TOUR DE FRANKENMUTH - NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL RACING FOR BEER!

Time to hydrate and go racing in Frankenmuth, Michigan

Yes it's that time of year again. Time to break out the Lederhosen and go bike racing in Frankenmuth, Michigan at the good old Tour de Frankenmuth. While some (a friend on Facebook) called the Tour de Frankenmuth the "FLATTEST ROAD RACE IN MICHIGAN," I gotta tell you I totally disagree with that "flat" part.

The feeding station. A lot of accidents happen around feed zones in bike races - I think you can see why.

Here, as you roll through the downtown "feeding station," just beyond the start/finish, you can see that the terrain isn't really that flat. You've got to be on your toes, and keep your head up - or who knows where you might land.

Power and guts are what counts in the Tour de Frankenmuth.

True, with just a few rolling hills, this is pretty much a pure power rider's course. A strong sprint at the end is a must. You gotta know how to pour it on right down to the end.

A good team is worth its weight in something, ja?

A good team counts for a lot in a race like this. Reeling in breaks, blocking for your guys in the break, leading out to the bar, I mean finish line sprint. Making chicken sandwiches. Carrying me back to the hotel. It's all about the team. Thanks team! Sorry I gave all of you the flu ...

 Now this is what I call a finish line. Only in Frankenmuth ...

 After a few tough laps, and if I'm lucky enough to get there, the finish line, and I do mean finish line, is a welcome sight to behold. Nice line, nice finish ....

 Entertainment galore. The band plays on.

Racing  in Frankenmuth just isn't rolling mounds, hills and curves - it's also about entertainment. Yeah, I can't wait to hear these guys playing when it's podium time. Not like I'll be there.

To the victor, and the finishers, go the spoils. Yeah this is 'spoils' for sure.

So I'm packing my bag, I might even take the bike, and preparing for the onslaught of geezers all gooped up on GU and overpriced bikes -  and eventually the beer drinking. If there's anything to report when I get back, well I might report it. If I don't see you at the TdF, then I hope you have a great weekend and holiday.

BATTLE OF THE MOUNTAIN BIKE VIDEOS

After receiving a link to the video below from our good friend Patrick Drueke, I was motivated to find some more mountain bike race videos to share - and to compare.

 While the London course, in the video below, looks challenging, it's down-side is, like British cuisine, the music doesn't make it very tasty.

Here's the Brit - Olympic Course. Crazy how this gravel path has appeared  through a sheep pasture. There's even a rock "patio" just like the one they put in at the Game Area. I keep looking for Babe the Pig to come trotting up ....


Olympic Course London Highlights from SCOTT-Swisspower on Vimeo.

Now look (and listen) to some American mountain bike videos. Even if the courses, bikes and riding suck, the music rocks. And many times, if you're talking about courses, what looks better - a sheep field in England, or single track in Colorado? Yeah I'll have a burrito with green hot sauce, you can keep the boiled sheep guts.





HOLZINGA from Rob Doerre on Vimeo.

Here's the best of both worlds. Rockin' course and cool as music. Rippin? I think so. I posted this one up not long ago, but it's worth a second look.


THE OPENER from Rob Doerre on Vimeo.


The all time top rippin' video? This one. No music. Just natural sound of a guy breathin' like a bunny rabbit. Gotta love the pinestripe suit, too. Thanks to Ben Doctor from sending this one along. Thanks to Werdy for the original (I think) alert on this one about 6 months ago. There are a whole series of the videos. Seriously scary stuff.



VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

Racing in the Rain Tonight @ Grattan?

Having been laid up with the creeping-coughing-crud for two weeks I was planning on a glorious return to the racing ranks tonight at Grattan. Unfortunately, my new phone, which looks a lot like the the device featured here ...

This cutting edge communication device (because it's white) has a special app, in it, which I think is short for appetizer, that tells you when and if you should race. Unfortunately my "IS IT SAFE TO RACE GRATTAN?" appetizer is telling me that its probably not safe because I'm seeing something like this ...

What I was hoping for was, of course, not a torrential downpour, but something more appetizing, maybe something like this, which I believe is a real appetizer.

Looks tasty, doesn't it? But not very filling. Hey, I'm getting hungry, when's this post going to end, anyway?

Well lets hope that the rain, thunder and lightening icons that are flashing on my App right now go away and that my IS IT SAFE TO RACE AT GRATTAN alert turns to:

 YEAH, IT'S OKAY TO RACE AT GRATTAN YOU BIG DUMMY

Even if the rain lets up slightly, and there are no wicked bolts of Thor-like lighting hitting the ground, I still might chance it. My first thought, since it looks like we are living in Seattle, or somewhere much hipper, where it rains all the time (hey you can't have everything, now can you?) I researched some of  Seattle bike riding in the rain tips, but found them sadly lacking, but you can check them out if you have absolutely nothing to do - which you apparently don't since you're still reading this.

My next step was to read an in-depth book on racing in the rain, but it too just didn't seem to hit that "wet  spot" I was looking for. Though I have hit some wet spots, some of which have been left by a creature that looks a lot like the creature featured on the cover.

But it's not a bad novel, but I just can't see how a dog can ride a bike, much less race a bicycle in the rain.


So I thought I'd check out another place in the world where they ride bicycles in the rain all the time - the Netherlands.



I thought this looked a lot like the Grattan B Race, did you? I just can't imagine all those umbrellas in the sprint though. Maybe in a breakaway, but not a sprint.

So I kept looking ...

Again, more trouble with hoods, ponchos, and umbrellas. I think the guys In Seattle could learn a thing or two from this, though.


This video below was my favorite. Mainly because it wasn't raining, and it looked a little bit like the beginning of a cheesy porn flick. Not that I have ever seen a cheesy porn flick before, but if I had, I imagine it would look like this. I also like that it was in a language I didn't understand.

Well, if it clears I'll see you Bastards out there. If not, I'll be back in my oxygen/altitude tent cleaning out the lungs for a weekend of probably pretty disapointing racing.

WHAT DO BIKES LOOK LIKE AFTER THE END OF THE WORLD? YEAH, WE'VE GOT 'EM RIGHT HERE FOLKS

So as many of you know the world officially came to an end yesterday. While I haven't felt much different than usual, it doesn't mean that it didn't happen, right? I'm always a little behind on the big things. And the litttle things, too, for that matter. If you're like me, and I hope you're not, and you didn't know that the world came to end yesterday, well then, it's time to get on it and play some catch-up, okay? Best place to start is watching this awesome end-of-the-world video.

Now that you know that the world has ended, again, let's catch-up, or catsup, on what bicycles, and the rest of the cycling world, is going to look after the new "the world-has-ended era" has kicked in, and literally put its kick-stand down on all of us. You'll now it has actually happened when you get a Friend Request from the End Of The World.

To begin with, cyclists being an odd lot, there were some celebrations for the world-ending. At the Farm Team Racing Headquarters on EOTWD (End Of The World Day) the Farm Team had a fancy going away party for Joe 3, who will be on secret assignment from now on, as well as having some cake and beer to celebrate the EOTW.

Nice EOTWD Cake by the Farm Team. Notice, no candles. Who needs 'em. It's all over, right?

Some of our friends, like Killer Kubiak, got inked to celebrate EOTWD. Here's Killer's beautiful tat, which represents, I assume, flying off the planet on EOTWD, on a flaming, winged bike. You've got to love it ...

Meanwhile, at Founders of all places, there was a party between the Police and The Cyclists celebrating EOTWD. I guess we don't have to worry about sharing the damn road now, do we ...

Lots of people, cyclists, police, and friends of both on hand for the EOTWD at Founders. Let's party like there's no tomorrow - pretty much like every day at Founders.

Of course I promised you some EOTWD bikes, didn't I. Well, while this bike may not be the EOTWD prototype, the bike we'll all want to ride when there are no more tomorrows and no place to ride, I think this bike might actually be responsible for the EOTW.

Sure, it looks like another Hipster-fixie-wet-dream, but take a closer look. Well not that close.

Play Me, indeed. Looks suspicious, doesn't it?

Maybe it was the White Virus that caused the EOTW. It's all over this bike.

Whatever ... all I know in the citizens rides, crits, road races, time trials, mountain bike races and 'cross  in the world after the end of the world, here's what I'm going to be riding.

Right after the guy who made it builds it up, 'cause I have no 'fing idea what wheels to put on it.

The EOTW is gonna by totally aero, I guess.

RAINING ON YOUR TRAINING? ROTTEN ON YOUR RACING? IF YOU'RE DRY, YOU DIDN'T TRY HARD ENOUGH

Yeah, so it's going to be like that is, it? You know what I mean, mother nature, I get your game, and I've seen it before. It looks like, so far, you're going to a super bee-atch  and slap us with rain and thunderstorms every weekend and half of the freakin' week days with the same soupy crap. The mildew is already starting to build, starting with the bottom of my lungs on up. We've seen it before, and well, it looks like we're going to see it again.

Yes indeed, mother nature is a bitch - as seen here:



That all said, I'm ready to start my training again, with believe it or not, with some mountain biking. After watching the video below, from our friends at Mud & Cowbells, I was ready-as-hell to saddle up my mountain SS or my CX SS and head out to the bogs of Cannonsburg or Luton for a little single track mud slinging.



THE OPENER from Rob Doerre on Vimeo.

So I did ... and it was a bit muddy as you can see from my bike, and my riding partner.
 Yeah, they were a mess.

As you can see there was a little mud on the bike, and a lot on the dog. She got a good washing (so did the bike) a blow-dry and some toweling off. I had a couple beers and then we packed it in.

Want to see a tired mountain bike dog.

Yeah, she's livin' the dream, isn't she? 

CHANGING THE WAY I ROLL: WHEN ARE YOU TOO SICK TO CYCLE TOO HARD?

Yes, I'm dragging ass, and am now entering the second week of being too sick to cycle-race. BOO-HOO, I can hear the crying going on out there right now. While I've been able to ride, I've laid off riding really hard to try to stop the snotty madness that's wreaking havoc on my respiratory system. Anyway, this time off the race by has allowed me to change the way I roll. Check out my new riding attire, and whip.

Yeah, I look younger, but just as bald. I will say that I think this is certainly is a more civilized look, though, don't you think so? Frankly I was getting tired of wearing those damn lycra clown suits all the time. And while there may not be any carbon fiber on my new bike, it does have some lovely fenders. About 20 square feet of fenders, is my guess - which is just about the same area as the seat, which you can't see under my fat ass.

I'm sure after seeing this bike, everyone will want one, but I don't know if I should tell you were I got it.

But here's a clue where you might find one like it.

Of course they may not have very many of them ... mine was probably the only one.

Then again, maybe not ...

TOUR De Washtenaw VIDEO

Thanks to Dan Korienek for posting up a very nice video of the TdW, the Tour of Washtenaw, on FaceBook. Please don't confuse this TdW, with our own TdW, which is the one and only Tour De West Side.

This is what our TdW - Tour de West Side looked like. See the video below for the "other" TdW

Actually, this thing looked like a lot of Crazy Bastard fun. But so did Cone, and I didn't do that one either. Anyway, thanks for the find, Dan ....

SINCE IT'S FALL AGAIN, IT'S TIME FOR CYCLOCROSS, RIGHT?

Is this the parking lot at stage two of the Tour of California, or the usual trysting spot for cowboys on the Crazy Bastard loop in the winter? Oh, who the hell cares.

I was looking around for post material and I just thought that the snowstorm story and the ATOC was getting old, and who wants to hear about how crappy its been in Michigan, either?And Cavendish at the Giro uggggh, wasn't my cup of tea either. So just by luck, I stumbled on a new 'cross video, from our 'cross brethren in Colorado, and posted on one of the best Cyclocross sites, Mud & Cowbells.

Some of the action segments were so good, I was getting chills. Then I realized that I was still sick. There's some nice "explanatory" stuff about 'cross here, which you all know, but still it's boiled down into nice phrasing so you can explain it to Grandma. If she every asks.

Enjoy! It's a nice fall day, after all ... a perfect day to dream on about cyclocross.

Since the creators thought this video was too good for me just to post it up on my lousy blog, if you'd like to see it just click WATCH IT NOW!

TOUR OF CALIFORNIA LOOKS MORE LIKE A CRAZY BASTARD'S RIDE

After ordering a 64 Hot Wings (take-out BW3) and chilling two cases of Budlight (on sale a @ Ogies), you can imagine how heartbroken as was when I sat down, turned on the my Emerson Pecan Finish Console Television and discovered the ATOC was canceled because the pro's decided to not to ride. Frankly, the conditions looked no worse than what we rode in all winter long, but since the "professionals" are too skinny to ride in cold weather, and their tires are too skinny to stay upright on ice and snow, I guess you can't blame them.

Here's my ATOC quiz for the day. If you answer correctly you'll see a real strike. If not, you'll see something else.

Good luck. Anybody want some 'cold' Hot Wings at the Ada TT tomorrow?

This is not a Crazy Bastard Ride photo, it is actually a shot of the road that was to be raced, but wasn't in the ATOC:

True

False

I'M SORRY OR WTF HAPPENED TO YESTERDAY'S POST?

Sorry to say that yesterday's spectacular post is lost and gone. Possibly for good, thanks to some Bloggerific accident. I liked Bike Snob's explanation: "some nerd at G-ogle spilled Fair Trade coffee in a server ..." Exactly! Well I don't know whether to reconstruct yesterday's EPIC post about being sick, riding my new Redline, and the fabulous wealth I'm receiving, or not receiving from AdWords, or just move on with my life and say F-it. Leave a comment, if you want me to recreate that piece of junk, or not. Until then I'm going to let Brenda Lee tell you how sorry I am about the whole thing. No nobody says I'm Sorry, as well, or as many times, as she does.

TESTING OUT THE NEW WHIP, BEING SICK, AND THE CREEPINESS OF GOOGLE

As many of you know I have been very sick lately, and have not been able to attend the last week's major cycling events which include the Ada TT, and Grattan. While this probably hurt my chances at an overall World Championship this year, I am hopeful that I can kick this bug, and be back irritating my fellow cyclists soon.

Before falling ill, I was able to take the new SS cross bike out for a spin a at the game area. Yeah it was cross bike vs mountain bike single track. Guess who won?

It was the first time I had turned these cranks, in anger. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun on a bike. For some reason the SS cross bike was the weapon of choice for that type of easy, flowing single track. Will I ever take the mountain bike again? Well, I gotta get well first.

On my test run I took the Betty along. She successfully drank everyone's water on the trail in just seven miles of riding and running. Several people died of thirst after giving up their water to this "hog of a dog." The dehydration she caused, in my own case. might have been one of the contributing factors to my illness.

Not long after the ride I was sneezing like some of my favorite Japanese Anime characters. I could watch them sneeze forever, couldn't you?

While walking around in a Robitussin stupor, I received a letter from Google. At last, I thought, these less than worthless fuckers were sending me a check for all the fine work I had done over the past several years. Inside, I hoped, would be a check for the 74¢ they owed me.

At first it was hard for me to read the contents of the letter. I was wearing what amounted to Biking Robitussen Google-Goggles, as seen above. But it was pretty apparent that there was no check enclosedy.

Instead of a check they gave me $100 in AdWords credits, which essentially meant they were giving me nothing at all. You'll see I have improved the "Credit Card" to protect identity theft and to reflect what I think is the basic message here. Do you really think that if I used this I could double the number of visitors to this blog, and double my 74¢. Somehow I don't think so on either count.

One more blast of Robitussen and this is how the world was looking to me. With all the creepy news about Google this week, and how they were spying on everybody, and as looped as I was, I had my own spy googles on and was looking for them (Google) sneaking around the Crazy Bastards headquarters.

It was kind looked of like this in my addled mind ...

TOUR DE WEST SIDE BIKE & BAR CRAWL, DIRTY MUDDERS, AND SPERM BIKES FOR GRATTAN

While many of you may think that the upcoming National Criterium Championship coming to Grand Rapids this year is a big deal, well then you missed the Tour de West Side this past weekend. Yes, it is a real event. Above is the actual logo, just so you know it's real, and not just some bad dream I had.

This is what the TDW is all about. Biking from one West Side watering hole to the next, on some really sweet rides.

And Sweet Rides there were. It was one bike-a-licous event that saw hundreds of Grand Rapidians grinding from one West Side pub, to the next, on the latest in 50 pound steel bike technology. Yeah, not a lot of sprints.

Some of these shitty bikes were decorated very nicely. Some were even decorated with their rider's blood. You guessed it - there were enough low speed crashes to fill a Three Stooges full-length feature film.

Fashion was a key word. Here we sneak a look at some of that great West Side fashion bike style.

Don't we all need some bike-goggles like this? Grattan here I come - LOOK OUT!

For those too drunk to ride, and too tired of falling over in the gutter, Mark Hendershot and the Green Machine Pedicab crew came to the rescue.

If you've been downtown in the evening you've probably seen the Green Machine Pedicabs on the scene, providing easy, fast and fun transportation between downtown hotspots. I suggest you grab one next time you're downtown. Very inexpensive, and a great way to get around.

Here are some Green Machines just waiting to haul some of the drunk West Sider's around the block. It was free, too!

Here's Mark with a really nice haul. They haven't been seen since, but oh well. Check out the official T-Shirts the girls were wearing. Again, where else but the West Side do you get this kind of style? While this was a good haul for Mark, I was really amazed to see this Pedicab pulling up to PUTT-PUTTS ...

I guess they came because they heard that the pitchers of beer were cheap. But I hear they didn't give the driver a tip.

Far from the beer farts and drunken riding of the TDWS, I was at the CBX laboratory working on my next whip for the upcoming cyclocross season. Hey, it's just around the corner, isn't it? Here it is, my new cyclocross SS.

The frame and fork are by Redline. It's a dedicated single-speed cyclocross bike called, I guess, the Dirty Mudder, or something like that. It just came out, but the prototype already has a win in the SSXWC. You get a tat and a Golden Speedo, I've heard, for winning.

Nice retro graphics, and it's fun to ride... that is if you're stronger than I am.

Pure single speed goodness, with replaceable horizontal dropouts. Hmmm, I wonder why?

I've given it that shameful, and hipster-crazed anodized-color coordinated look. Wow, it's like red ... here and there.

Here's the beauty shot of the bike. Crap, the dog is hogging it again.

Well now on to my new bike for Grattan ...

I found this bike two weeks before it was posted on BSNYC. I thought it would be the perfect weapon for weaving through deadly Grattan B sprint finishes. It's the sperm bike! Hey, I'm shooting to the front! Who Came in First? That was a nice finishing Spurt! Just think of the possibilities ...

Here's a side view. Who wouldn't want to throw their leg over a giant sperm?

Just think of how many energy drinks and Clif bars you could stuff in here!

The best part ... if somebody wants to suck your wheel to the line, they've got to suck on this first.