TOUR DE WEST SIDE BIKE & BAR CRAWL, DIRTY MUDDERS, AND SPERM BIKES FOR GRATTAN

While many of you may think that the upcoming National Criterium Championship coming to Grand Rapids this year is a big deal, well then you missed the Tour de West Side this past weekend. Yes, it is a real event. Above is the actual logo, just so you know it's real, and not just some bad dream I had.

This is what the TDW is all about. Biking from one West Side watering hole to the next, on some really sweet rides.

And Sweet Rides there were. It was one bike-a-licous event that saw hundreds of Grand Rapidians grinding from one West Side pub, to the next, on the latest in 50 pound steel bike technology. Yeah, not a lot of sprints.

Some of these shitty bikes were decorated very nicely. Some were even decorated with their rider's blood. You guessed it - there were enough low speed crashes to fill a Three Stooges full-length feature film.

Fashion was a key word. Here we sneak a look at some of that great West Side fashion bike style.

Don't we all need some bike-goggles like this? Grattan here I come - LOOK OUT!

For those too drunk to ride, and too tired of falling over in the gutter, Mark Hendershot and the Green Machine Pedicab crew came to the rescue.

If you've been downtown in the evening you've probably seen the Green Machine Pedicabs on the scene, providing easy, fast and fun transportation between downtown hotspots. I suggest you grab one next time you're downtown. Very inexpensive, and a great way to get around.

Here are some Green Machines just waiting to haul some of the drunk West Sider's around the block. It was free, too!

Here's Mark with a really nice haul. They haven't been seen since, but oh well. Check out the official T-Shirts the girls were wearing. Again, where else but the West Side do you get this kind of style? While this was a good haul for Mark, I was really amazed to see this Pedicab pulling up to PUTT-PUTTS ...

I guess they came because they heard that the pitchers of beer were cheap. But I hear they didn't give the driver a tip.

Far from the beer farts and drunken riding of the TDWS, I was at the CBX laboratory working on my next whip for the upcoming cyclocross season. Hey, it's just around the corner, isn't it? Here it is, my new cyclocross SS.

The frame and fork are by Redline. It's a dedicated single-speed cyclocross bike called, I guess, the Dirty Mudder, or something like that. It just came out, but the prototype already has a win in the SSXWC. You get a tat and a Golden Speedo, I've heard, for winning.

Nice retro graphics, and it's fun to ride... that is if you're stronger than I am.

Pure single speed goodness, with replaceable horizontal dropouts. Hmmm, I wonder why?

I've given it that shameful, and hipster-crazed anodized-color coordinated look. Wow, it's like red ... here and there.

Here's the beauty shot of the bike. Crap, the dog is hogging it again.

Well now on to my new bike for Grattan ...

I found this bike two weeks before it was posted on BSNYC. I thought it would be the perfect weapon for weaving through deadly Grattan B sprint finishes. It's the sperm bike! Hey, I'm shooting to the front! Who Came in First? That was a nice finishing Spurt! Just think of the possibilities ...

Here's a side view. Who wouldn't want to throw their leg over a giant sperm?

Just think of how many energy drinks and Clif bars you could stuff in here!

The best part ... if somebody wants to suck your wheel to the line, they've got to suck on this first.