The last ride of August and here are some of the Bastards and Bastardettes waiting for Kim Lee aka Bruce Lee aka the Green Hornet aka Late for The Fucking Ride Bastard. It was nice and warm, so nobody cared that he was late.
Once we got rolling we soon discovered that it was the perfect night for a ride. Warm, but not too hot, no humidity, no cars, just a gorgeous night to be out on the bike. It was so beautiful that Lee decided not to use his hands all night long and rode like this for 30 miles. Well we rounded up slightly, but yeah, 30 miles, no hands, totally epic.
Except for some beer drinking photos, which you'll see later on, here's the only good pick of Mr. Kim Lee riding his trusty Blue Bianchi. I kept screaming at him for the first 10 miles to shift the damn thing until I discovered he was riding a single speed. Hey, bring an extra gear next time, okay?
Here's BK Dave partaking in the Epic Ride of the Summer. I think he's enjoying it. Yeah, he is. While the ride was "Epic" in its enjoyability, it was "Non-Epic" in the fact that nothing dramatic happened - we weren't attacked by bears, cougars (not until we stopped at THE SCORE later on, anyway) there were no mechanicals, flats, crashes, exploding meth labs, burning cars, lost kittens or even homicidal ChihuahuaS. We didn't ride a hundred miles. Nobody died of dehydration or bonked. Just a nice night for a ride. Epic, you know, but not Epic.
Here's Ethiopian Bastard and he's really enjoying the ride. Can't you tell? I just wonder what HUP UNITED is going to fine him for riding out of uniform.
Here's what happens when you're enjoying yourself too much on an Epic/Non-Epic ride. One minute you're rolling along, whistling a merry tune ...
... and the next minute everybody is up the road and your ass is dropped.
Luckily, I was able to catch back on. If by catch back on you mean I got back to the parking lot before these bastards drank all the beer. Big thanks to Lee and BK for bringing extra beers. They were Epically Delicious, fellas.
While Jurrien, aka Ethiopian Bastard will be waiting for his HUP fine to arrive in the mail, Heather K will no doubt be receiving her own fine or suspension for drinking a recovery drink not recommend by her coach, trainer, or team. I'm guessing it's going to be a pretty heavy fine as she's drinking Bud Light. Although Bud Light is kinda a fine in itself isn't it?
I think this would be a good time to open the floor to the peanut gallery and ask for submissions in regard to giving Heather K a Crazy Bastard name. We've only got a week to give her a proper Bastard name or there will be fines, suspensions and, oh hell forget it ... just come up with some names will ya?
My first submission: Killer Kubiak
But that's just a start ...
Surly, you've almost got it. How 'bout "Killer K"?
ReplyDeleteI might have to give up beers in the parking lot. Either that or wear a jersey that doesn't accentuate my man-boobs as much as that blue jersey does! (2nd to last picture....)
LMAO!! We wouldnt have even noticed the blue jersey if you hadnt told us! Hey my hair looks good after 30 (rounded up) miles...and Im welll accessorized with jewelry. Thanks for the fun last night...thanks for the beverage-wouldnt have made it home without the carbs! HK
ReplyDeleteBK, your kinda asking the eternal question: does my ass look fat in bib-tights? Well ,as for your MB's I think they are non-existent, dude.
ReplyDeleteAnd Killer K, (or howabout K-Killer) glad you could make it last night, that was a great ride, nice rolling with you. And the rounded-up-to-30 hair doesn't looks that bad either.
HUP has weighed in on this matter of Jurrien wearing non HUP clothing on a cross ride. We are revoking his MUTT. This is the harshest penalty we have.... other than applying quoleum HOT to his chamois. However the MUTT is so reveared that rekoking it will "sting" longer than the balls of fire.
ReplyDeleteAs for Heather K - My vote would be for some sort of Top Gun name. Since Doez already has charlie.. a suitable name is escaping me.
So I just reviewed the top gun names...being my age...and cougars are always looking for younger guys to hang with...I could be "Kouger with a K"
ReplyDeleteYeah I saw that one and chickened out when it came to putting it down. But I think it's perfect. Very cool. I mean Kool. But not as cool, as Raoul the Cabana Boy.
ReplyDelete"Anyone need any handmade lotion?"