THE VOODOO THAT YOU DO TO STAY UPRIGHT

To ward off the evil spirits that haunted the first night of racing at Grattan, I wore the Dicky's Death March T, resplendent with its BAD IDEA RACING sub headline to drive away those e-vile spirits. Sure enough, it worked, and everyone in the B's made it across the line with all the rubber still on the road. The A's, not so lucky, and a good friend went down when someone thought it would be a great idea to "sprint" for 30th place. To the sprinter: this will not make you any friends.

Along with the wearing the DDMT, I also provided some tips on the fly to other riders. These tips consisted of valuable insights that you could probably only get by reading volumes of books on road racing or hiring and expensive coach:

Here are a few of those tips, free of charge:

"Every though about riding in a straight line?"

"You mind not making those 90 degree left/right hand turns in the middle of the pack?"

"Wow, you kinda suck with a bicycle, don't you?"

"Take it easy. We've got 15 laps to go and the ambulance hasn't arrived yet."

"I don't know why you keep looking over your shoulder. The bike you're going to hit is right in front of you."

"Good thing your team has an unlimited number of uniforms for sale."

"Who would have thought a bicycle could be turned into a weapon of mass destruction!"

"Every thought about taking up golf?"

While I can dish it out, I can also take it, too. I'm not above making a hinky move now and then, grabbing too much brake, or losing focus (hey after 20 laps I start getting dizzy!) so feel free to use any of the tips on me if you see me wobbling around and causing grief in the pack. All except for the "golf" tip. I refuse to commit golf.