FLAHUTING AND FROZEN: DEFROSTING THURSDAY'S RIDE

Flying Bats Chin-Cicle gives you an indication of riding conditions last night. Extremely cold, but good riding. And yes, packed with Flahute Points, whatever they are.

Last night's ride was fun. Yeah, it was. Crunchy snow, good Bastard Fellowship™ (whatever that is), and just the right length an time so it wasn't too painful for the fingers and toes. Showing up (sorry I don't have photos of the participants) were: Craig R (aka Flying Bats) Steve K (Brooklyn Steve), Julie W (Julie Boonen, Tom Boonen's sister, and your still slightly frozen narrator, Surly Bastard. 

Waiting in the lot for the rest of the idiots, I mean my friends and fellow Bastards to arrive, this is was the Grandpa Van's temperature reading - it was sinking from here.

Here's what a sinking temperature looks like. It gets blurry because it's so cold. This is my last reading before exiting the Grandpa Van.

Preparing to ride in single-digit weather requires extreme measures. I sprayed up the drive-train; chain, cassette, front and rear derailluers with cheap auto de-icer and everything worked like a charm. The only thing I didn't use this in was my water bottle. And it was the only thing that froze. This is a little trick I learned from some experienced cyclocross racers this year.

While you can't see them too clearly in this bad photo, these are some of the most photographed ankles and feet in Crazy Bastard history. Yes, those are Julie Boonen's (Tom's sister) legs, ankles and feet. I'm glad to report that she wore WOOL SOCKS last night. 

Good thing she had those socks on, and good thing I laid on the De-Icer because this is what the temperature read at the end of the ride.

SO WHAT THE F&CK ARE FLAHUTE POINTS?

So over the years we've had this Crazy Bastard formula for accruing Flahute points. I think it was started by MC Hammer but it's been so long, I can't really remember. Anway, you earn Flahute points by applying the Crazy Bastard Flahute Formula™so mathematical show how bad-ass, or stupid your are. I'll show you how it works by using the temperature and distance we rode last night in the formula. It's pretty simple. It has to be. Because obviously we're stupid for riding in crap like this. 

THE OFFICIAL CRAZY BASTARD FLAHUTE FORMULA™

First, take these basic pieces of information:

Miles Ridden: 18.5 

Temperature during/end of ride: 8 degrees Farenheit

Now subtract the degrees of temperature (if you ride in sub-zero temperatures see section 34-D). The difference, the miles you've ridden over the temperature, are your Crazy Bastard Flahute Points™.

So last night we earned:

10.5 Crazy Bastard Flahute Points

What these points are good for I'm not really sure. Do they indicate how tough you are? Do they indicated how stupid you are? I guess it just depends on who you run into at the bar after the ride.

One was impressed with our Flahute points last night, the other not so much so. Flahute point values are all in the mind of the beholder. And how many drinks they've had.

After leaving the bar last night, and still thawing after a couple of Guiness (Internal Human De-Icer) I hopped in the Grandpa Van and saw this staring me in the face as I headed home:

Yeah it was cold last night. I hope you covered the tomatoes before you went to bed.

Not long after seeing the -2 on the screen, I saw what I thought was the end of the world as drove out of the village of Cannonsburgler.

 WTF!

Holy crap, what's going on?

Was it a terrorist attack? Did they finally drop the bomb? No it was just snow-making at Cannonsburg Ski Area last night. You could see a giant, lighted cloud from miles away.

After being frightened by the snow-making, the cold in my body started to move to my head, even after ingesting Human De-Icer. Here's what that looked like.

Scary, huh.

This wasn't much better. Glad the deer were all home in bed.

BETTER UNDERSTANDING FLAHUTE AND WHAT IT REALLY MEANS

At this point in the blog you may have had enough about "Flahuting" and want to bail out and start your weekend. I don't blame you, and if that's what you're doing, have a nice weekend and enjoy the great Michigan Winter weather - it's great for all sort of sporting adventure, thanks for reading today. For the rest of you, that apparently have no life here's what I learned about Flahute Points after returning from my harrowing ride home.

At some site called the Podium Cafe, I found some discussion about the original meaning of "Flahute." Here some of what they had to say.

“Bernard Hinault winning from 75km in a snowstorm in Liege. Flahute. Same goes for Hennie Kuiper in second that day (and first a lot of other days). Frankly, I'm tempted to wave all 21 finishers from that epic day onward, although Fons de Wolf presents a bit of a dilemma.”

If you want to read more of this stuff like this, go to the Podium Cafe, right here, and Flahute yourself to your little heart's content.

Flahute: The Official Hardass Cyclist GroupJoin

Want to really get down a Flahute dirty? There's even a Flahute Facebook Page where like minded Flahuters share there intimate Flahuting thoughts. So far I haven't found any porn on this site. So it's okay. Well kinda of okay. 

Basic Flahute Face Book Page Info

Name:

Flahute: The Official Hardass Cyclist Group

Category:

Sports & Recreation - Professional Sports

Description:

Dedicated to the cyclists who win races where 125 riders start and one finishes—that’s a Flahute.

Here's a list of riders that this group feels are "Flahute." Unfortunately I don't see any of our names here. At least not yet. After you're done looking through the list - adding your own ideas, and subtracting those you don't think should be there, and figuring out how to put your own name there, have a good weekend.

Magnus Backstedt

Alessandro Ballan

Franco Ballerini

Steve Bauer

Tom Boonen

Marcus Burghardt

Fabian Cancellara

Fred De Bruyne

Roger De Vlaeminck

Stijn Devolder

Gilbert Duclos-Lassalle

Juan Antonio Flecha

Felice Gimondi

Walter Godefroot

Frederic Guesdon

Vladimir Gusev

Roger Hammond

Bernard Hinault

George Hincapie

Leif Hoste

Thor Hushovd

Sean Kelly

Alexandr Kolobnev

Karsten Kroon

Hennie Kuiper

Eric Leman

Greg LeMond

Fiorenzo Magni

Marc Madiot

Eddy Merckx

Lars Michaelsen

Francesco Moser

Johan Museeuw

Nick Nuyens

Stuart O'Grady

Eddy Planckaert

Walter Planckaert

Fillippo Pozzato

Jan Raas

Dominique Rollin

Roger Rosiers

Briek Schotte

Rolf Sorenson

Andrea Tafi

Andrei Tchmil

Rik Van Looy

Peter Van Petegem

Rik Van Steenbergen 

Eric Vanderaerden

Frans Verbeeck

Stefan Wesemann