FRANKENMUTH RACE REPORT - OR THE BOOB AFTER THE FALL, PIGMY GOATS, DOGS, ICE CREAM BEER AND BIG WHEELS

So now you tell me Ice Cream isn't a performance enhancer. Thanks for nothing Lance!

While I thoroughly enjoyed my time in Frankenmuth this past weekend, and commend the organizers on a job well done, my own race report falls in the "epic fail" category. Fried chicken and ice cream (see above - hey it comes with the family style meal that I the night before okay), just didn't cut it as race fuel. But it was pretty tasty. Yum-yum.

Here's my team. Yeah go team! All I want to know is where were you when I was getting my ass popped off the back?

I thought beer had carbs in it. Wrong again, apparently Dr. Ferrari. Well those few fine brews I slammed back the night before never made it down to my legs. But at least I had plenty to think about as I was getting my pathetic ass blown off the back.

My race shorts (modeled above by Fritz) also didn't help the "cycling" situation.

In the spirit of the Tour de Frankenmuth I also opted for traditional Lederhosen instead of my normal race kit. You'd think that it would be uncomfortable, but by using all that left-over mashed potatoes from my "all you can-eat-family-style-chicken-dinner-at-Zenders" from the night before, I was quite comfortable. Not very fast, but comfortable. I just hope that was gravy running down my leg ...

Leather shorts full of mashed potatoes. Yeah this was my race face.

Well racing wasn't the only thing going on in town last weekend. Frankenmuth was hoppin' with action, dog shows, flower shows ...

Yappy shit-dogs like this were everywhere. Disgusting little animals. But cute. In a disgusting way.

 

This is a pygmy goat. Like you couldn't get a dog this small?

There were even humans pretending to be animals. I missed the Chicken, but you can bet there was a human chicken.

But back to the racing. While my pathetic effort surely sucked, others put out some performance they should be proud of. I met and interviewed the gentleman below who won the Cat 6 Men over 55. I caught up with him just after he removed the aerodynamic wheel cover (disc wheel) from his big wheel. He told me that the massive cover acted like a sail and pulled him away from the pack, and onto victory.

Butch and his 19th Century Penny Farthing. Beautiful bike. With a disc wheel up front he is virtually unbeatable in the Cat 6 Men's 55+

Butch was pretty proud of his ride. How much carbon do you think he was rockin,"

A better view of the winner bike and rider. Oh how I wish I was Butch!

While Butch may have made meat out of the old geezers in his race, I wonder if he could do this ... maybe he could. Who knows what you could do with a big wheel like that!