PRELIMINARY RED ZONE RACING REPORT AND WHY THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO CROSS RACING THAN JUST THOSE 45 PESKY MINUTES

So how much shit do you need to go cyclocross racing? Well this much, apparently. Note the inventive tri-style bike rack. It's a Big Mac Crazy Bastards cross exclusive.

The CB Bike Stand inventor standing over some his herd of cross bikes, and those of fellow Bastards. He'll tell you how much shit you need to race. And I'd listen. He's bigger than you.

When people tell me that they don't want to make an hour and a half trek to go cyclocross racing because it's only  30, 45, or 60 minutes of racing I just shake my head in bewilderment. While it's true that the races may be brief (but while you're in them some laps seem to last a lifetime) they are missing the point of the real joy of cyclocross racing. "And that is?" you may well ask.  

Well it's this: it's spending hours cleaning, fixing, loading, hauling, unloading and then loading again tons of gear, bikes, wheels, clothing, pressure washers, pumps, trainers, repair stand, bike stand, tool kit, rain coats, rubber boots and coolers filled with energy drinks (yuk) and beers (yum), not to mention chairs, tents, iPod, iPad, MacBook, and the ghost of Steve Jobs.

Inside of the grandpa van on the way to any race. This is just bikes, wheels and power washer. More goodies get flopped on top of this stuff.

Not to mention all the personal protection gear. Yeah, the Hecklehorn is protective in that it is the "Threat of Retaliation" that personally protects you.

Let's not forget that how Etho-Bastard rolls when he goes to a race. Did I mention that there's a full rack of white (show me you sausage) skinsuits inside, as well as a rack of polka-dot FreeWheeler bow ties inside just for podium appearances?

Well enough about the Frank Capra "Why We Race" baloney, now on with an incomplete race report with no photos. Yeah I lost my iPhone (my camera) in the van before the race. It dropped into the side pocket of my power washer (which I guess I didn't need on an 80 degree, dry day) and I didn't locate it until the action was over. Not to worry though, Adam Mac and Cupcake have plenty of incriminating photos and videos that I'm sure will be on the way shortly.

Overall it was a tremendous day for West Michigan crossers on just a fantastic course, designed by one the best course designers I know, Brian, the Brain Hancock. This thing had everything from rubberized track sections for speed, off camber, thrilling downhills, and technical sections that had you living on the edge. You'll get to see it first hand, soon, so check back later.

As far as Crazy Bastards, we had them on every podium with Cupcake, Slayer, Adam McIntrye, Nancy Lange, and even me, stepping up on the platform for some incredible medals. I'll show you mine later, baby.

Slayer had a great day, once again, racing with the elites in some really, really fast racing. While he may have gotten a medal, I think the real prize was the T-Shirt he showed up in.

Is that me on the T-Shirt, with hair? What does that say Jeff?

Yes indeed Slayer, you do have a fever. And we want one too!