THE MUD, THE DUTCH, THE RIDE AND A STRIPPER CAR WASH

Last Night's ride was classic Crazy Bastard. Pissing rain, mud, and wind. 

The photo above isn't really that grainy - it's just the wet sand that got into everything. We had 9-Bastards braving the elements last night. L-R Casey, Dr. Phil, Dave, Michaccchael from the Netherlands, Aaron Beebe, Adam McIntyre, and Kim Lee.

A divine light? Or a spotlight from Hell. You decide.

While I don't really care to get a photo of myself in my own blog (I mean enough me already), in this case I stepped in and Dave took this shot. You will notice that a divine spark has illuminated me in this photo. I'm sending it in to the Vatican today ... I thinking a Tom Hanks movie is on the way.

Michaccchael, fresh in from the Netherlands rode with us last night. 

What a treat for our visiting friend! While I didn't get a good shot of him on the ride (you can see him in the group shot), this is just about what his face looked like when he wiped the mud off at the bar. Oh, and instead of the paint, there was a bucket of beer sitting in front of him.

Before we go any further, for translation purposes and correct pronunciation, Michaccchael's name sounds like a combination of Challah and Michael.

It's always fun to share our twisted version of American Culture with our European cousins. Michaccchael was rather surprised to discover those lumpy things we call "hills" which it appears that they don't have in Holland. "You guys just go up them without slowing down." The other thing that Michaccchael couldn't get his blond bangs around was the fact that we chose not to ride on pavement. Pavement it seems, is all the rage for riding in Holland. Just to be sure I looked it up on the "internets" to see if he was lying ...

Nope, sure enough Michaccchael wasn't kidding. The Netherlands is as flat as a pancake, no hills and nothing put pavement and tulips as far as the eye can see.

Upon further investigation I also discovered that a lot of Dutch biking and bikers looked like this.

Looks like way more fun than slogging through 20-miles of mud, a flat, and teeth full of grit, with a bunch of smelly, cursing Americans. Poor guy. What are you doing here anyway? And what kind of friends would drag you out on a shit night like this one to ride?

Another thing I discovered about Dutch cycling is how they roll in the rain - with bike umbrellas! 

How come we've never thought of this before? Because it would totally screw our Strava Kings and Stop Ahead, No I Can't Stop Sprinters, that's why. Michaccchael also asked how many times it rained like this in our strange fucking country. "Two, three times a year?" Yeah, he's never coming back here again.

If you don't believe me about the umbrella on a bike thing in the Netherlands, just watch this. It's all true! I wouldn't lie to you ... unless I had to.

Not all Dutch cyclists use an umbrella when they ride. We pointed out to Michaccchael that there are some Dutch cyclists that don't mind mud, hills or anything else for that matter ....

Marianne Vos. Some women have a closet full of shoes, she has a closet full of trophies and bike crap.

So we shared,with Michaccchael, our admiration for the greatest cyclist in the world today, Dutch cyclist, Marianne Vos. Here Vos pictured sitting among some of her winnings over the past week.

The Dirty Mudder Single Speed lived up to its name. Thankfully the only replacement part that might be required is a $10 single-speed chain.

Yeah, (above photo) was what was sitting in the back of the Grandpa van this morning. Along with some trashed bike kit, boots and helmet, all caked in white mud-poop. Thankfully there was a car wash with just the crew I was looking for - and they happened to be specializing in bikes today! Just ahead of me, in line, was good old Mario Cipollini . His bike didn't really look like it needed that thorough of a washin, but he got the deluxe wash anyway.

When they were done, this is what Mario looked like. Looks like they got it all ... now that's clean! Well except for the STDs on the saddle that is.