This is what my GPS/Garmin looks like when wet. Think I got a knock-off?)

Another week down, and still in one piece. Good luck to everyone riding and racing in this weekends EGR - one of my favorite Crit course, enjoy!

IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE: CRAZY BASTARD TUESDAY NIGHT RIDE REPORT

Back in the lot at the end of the ride Tuesday night, Big Mac asks Etho-Bastard why his tires are so f*&%cking fat. Actually those are my words, not Mac's.

Great ride on Tuesday, wish I had more photos of the adventure. I believe we had a dozen Bastards on the roll - Aaron, Scott W, BK Dave, Cupcake, Kim T, Jeff Z, Ryan Allen, Tony, and a few more, sorry I can't remember your name but I was just kicked in the head by a horse about an hour ago ... when  my brain grows back I'll post everybody, promise.

Heeeeee's back. Yeah The Killer Chihauhau is back and running better and faster than ever. While Mac lead that little Bastard out, I knew he'd eventually hook back and attack the rest of the pack. He's almost taken me out once this year, so I was keep my eyes peeled for him as we rolled around the lake. Imagine my surprise when I saw this standing in the road ahead ...

Seems we caught Killer while he was harassing some of the fish in the pond. So if he chases fish, and then bikes, and then running, would that make him a Tri-Chichauthalete?

Not only he that, but it seems that he has a protege ready to step into his paw prints - and to keep on harassing our rides for years to come. Yeah, like I'm going to live that long.

The Next-Generation of Killer Chihauhau. This is his warm-up gear. He's still riding the bench.

For those of you that don't remember Killer, here's and Dr. Adam Mac Video to refresh your memory, yeah it's a Crazy Bastard Classic, from the Crazy Bastard Video Vault.

DOWNHILL SPRINT WARNING!

(Race you! First guy to the bottom is dead, okay?)

Yeah, we had a little rubbing on some downhill sprints on Tuesday, which is going to come to screeching f*cking halt damn quick. Listen, there are only two kind of people that win downhill sprints - big people, and people with really nice, fast hubs, that are big. Oh yeah, and total dumb asses. That's three I guess, so just try to imagine which one is you. It's okay to bomb hills, for the fun of it, but leave room, don't come close to anybody if you're flying by, and remember, there are no medals for winning something this stupid. The only thing you're likely to get if you pull a is a trip in the back of the Grandpa Van if you F'it up, with me chewing you meatball bloody ass all the way to the ER. Sound like fun?

Now if I were going to get competitive in the Downhill Sprint on Dirt Road Olympics, this is the shit I'd be rocking! Yeah baby, let me load up on donuts and beer, put an orange mushroom on my head, and let my Fat Ass Goooooooo!

Planning on riding Thursday Night. We should roll at 6. If you're late there might be a group rolling in the opposite direction at 6:30, so you could hook up with them and meet us halfway. 

FIRST CYCLOCROSS PRACTICE OF THE YEAR - A VISIT TO RED CEDAR CYCLOCROSS COURSE IN LANSING

A few of us made a quick trip yesterday (Sunday) to the Red Cedar Cyclocross Course in Lansing and met up with course designers and workers.

Sarah McIntyre, JB Hancock, Adam Big Mac McIntyre, the good folks from Stomach of Anger, Robert Falik, and Michael Babcok (above), and me, not pictured behind the camera.  We were there for a few fun laps, and they were there to work on the course. Sorry we didn't help with the work part of it guys, but we're just kind of worthless, except for the playing on cyclocross bikes.

Big improvements and additions to the course are well underway. This Course is The SWAMP THING course, and part of Stomach of Anger Series, and will be the venue for two races this year, and possibly a lot of practice and practice races in the pre-season. 

JB drove down from Alma to blast the course with us. JB was rocking his new ITHACA jersey. Do I have one yet? No way, only winner get one. The ITHACA GRAND PRIX OF CYCLOCROSS is the first real race on the calendar this year, so make sure you're registered early and have all the crap you need to make it a season-opening party to remember. The Crazy Bastards are thinking about giving away a couple of registrations, but we have to think of a contest. Any ideas? How about who kills the biggest Varmit with their bike? It would be like a Bass Fishing Tournament .... I know who has the lead already.

JB and Sarah ready to get on course and start tearing it up. We were waiting for Adam to show up with complete pit gear, washer, tent and extra bikes. Sarah looking fashionable as always ....

Right down to the matching Belgy socks ...

You really going to wear those in the mud? Well that's what they're made for ... I guess.

Adam arrives and makes sure the brakes and rear wheel are attached to the bike. This looks like what happened to Sven Nys in the Olympic Mountain Bike race yesterday. If only Adam had been  there.

JB explaining something (again). Like this is a sidewalk, something, something. If you'll  remember this was  the exit from the barriers to the turn onto the finishing stretch. Looks different without people standing around with shots of Jager and Twinkies in their hands, doesn't it?

JB explaining something (again). This time I  think he's showing us how big the Varmit needs to be qualify from a free race registration at THE GRAND PRIX OF ITHACA. But register now, don't think you're just going to win one. If you do win, and you're registered, we'll work something out. (Yeah, right!)

While the Crazy Bastards played on their cross bikes, others worked to make the course even better. Last year's course is really smooth now, and with new sections added this is going to be Michigan's Number One Cyclocross venue. Nice work Michael! I think you and your Brush Goat should be featured on an upcoming STOMACH OF ANGER T-SHIRT design.

The Jens Voigt has a Posse, is just another of the latest and greatest Stomach of Anger Shirts you can order right now. I waiting for the Might Brush Goat shirt.

Big Mac, Adam McIntyre, ready to roll the Red Cedar course on Sunday. Mac has the front wheel of his Ridley on the pulse of the Michigan Cyclocross Scene.

If you have read any of Adam's recent Face Book posts, you'll note that a number (okay, one) of USAC officials have sworn off officiating Cyclocross Races this year because of my surly attitude at the line in 2011. While there's nothing I can do about the past and my demeanor when I'm getting ready to race, there is something I can do about the future. And that's find new officials. The guy below said he'd be happy to officiate, and put the date down to make sure he'd be there. He's also working with his employer about additional sponsorship. If it comes through we're going to be call the SWAMP THING, CYCLOCROSS PLASMA IN THE PARK! Yeah, those tracks on his arm aren't from a chainring.

Say it ain't so Joe (Lekovish)!

I'll bet you thought that was Joe Lekovish standing where registration usually is at this SOA race. Nope, this is your USAC official of the future, brought to you by me. He'll be at the Swamp Thing this year, making sure you stay on course. He'll know exactly what you're doing, especially back in the woods, because he actually lives there. The guy in the background will be handling the pits, and counting laps.

FYI this is the real Joe Lekovish (above), with a shave, though it might be "that guy."Who knows?

If Plasma donation is one of the new Swamp Thing sponsors, maybe we can have Plasma Primes?

If you want a refresher on how much fun this race was, here's a classic Adam McIntyre video from 2011. It's got it all - crashes, high speed chases, and brake grabs ... it also has one of the best matching audio tracks ever.

After the race we returned to Crazy Bastard Headquarters for that important after "cross-practice-workout" meal to restore and replenish our 'cross system to full power and capacity ...

I think Adam Myerson warned you about this two weeks ago ... red meat, Duvel, and lots of butter, and a T-shirt under your jersey. Anyway, I might not be faster, but I'll be able to donate more blood.

CYCLOCROSS SEASON IS ON THE WAY! RACES TO PUT ON YOUR CALENDAR NOW!

(Crazy Bastards Ride Late-Sumer & Fall of 2012)

So it starts. One too (two) many ambulances at the track, one too many hot days, the sand's too deep on single track (mountainbikers!) and people start asking ... "Hey you guys riding those Crazy Bastards ride yet/again/now/ever again? 

Well so far we haven't received any injunction against riding where we ride, so it shouldn't be long before we are back on the dirt roads again full time, though there have been rides already taking place on Tuesdays and Thursday's at a moderate pace - all we need to do now is avoid some obstacles.

As you ramp up your training, or ramp down your race, in expectation of the upcoming cross season, here are some races you'll want to keep on your Cross-Radar.

The Stomach of Anger Series is great new blood for Michigan Cyclocross. I love this series, and you should too. Great courses, and very racer friendly, classy promoters, with a full complement of categories for everybody and everyone check out their entire series.

One of the first races on the SOA schedule will be the Swamp Thing. They are tuning this course as we write this. In fact you can get involved in helping to craft The Swamp Thing into the best course in Michigan. Contact that promoters, and tell them you'll lend a hand. We might also be organizing some road-trips if you're interested in going for a little early-pre-season practice.

The other big favorite that will be leading us into the new season will be the return of THE ITHACA GRAND PRIX OF CYCLOCROSS on September 8th.

As always JB is loading on the sponsors and prizes for this event - from these sweet cycling caps, to sponsorship by Cyclocross Magazine - the race should be getting some good coverage on a National-Cyclocross level as a result.

Cyclocross Magazine: 2nd Place Sponsor!

Cyclocross Magazine is the official 2nd place sponsor of this year's GP!  In addition to providing the best all around 'cross coverage there is, check out http://cowbell.cxmagazine.com/ for more cyclocross chatter.  Michigan even has a group online!

Yes, there is an online group, and there is sometimes some good information to be had there about the Michigan 'Cross Scene. Check it out.

Here's a little video teaser of this year's upcoming Ithaca Grand Prix. Registration is now open, so why not sign-up now?

The Tailwind Series appears to be set, and is up, online. Looks like a lot new venues this year, and since they are taking into account the larger race dates, these should be very competitive this year ...

Kim Thomas in the sand at Stony Creek. Sadly, for me anyway, this Tailwind race isn't on the schedule this year. Too bad I really loved that 200 yards of deep beach sand. No, I really did. It sucked.

Mad Anthony is back and Madder than ever October 20, 2012

This race was a big discovery for me. I think it drew the largest crowds and fields in all of Michigan Cyclocross last year. The course was fabulous, as well as the setting on along the Detroit River.

There are certainly more races than this, and we'll post up additional news when we hear it, but start looking around at schedules and let us know what you're planning and what might be a good road trip. There's also opportunities to make it to Chicago, Cincy, and so on, so let us know.

After a hot dry summer, could it be that we'll have a wet and muddy season? Better make sure the bike washer is ready!


So now it's back into the garage to get all the gear ready, the tires glued, the cables cabled,  the tents dusted off, the cooler cleaned and new hoses on the bike washers. Oh yeah, and maybe do some riding and some skillz training. Next post on clinics and practice.