NEWS RESOLUTION: GET MY ASS BEAT BY REALLY FAST, OLD CROSS GUYS IN CHICAGO

"Let's go, old dude! I'm ready to rock! Get on it ... turn those sweet cranks of mine!"

The bike is ready to roll into the New Year for the New Year Resolutions Race in Chicago. After becoming more sensitive to the needs of my bikes, and treating them like almost humans, it told me so. Yeah, that will be the way to ring the new year - getting my ass beat by the like of a National Champion (55-59) Paul Curley who's already signed up in my race.

Here's a taste of what Curley can do in last year's National Championship race:


Watch more video of Paul Curley on cyclingdirt.org

Yeah so he lost to Ned Overend, a former UCI Mountain Bike World Champion. And don't let the fact Paul rocks a rear view, and a full disc rear wheel and runs file treads in sloppy mud fool you. This rocks it. Though maybe he's a little crazy. Hey, he could be a member of our club, er, I mean gang. Well I'm going to try and see how long I can hold onto that damn disc wheel. It may only be a hundred yards before I pull over for a NYE Mimosa. But I'll try.

Everybody's doin' it. Now I've got them too. Word is for the frozen course this weekend file treads are going to be the whip.


Small file treads are being pimped throughout Chicago (and the world for all I know) for this race. Here's an example of what somebody called "Tati Cycles" will be selling these things from under his trench coat during the race.

What are we going to be racing on? Pavement? And how much are they? The first one is free, the second is a $1000? I'll take four.

I'm not sure, but I think Tati Cycles is either a bike shop in Chicago, or this guy. (Yeah he's got room to hide those tires under that coat.)

Out of the trench coat Tati is also a cyclist. Of sort. He look like this. It kind of looks like me in the Crazy Bastard Garage™ gettin' work done.

This guy is funny, but I think he may have aged out of the 50+ Category by now.  Here's one of his films, featuring "himself" and a bicycle that is no doubt fitted with the extremely fast file treads. It is sort of cyclocross epic - running for the remount, I'd call it.

Nice how he treats the bike like it's a runaway at the end. Does he think it's alive?

NOW ON WITH THE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION RACE IN CHICAGO THIS NYE
Lest you think I jest about this race, nothing could be further from the truth. It promises to be a big cyclocross bash, with big names, on one of the Chicago Cyclocross Cup Series best courses (which I have never done before). In addition to the old fast guys that will be whipping my ass, there are also some really fast young guys that promise to put on a show, in their preparations for the U.S. National Championships in Madison, WI, the following week.

Here's the news release lifted from the web pages of  Cycling Dirt:

Jeremy Powers, Ryan Trebon set to square off in National Championship prelude

Colt McElwaine on December 26, 2011, 10:09pm | More Posts

Email

Chicago, Ill. – A high-caliber collection of cyclocross professionals will battle in Chicagoland this weekend at the inaugural New Year’s Resolution, to be held at the Hilton Indian Lakes Resort in Bloomingdale, Ill. on Saturday, December 31 and Sunday, January 1. The pedigree of the men’s elite field is unprecedented in the Chicago area and includes Jeremy Powers, the 2011 Exergy U.S. Grand Prix of Cyclocross overall series winner and the 2011 Velo magazine North American Cyclocross Rider of the Year, and Ryan Trebon, a four-time national champion in cyclocross and mountain bike. The UCI 2.0 event is hosted by the Chicago Cyclocross Cup.

"A field of this quality is fantastic for New Year's Resolution's inaugural year, especially when competing against more established European races," said Race Director Jason Knauff. "This lineup will provide a test for the elite riders heading into Nationals, as well as an exciting race-day experience for our spectators and amateur competitors."

NOW BACK TO THE "ME GETTNG MY ASS HANDED TO ME" PART OF THE PROGRAM:

Even though Paul Curley, and God Forbid Ned Overend show up to set the 50+ field afire, even if I get popped, pulled and run out of the resort, I doubt that you'll find me as emotional as Adam Myerson (Cycle-Smart) was at the end this race - though I kinda of felt a little bit like that at Bloomer after I almost worked my sorry-ass up to the front of the race, crashed in the woods, hurt my ass and ended up getting passed at the line for 19th place by a 300 pound guy in a white skin suit. Yeah, I cried big 'ole crocodile tears too, Adam.

Watch more video of Bay State Cyclocross 2011 on cyclingdirt.org

Now when I get passed, pummel and pulled, and as I watch that f*cking crazy-ass disc wheel of Curley's pulling away from me, I'm going to duck into the pits and get one of these, just to keep my spirits up - and my performance down.

Nothing says New Year's Cyclocross Racing like a Mimosa at about 9 am in the pits, does it?

After the race, to drown my sorrow even further, maybe I can find the Chicago Hilton (after I'm done eating pizza in my room) and get rockin' at the Tommy Z Productions Official Playboy NYE 2012  Party. Tommy Z should really trademark this thing. Looks awesome!

Yeah I may never come back after all this. And I don't know if I can make out to the ride tonight. I'm getting my tuxedo pressed and my sidewalls Aquesealed for the weekend, and that's all going to take time.  So if I don't see you until next week you Crazy Bastards have a Happy New Year's!