CYCLING FASHION RED CARPET: THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE BEAUTIFUL AND THE BEATEN

Time to show off the new kit. Yes it looks better than it did on the hanger. Thanks Cupcake!

It's that time of year, and according to Cupcake, featured above bringing the new Priority Health Kit to specatular Cupcake-life, there's nothing like the feel of new Lycra in the morning. I guess it's like Napalm is for Robert Duvall. Everybody is excited about their new kits, and the look of all those new logos that show that somebody (like a Dentist, Footwear Brand, or Bicycle Parts Maker) does love you, and wants you after all, even if your mother thinks you look like a clown in the goofy thing.

See how much better cycling kit looks on people instead of plastic hangers?

It took us some prodding, threats and finally downright bribery for Cupcake to model this year's Priority kit, but for others, well just look around Facebook, or the few cyclists now venturing out and looking for warmth in local coffee shop and you'll see plenty of new kit on display. I've collected a few samples off the "Internets" that I think show the fashion direction that this year's kits are taking. 

THIS JUST IN: Our new Bissell kits are featuring more black, which is a good thing, considering the stuff that flies up of the ground and attaches itself to you while you're riding. We are also all going to be rocking some new facial hair designs in the form of mustaches and goatees. 

If I didn't have a beautiful new team kit that matched my eyes (Red) I'd be wearing this stuff. I love Stomach of Anger gear, and I dig this photo. Also speaking of fashion, check out the black and white spectators (shoes) on the guy on the right. He supplies the "team medicine" I'll bet.

How about a black and white theme, accented with yellow shoes? Hey if you can't carry a purse to add color, use the shoes for that little dash.

If you're Tom Boonen's Sister, or even the popular Julie Whalen, you can rock your all black and blond look from clothes to cycle. Julie uses rims as her accessory color highlight.

How much basic black and blond can you take? I don't know if this a cycling team or that Sorority that only rushed blonds. And just what the hell kind of bike is that?

Let's hear it for the dirty-blond, Italian style. And hey, who says Heroin Chic is dead? Here's a lovely example of the Drugstore Cowgirl Cyclists looking, well, drugged or burnt out on too many esspressos. I can't tell, is she surrendering or making a turn signal?

If it's not black, it's white. Check these dudes out. Want to wear those in the rain? Hey, mister do you have a license to sell that hot dog?

More white with some strange bolts of power going on here and there – plus plenty of little, unreadable logos. His chest looks like some sort of table of elements. And he's looking down like he's ashamed of something. Don't tell me the bibs are white too!

If the boys are wearing white, I don't see why we can't. Races are going to look like an explosion at the French Laundry if this white-white-white trend keeps up. Here, instead of colorful handbags or yellow shoes, the accent is green bar tape. Really goes with the faint fade of Purple on the shoulders. Brilliant!

The ultimate white kit? Yeah he could ride in this thing all day long. Nobody could rock white quite like Larry.

"Zeep" from Matt Roy on Vimeo.

Here's a great video by Red Mill Cyclocrosser Mo Bruno Roy, in Belgium, a small dark country that's covered in mud. Mo shows you how to take care of your white kit. Take note boys and girls, 'cause it's going to get dirty no matter where you ride. The secret is car wash + Zeep = Clean White Kit!

White jersey, and um, no bibs, just some sort of small chamois held in place by a couple of strings. Do those wheels read SRAM or SPAM? Nice riding boots, too. I guess this should be in the black-and-white-and-striper kit column. Sorry, not sorry.

If you're going to wear white or any color "minimalist" kit as a racer or as a spectator (not the shoes this time) expect trouble by the handful. Notice the guy that's going for the "hand-up" is wearing the old and very classic Team "Z" kit.

Here's what the Z racer looked like immediatly after trying to take an "ass" hand-up on the side of the road. Thirsty for more buddy?

Here could be the ultimate team kit for 2012. Solid color, easy to clean, perfectly form fitting and super aerodynamic. It's also easy to accessories with something like socks and a hat. But just where in the hell are you going to put those logos?